As I mentioned recently, I got fed up with online dating after a record short time.
I actually was so irritated at the men on Bumble who swiped right then ignored my messages that I sent them all a goodbye message, telling them I was deleting the app and it was too bad we never got a chance to talk.
Totally ridiculously passive aggressive and useless. I do know this. But it made me feel better.
I had already stopped swiping, so I wasn’t active on the app. I waited a couple of hours then unmatched all of them.
I don’t remember why now, but I didn’t delete the app then. I probably got sidetracked. So when the app pinged the next day telling me I had a new match, I was a little surprised.
With a sigh I opened it up. Hmm. He seemed rather innocuous, he was tall and cute, with an interesting job and a bit of a description about himself. Obviously that’s what made me swipe right the first time. I sent him a message because I thought why the fuck not, I was going to delete it anyway.
Hail Mary pass.
Would you know? He responded. We exchanged maybe 12 text messages over the next 24 hours. A few jokes about his pictures (his lead picture is him holding a giant fish), a discussion about our mutual heights, a couple of inquiries about what we were looking for. Did we have children. Hardly a frantic pace.
The next night I found myself home alone, sans child or plans, as we exchanged another set of messages. I was tired of how long it takes to have a conversation by text and thought he and I should just talk on the phone. Five minutes later he messaged “you seem cool… Want to talk on the phone?”
Not two minutes later we were chatting. I called from my home line but not without blocking my number before dialing.
Before I knew it, two hours had passed. We had talked about kids and family and jobs and what we are good at. He told amusing stories about his job, and asked me about mine. He said nice things about what it must take to do my job. We talked about why we were both about to delete Bumble.
At one point he took way too long to tell me a work story. I was reminded of the Giant and worried he would just be the type to monologue but he recovered nicely.
He has an apartment in my city but his home is on a lake a couple of hours away. He’s been split for almost three years, did not have an amicable settlement, and has two kids close in age to Liam, who he has 50% of the time. He has an interesting job and sounds good at it. He’s close to his siblings.
He is not a big texter or big online dater. There was no flirtatious talk. But I liked him. He seems normal and drama free, which has unsurprisingly become a key characteristic. I texted him my mobile number before we hung up and said I’d love to talk to him again.
Now, I’ve had this debate with my friend Madeline, who after a somewhat similar situation is completely smitten. She admits she goes from 0-60 with lightening speed, with a fast texting pace and kissy face emoticons (sorry Mads!) and real hope of a connection, which before you’ve actually met someone in person often ends in disappointment. It’s more fun, perhaps, so I do feel like a bit of a cynical curmudgeon.
So I’m not the same at this point – a couple hour conversation has not sent me into a romantic tizzy. I didn’t even realize it was that long, which is a good sign. I’m looking forward to meeting him but know there’s a lot that can happen (or not!) to kill something before it even starts. And there’s a big chance we don’t have physical chemistry.
Given his location and his inconsistent presence near my workplace, my usual plan of meeting for a quick coffee during the day isn’t going to work. But I am a rule breaker most of the time so am keeping an open mind about how to make meeting him work.
And we’ll have to see if I even hear from him again. After all, I met him on Bumble, where I had to make the first move.