This past weekend, I went away – alone. I had an extra day off and no plans. My friends were all busy. Even if I wanted to use Tony as a crutch, he was away for work. And since Kyle hardly texts let alone declare his love for me on our second date (cough, cough), we aren’t remotely close to the “go away together” stage yet.
Given all the drama I’ve experienced in the last couple of months plus the work stress I’m under, I really wanted to get away.
I booked a train trip. Two nights at a hotel with a king bed and crisp white sheets. A dinner each night with one of my closest friends and her family. A day at a spa – the kind with steam rooms, saunas, hot tubs, cold water springs, fireplaces, and hammocks. A 90 minute massage with Jonathan. A facial the next day.
It was nice to get caught up with my girlfriend and to see her husband and children. I enjoyed the 10 hours of train travel with time to listen to tons of music and write blog posts. The spa day was incredible and I felt amazing afterwards.
It was nice to be lost in my own thoughts for a day. No electronics are allowed at the spa. I just sat, swam, snoozed, and sweated.
I didn’t think about work, which was fantastic.
I thought about Tony a lot. I thought about Kyle even more. I wasn’t even trying but they consumed my thoughts. Damn them.
I don’t like eating out alone. I remember when I booked my first solo vacation two years ago, it was the dinners alone I dreaded the most. I survived. This time the dinners were fine but I would have loved to wake up with someone (not just anyone) next to me in that king bed, and to have breakfast in bed before and after slow weekend sex.
I feel better than I did when I left. I haven’t seen Kyle – Sunday night and Monday didn’t work. And just like the last two times, I haven’t heard from him yet about tonight. I sent him a text this morning to confirm. I have to keep telling myself over and over that this just seems to be his conversation style – if a date and time are confirmed there’s no other need for communication.
It makes me anxious and I don’t like it. I’m telling myself all is well and he’s still keen on me despite making an update to his Bumble profile.
I’m going to keep telling myself that.
When I see him (see what I did there!?), I may ask him what kind of communication he prefers between dates. I don’t want to pressure him (it’s only date #3, after all), but I also need to find a way to put my mind at ease.
[Image from the movie “I Walk Alone”]