I’m going to write about the foursome I just experienced. But I want to first talk about some of the feelings and insecurity I had before it became a reality.
Today, I’m pretty confident both mentally and physically. The physical confidence has been a latecomer. In the last couple of years I’ve begun to embrace my generous ass, lack of thigh gap, and my cellulite.
Okay the latter is a lie – I hate having bumps.
But my body has given me and others such pleasure it seems foolish to spend time hating it. My ass has been openly adored by lovers such as Andrew, Jason, and Lewis. I know Tony is a fan, but he’s less effusive in his praise. I’ve been trying to be lighter and fitter, but that desire doesn’t mean I hate my reflection.
So this isn’t about some deep-seated insecurity necessarily.
When Lewis told me he had a female friend who wanted to “lick my pussy” (specifically, a bisexual lover who he has known for a couple of years but hasn’t seen in several months), one of my early inquiries was what she looked like.
He paused, seemingly not knowing what to say, and basically said she was average. I wasn’t sure I believed him. I was pretty damn sure that this man, black-skinned Adonis that he is, would only date equally hot women.
And while he and I are well matched in the libido and interests department, I definitely don’t see myself as hot as I think he is.
I was nervous about a foursome with a woman. Some of that was definitely because I’ve only had one sexual experience with a female. While I liked it the last time I wasn’t sure how his was all going to play out.
Lewis responded to all of my questions:
Would I be his primary partner? (Yes)
Why hadn’t they seen each other in the last several months? (Time, more than anything)
Would he be willing to show up early so we could have 1:1 time? (Yes)
What would happen if I didn’t want to engage with her sexually? (No big deal, we could just partner off)
The things I didn’t bother asking him but was worried about had to do with how I would feel watching him fuck her. I was pretty sure I would be okay with it, since I know what we have is 99% just sex.
Ultimately, however, as I paced my kitchen before they all showed up, I was most concerned about her being some goddamned goddess who would make me feel old, fat, and lumpy. I reached out to a lesbian friend who had great advice and lovely things to say.
Of course, I was surprised at who showed up at my doorstep.