If you don’t know who Tony is, well when you have a spare five hours you can read our saga by going to my Lovers page… or just using the Tony tag (but it sorts from newest to oldest…working on finding a plug-in to change that!)
This past week I didn’t have much to do in the evenings, other than work and a few other truly value added activities which I discussed in my last post.
But it wasn’t as undramatic as I may have left you believing. I dealt with two hospitalizations.
I had reached out to Ian and said I didn’t mean to bug him but could he confirm which night we were going to see each other next week.
Nothing. Not that afternoon or night. I knew he was with his kids in the evening but usually someone can find 30 seconds to fire off a quick text.
I thought it was discourteous.
Next morning? NOTHING. So I was left assuming it meant he wasn’t interested… because ignoring a direct question for that length of time is surely not a good sign.
Feeling irritated and a bit petulant, not wanting to let what I perceived to be bad behavior slide, and most importantly, wanting some kind of explanation of how we went from two great conversations and a feeling of mutual interest in meeting, to silence, at 11:30am I sent:
“So I’m assuming from your silence you’ve changed your mind about meeting me?”
I had lots of work to do so managed to not look at my phone every two minutes for a response. Three hours later, I got this:
“Sorry I fell asleep putting the kids down last night and my day hasn’t been going as planned. My cousin had a bad reaction to meds today and went into full seizures and stopped responding for what seemed like forever. Emergency call later and I’m with him in the hospital now and he’s getting testing. Really scary as I thought he was dead in my arms at one point.”
The text was far too long to be bullshit.
I simply said “Oh my I’m so sorry. Do you need anything?”
He said “Something strong. I’m trying to get tickets for Tuesday. So either way let’s get together Tuesday after work”.
So I said “Sounds perfect. I will count on Tues. Do let me know if you need anything…Even temporary distraction. I’ve found it’s times like you are experiencing that it sucks to not have a spouse as default help or support.”
See? I’m usually very empathetic and try not to be an asshole.
He said thank you and then a bit later asked if I could talk. I wasn’t in a meeting so gave him a call from work. He was stressed and gave me the story of what happened. He asked my advice on how to deal with a couple of things, and I gave it freely.
I told him I felt like an asshole cynic but I come by it after too many bad experiences, and he laughed and said he knew his text could have sounded like an excuse. But we didn’t dwell on it.
We were both pleased to have a first date finally locked down for 10 days after we connected on line. Far too long for my liking, because a) you have to figure out a communication cadence that works for both, b) if you communicate too much you risk getting ahead of yourself before you’ve even met, and c) I like to know one way or another if something is worth my time.
It is what it is. I heard some of your feedback on my previous post where the men said loud and clear it means nothing to put in little or no effort before a first date. So I will put aside my preferences for minimal proactive communication (yes, that’s slightly sarcastic) and just see what happens next Tuesday night.
So the first hospitalization wasn’t particularly traumatic for me. But the second one was, and it will be my next post… but I’ve spent too long indoors on this glorious Spring day, so you (and me) will have to wait.