It’s quite true. They come back.

This isn’t something that just happened, but I haven’t had a chance to write about it and figured some levity might be a good thing for me right now.

WAY back when I first started dating, and acted like a crazy woman when someone disappeared (just read about the Cook to see an example), there was a guy who I met for one date and then he gradually disappeared, but not before he also continued to reach out to a close friend of mine online.

I lost my shit. I literally cringe when I read the post, but go read it and then come back. I’ll wait.

When he liked my friend and not me (2 of 3)

Two funny things have happened since with this guy.

First, when I went back online after Fox, he reached out to me on one of the dating sites I was on. I was really shocked – if the tables were turned I wouldn’t come anywhere near someone who acted so batshit crazy.

I don’t think he remembers how nuts I went. We had a short dialogue and I didn’t take the bait so he just wished me well.

Months later he reached out to me on a swingers site I have a profile on. I’ve been barely active there for months, and just occasionally respond to messages. I don’t have a picture of my face, so he didn’t know it was me. He said:

Just wanted to pop by and say hello. Lovely profile. I hope that your week has been going well. You’ve got such a wonderful energy.

The only reason I bothered to sign on to the website and respond is because I saw the profile name was very similar to the one he used on the dating site. I wanted to see if it was him, and it was.

So I responded with a little personal information about me and suggested perhaps we had met before. It was indeed him and he had no idea it was me.

Fucking hilarious.

Curiosity got the better of me so I gave him my mobile number. He wanted to immediately switch to a phone conversation but I had no interest. We’ve texted a little bit and turns out he’s been exploring being with couples, but he wants to find a partner for sex club action.

I’m not so interested this time. Despite my being batshit crazy the last time, I’m not so keen on spending any time with a man who clearly had so little interest in me he didn’t want a second date.

I told him I thought it funny he wasn’t interested in me after our first date but subsequently reached out. He says what he remembered is I didn’t seem interested in anything physical with him or a physical relationship.

Which is even more funny, because at the time, what he said to me was he wasn’t “romantically interested” in me after our date. Having a blog and saving text exchanges is handy in times like these!

I didn’t want to bother getting into it with him, so just said it was quite the contrary; at the time, I wasn’t interested in a relationship.

I like the symmetry of these experiences, and it reinforces for me that so much of what happens is dependent on the timing (I’ve written before about how critical timing is). Because this guy obviously likes something in my profiles – he’s now reached out three times. Who knows what it really was the first time – maybe he truly wasn’t into me, maybe there was someone else. It doesn’t matter.

But he’s not going to get the opportunity to know what it’s like to be with me.


Image source: Wikipedia, Night of the Living Dead

29 thoughts on “It’s quite true. They come back.

  1. Fantastic write, sometimes for your own sanity it’s better not to give someone a second chance to fuck up. He had his chance, he missed it, let him follow you now like a dog on heat with his tail between his legs lol

  2. He has no real idea what he’s missing…
    Love to read your other recent posts, but I don’t have a password.
    Hope you’re doing well, though.

  3. He sounds to me like somebody who isn’t into commitments – flying by the seat of his pants and a whim. Probably reaching out to several people daily to see who he can hook. Enjoy the humor in it. πŸ™‚

    • No need to apologize…that was an old story of mine. From just after my divorce. I still see his profile every once in a while on dating sites, and I just laugh when I think about it now.

  4. I totally agree. Timing is crucial. Sometimes I wish for the gift of time travel so I could explore the “what might have been” situations. At the same time also think that if it was meant to be the timing would have worked out. Chances are that you dodged some type of relationship billet with him.

    • Well ultimately I know understand if someone isn’t pursuing me, it’s generally because they aren’t smitten. So that’s okay… it means they feel pretty neutral about me, so why would I get fussed when they disappear?

  5. And…I love learning from the master! Lol. It’s true….the same once do really seem to come back. I distinctly recall saying “the one I wished would come back didn’t” referring to R…and sure enough, even he came back in time. That was the first time you told me they ALL come back in time.

    So does that mean I can expect Bobby to come back at some point too? ha – please don’t answer that rhetorical question.

  6. A lot of people out there don’t know what how much they need something/someone until they’ve lost it forever. That, I believe, is one of the greatest tragedies of being human. Anyway, most interesting read. You got a new follower πŸ™‚

  7. His interpersonal skills are obviously lacking if he can’t recall you. Funny post those – people can be so darn flaky. I have the horrible inability to remember faces (and names on occasion). It’s so darn frustrating when people remember me and I have no friggin’ idea who they are…..

  8. Don’t have time to read all the Cook’s posts. I don’t think you acted crazy with this guy, so I don’t see your point.
    I’m just glad to read that you don’t even consider anything with him. πŸ™‚

      • Well… what’s the point if they aren’t interested in you? As I said: dating is complicated enough as is without the online part, as far as I’m concerned.
        But I do understand why you would go for it! I just don’t have the inclination I guess πŸ™‚

  9. I had this a couple of times….ironically the same guy I refused to sleep with for immaturity and anal sex refusal…..was the first one to hit my new profile up when I returned to a site, 18 months later. He also lied about finishing his PhD….! Bwahaha! I also was hit up by a guy I had a coffee date with then ghosted… he reminded me of a cousin….! πŸ˜‰ LB xx

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