I have consistently used my non-child weeks for lots of things: working late, going to the gym, going out with friends, dates. Sometimes lots of dates, but not lately.
This week I planned absolutely nothing except a brief after work meeting with two colleagues.
It wasn’t all deliberate – I usually plan a couple of weeks in advance, especially since most of my girlfriends have busy life and work schedule and we all need advance planning, but I have been traveling each of the last three child-free weeks. I had planned things for me and the kid, but not much else.
So I found myself with a set of shockingly empty evenings. Sure, I had a foursome on Sunday night. Maybe that excitement was supposed to last a couple of days. It didn’t.
Tony has been traveling and rather quiet. I saw him for an overnight late last week where he showed up to basically go to sleep – I greeted him from my bed, in my pyjamas, a book and glass of port in hand. The next morning Liam was dropped off early and the three of us had a nice visit. But I feel like I barely talked to Tony.
I knew it was unlikely I would see him during this week, but he said he would play it by ear depending on how his shoot went.
I have been to the gym twice after work. Otherwise I’ve been at home. I haven’t minded the quiet. I’ve eaten alone, tidied up, cleaned and put away my winter stuff, sat at my kitchen island and written blog posts, texted some girlfriends, and twice talked to my Bumble match.
I’ve eaten unhealthy food from my freezer, where I also found four open bags of frozen peas. I succumbed to my craving for stove top made buttered popcorn.
I didn’t get around to cleaning up the rest of my office, which has been on my list since last summer. I did finally get my new will completed. I finished watching Stanley Kubrick’s Lolita, so if that’s not an accomplishment I don’t know what is.
As much as I was okay with the solitude, I was only okay to a point. I missed my girlfriends and non-work socialization. For a few minutes one night, I felt a bit like I was part of only one person’s inner circle and the rest didn’t really care if I wasn’t communicating. But I shook those thoughts out of my head. I know I have several good friends who care deeply about me.
And one thing I didn’t do is succumb to going back to online dating just because I was momentarily bored and lonely. Because that would likely just trade bored and lonely for frustrated and depressed. No thank you. I’d rather have Stanley Kubrick movies and frozen peas.