I was afraid she'd be hotter and younger

Statistically, not every woman can be hotter than me.

I’m going to write about the foursome I just experienced. But I want to first talk about some of the feelings and insecurity I had before it became a reality.

Today, I’m pretty confident both mentally and physically. The physical confidence has been a latecomer. In the last couple of years I’ve begun to embrace my generous ass, lack of thigh gap, and my cellulite.

Okay the latter is a lie – I hate having bumps.

But my body has given me and others such pleasure it seems foolish to spend time hating it. My ass has been openly adored by lovers such as Andrew, Jason, and Lewis. I know Tony is a fan, but he’s less effusive in his praise. I’ve been trying to be lighter and fitter, but that desire doesn’t mean I hate my reflection.

So this isn’t about some deep-seated insecurity necessarily.

When Lewis told me he had a female friend who wanted to “lick my pussy” (specifically, a bisexual lover who he has known for a couple of years but hasn’t seen in several months), one of my early inquiries was what she looked like.

He paused, seemingly not knowing what to say, and basically said she was average. I wasn’t sure I believed him. I was pretty damn sure that this man, black-skinned Adonis that he is, would only date equally hot women.

And while he and I are well matched in the libido and interests department, I definitely don’t see myself as hot as I think he is.

I was nervous about a foursome with a woman. Some of that was definitely because I’ve only had one sexual experience with a female. While I liked it the last time I wasn’t sure how his was all going to play out.
Lewis responded to all of my questions:

Would I be his primary partner? (Yes)

Why hadn’t they seen each other in the last several months? (Time, more than anything)

Would he be willing to show up early so we could have 1:1 time? (Yes)

What would happen if I didn’t want to engage with her sexually? (No big deal, we could just partner off)

The things I didn’t bother asking him but was worried about had to do with how I would feel watching him fuck her. I was pretty sure I would be okay with it, since I know what we have is 99% just sex.

Ultimately, however, as I paced my kitchen before they all showed up, I was most concerned about her being some goddamned goddess who would make me feel old, fat, and lumpy. I reached out to a lesbian friend who had great advice and lovely things to say.

Of course, I was surprised at who showed up at my doorstep.

46 thoughts on “Statistically, not every woman can be hotter than me.

    • I usually don’t get accused of being a tease, since I put out 😉
      But I’m rethinking the wisdom of adding that line because people focus on that instead of the rest of the post!

  1. Okay, I’ll skip the cliffhanger and dive into the self-image territory. I noticed that as I’ve grown older I am a lot more comfortable with my body than I was when I was 20-something and didn’t appreciate my “hotness.” I’m not as skinny as I once was – carrying a lot more flab, cellulite, and yes – my thighs have created brush fires when I run. I have that muffin top everybody talks about. I suppose I’m still a bit vain and while I don’t obsess about it too much – I really, really want to drop 10 pounds. My husband doesn’t care, and for that I’m grateful. But what I DO know is that were I out on the dating scene, I’d be obsessed with my body image and probably comparing myself to every sweet young thing I saw. It wouldn’t be pretty. And that’s all kind of silly, in the end. Now – to engage in a foursome? The only thing I’d be worried about there, to be truthful, would be that I would disappoint in my lack of experience (or, of course, that one or the other of us wouldn’t be attracted).

    Nevertheless, I’m half expecting you to tell us it’s someone you know. Can’t wait for Part 2.

    • Thank you!! I wasn’t thinking about it as a cliffhanger so much so glad you saw through that. I do think generally women become more comfortable as we age. It’s also good to hear that your husband doesn’t care.
      I suppose that’s what I’ve learned… the men in my life don’t really care about that 10lbs. I don’t care about Tony’s additional weight!
      The other thing, about dating? So many of the men I’ve dated have no interest in younger women. Sure, as objects, just like I might ogle a younger man. But actually as a potential partner? Nope. So you’re right, it’s completely silly.

      Wasn’t someone I knew, although that would have been hilarious! Or horrible.

    • My body type is close to Ann’s I think (though she may be totally hotter than me, for all I know 😉 ).
      My thighs also could create a brush fire. I’m not proud of it, but… having been with a husband who did obsess about it and made me feel less than, it was a welcome change to be on the dating scene and realise that there are MANY people who don’t seem to mind AT ALL. And quite a few who seem to actually love my body type. Or is it my whole personality? I can’t quite dismiss that idea 🙂

      Ok, I may need to add that I seem to attract a lot of African men. It’s Ok, they’re quite nice to me 😉

      What I’m trying to say is: don’t worry about being on the dating scene and not being as hot as others. There will always be the people who think you’re the hottest.
      Now, I’m with a man who tells me my legs are a thing of beauty (yes, those same legs that could start a brush fire), that my ass is just too hard to resist, and a muffin top? What muffin top? And the hairs on my arms actually turn him on. Yes, it’s a thing, apparently.

