That magical and frightening time after a great first date

A warning to everyone – I’m writing this in the heat of the moment.

I wrote about Ian and our chance meeting on Bumble, and then my largely unwarranted concerns about his communication pace. He and I have had more phone calls than I would normally want prior to a first date, but it was 10 days from first contact to being able to meet.

We set a date to meet and the specifics were in his hands. I called him on Monday – forget this texting bullshit – to sort out general timing. Tuesday afternoon he confirmed where and when I was to meet him.

I was filled with nervous excitement all day. Some poor colleagues got the brunt of my talkativeness. I knew full well until I saw him face to face, and then until our lips touched, our physical chemistry would not be established.

I really hoped it would be good.

Prior to our date, we had one or two sexually flirtatious moments on the phone. They were not over the top and definitely not crass – a bit of joking about undergarments and high heels. It felt fun more than anything else…an appropriate middle ground. He had also expressed concern about what he was going to wear, given he thought I was going to show up in a power suit and heels, and he was usually more casual.

I am a huge believer in trying to make people feel comfortable, especially on a first date. I’m not going to show up as full-on corporate Barbie if I think it will be intimidating. I wanted to wear heels because he said he thought they were sexy and he liked the thought of me being 6′ in them (he’s 6’3″). But it was really cold and I knew we may be going to a sporting event.

I landed on a pair of slim black pants and black heels, and I changed into a sexy black sweater after work.

First impressions? He looked exactly like his pictures, and was slightly awkward which I chalked up to nerves. Securing a table for us early, he had offered to order me a drink when I was on my way. He had the right balance between making decisions and taking my desires into account. For example, he asked my preference for eating at the restaurant versus the game, and then gave a suggestion of two appetizers he would like and did either work for me. That kind of thing.

I will write more about our date, which went from 5pm until almost 2am. My pants stayed on the entire time.

He seems so bloody normal, which is a relief. He was sweet, fun, and sexy. We had perfect kissing chemistry…despite our first kiss shared with thousands of screaming sports fans.

I am exhausted, elated, and frightened. I like this guy but it’s only been one date. I find myself replaying some moments over and over again.

I’m worried. Worried we went too far physically, or that it’s just a matter of time before his crazy comes out. Or that he’s actually on the rebound, having recently come out of a 18 month long relationship (which was a topic of conversation). I’m worried about being let down. I’m worried I shared too much of myself with him. That no matter what I did or didn’t do, no matter what I said or didn’t say, there are so many reasons he could bail before our next day (on Friday).

Yet simultaneously I’m exited. Thrilled we were able to talk non-stop for hours in person just like on the phone. Over the moon about how good it was to kiss him. Giddy (literally) thinking of how this mild-mannered laid back guy pushed me up against a wall and kissed me, hard. The fun text message he sent when he went to the bathroom. How he whispered in the taxi ride “oh Ann, our sex is going to be soooooo good.” I smile at the though of his said-aloud worry that he shared too much about his ex-wife, or that he talked about his relationship.

And smile even bigger when I remember his words about how it was possible that he met me, and how awesome he thought I was.

He seemed vulnerable and nervous as much as he was sexy. I boldly asked, after an hour of making out late into the night, how often he would like to have sex each day. His answer? “Between 2 and 10 times”, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I’m not over-analyzing, despite how it might sound. I’m letting the contradictory feelings and emotions roll through me. And trying and failing to focus on work.

I can’t wait until Friday night.

59 thoughts on “That magical and frightening time after a great first date

  1. Promising start. Regarding all the worries, you have to let that go. If you being you causes things not to work, then it’s not supposed to work.

    Have you ever read the article by Mark Manson about the law of Fuck Yes or No? It has become my compass for dealing with any type of relationship, and it makes life so much simpler and better. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend doing so.

    • Thanks for this! Being married, dating advice is not something I routinely seek out. However, being married, I get a lot of single friends crying at my kitchen table when things go wrong. I have a new, better resource to offer them as to why things are not working out as hoped. 🙂

      • Glad to help! And the great thing about it is that you can apply it not just to dating, but any type of relationship (friends, family, business, etc.). Life’s too short for anything else.

      • Janelle, at first reading I thought you meant me and I thought surely I’m not a good resource lol… But then my head got screwed on back again and I realize you meant the link 🙂

        • Oh sorry for the confusion, Ann, but I have in fact referred others I know to your blog. Some of my close friends seem to think they are the only ones struggling to meet men, date, have sex, etc., especially after they turn 40 and leave long marriages or relationships.

          • Oh no need to apologize!! It made me laugh actually – at myself 🙂
            And that’s very sweet for you to pass on my blog… They are definitely not alone!!

  2. now enjoy this for and for the love of GOD, screw texting…its only disappointed u in the past so maybe go old school this time and keep it to phone calls….

    • I am totally enjoying it but admittedly a bit gun shy after the last experience, so I find myself wondering when the proverbial shoe will drop.
      Phone calls seem to be the way to go with him, although he did send a few fun texts when we were on the date.

  3. So excited for you to have had such a wonderful first meeting/first date experience. I don’t see this as over-analyzing so much as just normal levels of happiness and excitement of seeing him again and the possibilities and mysteries of whatever comes next.

    • I do know I have a tendency (!) to over analyze… I am absolutely worried that yet again I’m going to meet someone who seems lovely at first and then red flags show up and it will end. I am usually a willing optimist with this stuff but I’m feeling a bit fragile still.

      • After the experience with he who shall not be named, completely understandable. Maybe it is just as well you had to struggle a little to find a just-right communication style and time to arrange a first meeting, first date. I’ll be holding good thoughts and energies for you that Friday’s second date is equally wonderful if only in it’s basic normality.

      • I see no sex on the first date, communication before meeting and the excitement of the meeting. If you have those butterflies when you think of him and you’re excited to see him again then I think it will turn into something wonderful for both of you. I know you’re apprehensive due to the last unmentionable fella, this one feels different to me. I am hopeful for you on this one. Don’t fuck the crap out of him right away <3. Save that for the second time hahaha. I will keep reading with great interest!

  4. As I shared previously, I saw multiple red flags with the last guy from the beginning (unfortunately he did turn out to be a lot like my ex-husband). This guy seems refreshingly emotionally healthy, normal and balanced which is promising. Who knows what will happen, but he doesn’t seem like a psycho right? (Totally kidding but kind of serious!)

  5. You know what I love? You’re not jaded. In spite of all your adventures and trials and tribulations, you still get giddy and have all the worries everyone has at the beginning of a relationship. There’s nothing better than a heart that stays naive and hopeful. As for my thoughts on the first date, don’t worry about the worries. None of them. Yours, his, it doesn’t matter. Let them go and have fun. The relationship will be what it’s going to be. I’m happy for your happiness. Now it’s Saturday. What happened last night?!!?

  6. I’m starting to worry, folks! Each time there has been this kind of delay waiting for a post, it’s meant bad news. I sincerely hope I’m wrong, but the lady in charge here could but an end to our(my) worries if only she’d………you know.

What do you think?