It’s been two weeks since I met Sevag. Only two weeks, even though we’ve seen each other more than ten times in that time frame. Is that like dog age dating? Each week is like seven? Perhaps. Even so, I’m challenged to explain (to me, to Sevag, and to my friends) how there are some things which just feel so right and so perfect, and others I’m still wary of.
I was at a sporting event with a close friend this week. I told her some of the things he’s told me, like “I’m falling in love with you, Ann”, and at first she, like everyone else, scoffed at the sentiment and his presumed impulsiveness. “Who could say such a thing so soon?” is the common refrain. I didn’t defend him other to say we did have a strong connection and he speaks from the heart.
Then later, I mentioned where he was from. He’s middle eastern, for those who have asked.
“Oh!” she said. “Forget all the stuff I said earlier…it all makes sense now. You’re good.”
Turns out she’d dated a similar man a decade ago, and also experienced the passion and expressiveness that seems to be just how they roll. If any of you have experience in such matters, I’d love to hear your opinion.
He tells me to just let him be who he is. He knows his feelings make me nervous and I’m skeptical, but it doesn’t stop him from expressing them – although he did say he would try to not freak me out.
I’m not freaking out, I’m just waiting for the “oh, yeah, it’s too bad about X”, which will signal the thing that prevents us from continuing to move forward.
In contrast to Fox, when Sevag told me about his love and I didn’t reciprocate, he didn’t get hurt or petulant. He didn’t say things that made me feel guilty. Sevag simply said he knew I wasn’t in the same place and he hoped someday I would be. It was not an issue…which I really appreciate.
This is how I’m thinking about things with him at this point:
Intellectually, we are as close to a perfect match as I’ve ever had – even better than my ex-husband Will. It’s not just intellectual horsepower, which is what Tony and I also shared. It’s about the actual things we believe and how we approach challenges. Tony didn’t talk much about how he felt or what he believed, whereas Sevag and I talk about everything. He’s an open about his feelings as discussions about God and reincarnation or what’s happening in the world. Our alignment is what drove a big part of our perfect OK Cupid match, I believe.
There is nothing else I need to experience with him to know that this is amazing.
Physically, things are wonderful so far. Our first sexual experience was great for a first time, and I can see it just getting better. He’s skilled and likes to take control in the bedroom, which is what I like. I believe he will try a lot of things, but he’s not particularly kinky. He is not likely to be the man to share me with others (although he was interested in going to a sex club). Could this be a problem for me? Maybe.
But like height, it’s not a deal breaker for me. If I can be with someone who gives me intellectual, emotional, and physical pleasure, and is otherwise a good partner? Not sure I need more sex club experiences to have a full life…and it wasn’t like I ever had the opportunity to test my sex club / occasional swinging stuff in a long term relationship anyway.
Emotionally? Well, this is one area where frankly I think I need more time to sort out how strong our alignment is. Whenever I wrote of the amazing intellectual and physical connection Tony and I had, several of you sagely pointed out the emotional seemed to be missing.
This is the stuff I think about when I say I need to see how someone is when they are angry or stressed, or how they are with their friends. It’s the stuff outside of intellectual and physical and other than having a sense that things will work, I don’t know I can figure it out quickly. Because don’t we say what we want to be true, versus how we really are?
So when I think of Sevag, it’s the emotional and practical stuff I just don’t know yet. I won’t know until we experience more things together.
And as I learned with Tony, I can have a great intellectual and physical connection but if the emotional is missing, a relationship just isn’t going to work.