      So just love your body as much as you love yourself, and I promise you one thing: you’ll be irresistible to someone (sounds like you already are, actually 😉 ).

  2. I can absolutely say that while I’ve enjoyed my promiscuity it does have a self esteem price. I’be always appreciated women in all their different shapes and sizes, and in fact prefer the women who aren’t widely considered “hot” over the women who most men idealize. So my experience there has been great.
    With men however I have experienced very frequent issues with insecurity. Most men I’ve been with aren’t any more fit or good looking than I am, but most have bigger cocks, some by a lot. Before I started playing with men the only other penises I’d seen were in porn, and it’s easy to write those off as extremes or outliers. It kinda sucks when you meet a new guy and you find out that your dick is a lot thinner and shorter than his. I’ve seen and handled a lot of dicks and mine is on the low end of average. If I wasn’t promiscuous it wouldn’t matter so long as my partner was satisfied, but having new partners it makes me feel very insecure. And then I read ads on CL and everyone is looking for “hung” studs etc and I know that writes me off immediately and I hate it. It’s even invaded my thinking with Jen because she has a pretty large vagina and a low interest in sex…I find myself thinking that she’d be more interested in sex if I had a bigger penis that would fill her up more.

    Insecurities suck.

    • Insecurities do suck, and I have a ton of empathy for men. I suppose women can’t change the shape of their labia but that doesn’t seem to be a big deal. But penis size? Sure. And there’s nothing (other than some crazy surgery) you can do about it.
      I will tell you honestly that size isn’t the only thing that matters. I’ve had big cocks who are bad lovers and smaller than average who are amazing. Truly, there is more to it than size. I do hope you know that??

  3. I’m sure you had NOTHING to worry about, Ann.
    I’ve never even seen you in the flesh (except for a shot or two of certain magnificent areas), but I know you’re a beautiful woman – inside and out.

  4. Your ass is lovely. All your pictures give a fine outline of you and the shape is just outstanding. Your comparisons to others is not necessary. You know your self confidence has grown so well to let you proceed at all speed.

  5. I love the title of this post.

    I agree, it’s disconcerting to be having sex with other women in the room and wondering if you need to be thinking about how you look compared to them. At first I thought it would bother me, but then I was so comfortable with my parnter and trusted in his attraction to me that I actually didn’t care so much anymore. In turn, somehow, that turned into more set confidence for me.

    And, like you, I started to think of men I have pleased by my appearance alone (never mind pleasured) and thought “you know what, you’re not so bad” and that built more self confidence.

    We all have things we don’t like about ourselves – probably our 18 yet old selves too – but there is so much more to like about a woman who embraces herself and all her beauty.

    Like you.

    💖

    • I really didn’t compare much at all after the first few seconds, even the first time at the sex club when the woman was definitely more fit, more toned, with bigger (fake) tits and a smooth ass.

      And thank you, hon!!

    • That’s it, exactly! I would have worried before, but now… I know that, no matter where we go, who we’re with, I’m the hottest woman in the room in his eyes.
      Just like, no matter how much he worries about dick size, I couldn’t care less and his is my preferred one, no question about it.

      Being quite attracted by women, I also now realise that I prefer the one who have a little meat on them. I don’t mind a little flab here or there. But I don’t have much going on for the so called ‘super models’.

      Also, being on the swinging scene, I realise that I am really not that bad, compared to many others. And it’s quite empowering!

      Most importantly, when I’m having sex, I don’t think about this bit of body or that. I’m in the moment and everything else is forgotten. I focus more on the energy I get from my partners than on their actual physical shape. If it makes any sense 🙂

  6. I didn’t have a chance to really comment earlier, but I totally love the concept that it’s statistically not rational for every woman to be more attractive than me. I am in a completely monogamous marriage, but it seems I believe every woman I cross paths with is far more appealing than I am. But DH thinks I’m hottest, and truly that’s all that matters. But still … I secretly really like the idea that I must be more wow than some others out there.

What do you think?