It has been over a month after the final blowout with He Who Shall Not be Named. While I feel different and very tentative about dating, earlier this week I thought why not just open up my dating profiles again and see what happens.
The last time, I met someone who seemed awesome pretty quickly. Given my dating rules, online dating doesn’t take up much time or energy. It’s pretty low stress. I know we had debates here whether I was ready, but it wasn’t a big deal to me.
I thought I’d try out a relatively new site called Bumble. In theory, it’s better for women because, while like Tinder in that you both have to “swipe right” for a match before you can communicate, unlike every other dating site, the woman is the only one that can initiate conversation. And you have 24 hours to do so.
So yes, you avoid the endless inbox of corny, bad, or inappropriate opening messages from men you have no interest in.
Within the first hour of “bumbling” I found both Jason and #14….and they both connected with me. Big fucking deal, I talk to both of them anyway.
I quickly came to hate Bumble.
First of all, my dating guidelines require I know something about the man and what he’s looking for. You’re lucky on Bumble if they tell you this. It’s like Tinder in it’s shallowness.
Second, my dating guidelines also require I don’t message a man first, because I remain steadfastly convinced that unless someone has the bandwidth (often restrained because they are talking to so many people) or the interest (only indicated by liking me) AND the boldness (someone who is willing to take the plunge and communicate first), they aren’t for me.
So here I am in the situation where I have to reach out first. Yes, while these men all in theory have “liked” me, swiping right is a game for many and I know of men who swipe right to absolutely everyone.
What did Bumble get me? Two funny conversations with exes. One conversation that went nowhere, and another that had potential until he just faded away. The rest of my “connections” just sat there mute, ignoring my opening lines.
Bumble should insist that the man have 24 hours to respond to a woman’s opening volley. Why like me if you don’t want to fucking talk to me?
So fuck that shit. I got a number from the one guy who at least seemed to want something similar, and deleted my profile 4 days after creating it.
I opened up Plenty of Fish and literally closed it back down within 30 minutes. It’s funny how many of the same men were there. It was just depressing to me.
I lasted a couple of days on OK Cupid, but that too delivered nothing but a feeling of “oh my god I soooo don’t want to deal with any of this crap right now”. But I did notice that HWSNBN had been online the first day I was – we still had a mutual like from before – so I unliked him and blocked him.
I’m glad he’s online, because it means I’m not in his line of sight anymore. Thank fucking goodness.
Maybe next week things will change. I have learned predicting when my internal tides will change is fraught with inaccuracy.
A friend yesterday referred to Tony as my security blanket. He’s comforting, but I am finding my own necessary distance from him as much as I can. Lewis and I are seeing each other tonight; joining us are Clark and another non-frequent bisexual female lover of Lewis’s. Gulp.
At least if I’m going to not be online dating, I can still have some great sex. Right?