I sense real trouble with this one.

I woke up this morning wondering if the hours spent with Sevag last night were a dream. An amazing, intense, wonderful, dream.

They weren’t, but easily could be.

My heart and head are fighting a serious battle; a good one this time. It is so seductive to be romanced by someone who looks at me like he can see into my heart and soul. I actually think he can.

He has sussed out truths about me without my explicitly sharing information that would allow this conclusion.

My heart wants to just let go into this and feel all the big feelings this amazing man brings up. My brain says things like “but Ann’s heart REALLY? It’s been a week. You haven’t had a dinner yet. What if you find out he doesn’t have any friends? What if he doesn’t like yourΒ friends? What if he doesn’t want to go to blues clubs with you?”

And my heart just gives my brain that knowing look (as best a heart can) and sighs and says “Seriously?Β You think these things have anything to do with love, you practical ninny?”

So the practical side of me says sure, of course I can see potential right away – and Sevag and I have it in spades – but until you spend time with someone it’s impossible to know whether a relationship will really work. You know, how they treat their Mom, what they are like with their friends, how they act when stressed and angry.

And of course if I let myself go, there’s danger ahead.

You see, that’s the problem. Fear. Read my post about what happened with my ex-husband Will to know why this scares the bejesus out of me. Whatever a bejesus is.

Staring intently into my eyes yesterday, my fiery Aries expressed how he felt about me. I could see myself reflected in his eyes, and he said:

“You are frightened.”

Oh.

Fuck.

38 thoughts on “I sense real trouble with this one.

    • OMG it’s crazy exciting and I’m trying to be reasonable about the whole thing… and of course there’s nothing reasonable about it at all!! We hung out on my couch last night (no sex) for four hours and talked and kissed. Even then, I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time just looking into someone’s eyes without speaking. I just can’t explain how he makes me feel or understand how I can feel this way…and of course I’m challenging myself whether this is just want I want, versus what is right.
      But he understands that this freaks me out, that I’m scared, and that I’m relatively newly out of a relationship. He said he will be patient but I’d better not try to stop him from telling me how he feels πŸ™‚

    • My gut and heart are aligned. There is a connection between the two of us that is undeniable in its intensity….intellectual, emotional, physical.
      My brain knows that even with these feelings, it’s not a guarantee of anything. So that’s what I’m battling… I’m not denying that connection, but it doesn’t mean I think a relationship will definitely work with him.

  1. Right, where shall I start?
    First, my initial reaction was “does he read her maybe?” too. For what it’s worth.
    But then… I know that feeling all too well. We have never spent 4 hours just looking at each other, but that’s exactly how I felt after one of our early fucks. I had never been made love to before.
    And yes, you are right, at least your heart is, it is possible to get that connection, to be with someone who seems to get you, and brings what you need at the time you need it, knows how you feel even when you don’t, or when they don’t know how to articulate it.
    I’m thinking about Marian’s Australian for example.

    It is not a guarantee of anything in the long term, but… who needs to look past tomorrow? I mean, enjoy today, plan to be together tomorrow, but after that? It’s anybody’s guess what will happen, and no one needs to know that long in advance!

    Sigh… just enjoy today. Carpe Diem and all that πŸ™‚
    No one is asking you to go too fast. And everything is alright.

    Smiles on my end of the world!
    XO

    • In those 4 hours we also talked and kissed like crazy. But there was a lot of quiet staring πŸ™‚

      Yes, a similar situation perhaps to Marian’s Australian. I’m not ready to say anything about our souls. Yet.

      You’re right, there are no guarantees and no part of me thinks that with this connection there is a guarantee. But it’s a powerful thing I’m experiencing and it does scare me a little.

      xo

  2. Maybe Heart and Head need to put up the united front and demand that Ann go out on a proper date with Ari before they (H & H) get too entrenched to do battle?

    I am probably the least romantic person commenting on your blog, Ann, but I am always hopeful that things will work and you will find your happy. That said, Head is not going to STFU until it has more data to process, hence my thought that proper date is in order before Heart gets too carried away with the waves of emotion and good feelings toward this truly amazing-sounding man.

    Connection/chemistry is a wonderful thing, but like anything it needs nourishment and nurturing in a multitude of ways to grow as well as achieve sustainable balance. But you know that already.

  3. I agree with Janelle about the proper date. I can’t believe she is the least romantic commenter though –she and I may need to duke it out.

    Ann, you have got a fabulous rush of hormones going on. Your body knows this man makes you feel good, your brain is happy because he is smart, etc. Your heart is aching for love (both to love and be loved). It’s all good. BUT remember that there is no hurry on this journey. You can keep a leisurely pace and enjoy it all as it SLOWLY unfolds.

    Just take your time, enjoy the fabulous feelings and emotions. Don’t over think this (as you have a tendency to do) and relax. I’m so excited for you. Good luck!

    • I couldn’t agree more there is no hurry. I’ve been at a good pace the last month and not in a rush to find someone. I think the key for me – no matter how intensely I may feel for Ali at some point – is to not do things that get me too far ahead. Like rushing for him to meet Liam. No way. As long as I can keep my head about me with regard to any collateral impact, even if I fall quickly myself, I think I will be okay.

      • I would suggest keeping a healthy dose of outings with your girlfriends for two reasons: 1) give yourself some distance to catch your breath and dissect how things are going and 2) something of a test for Ali. How does he respond when you have plans with others that don’t include him? That’s the cynical but practical side of me. A little testing doesn’t hurt….

        • Oh goodness yes! My friends are non negotiable. Nobody is going to impact my friends or family in a negative way ever again. That’s another one to ensure I don’t lose sight of.
          Interestingly, he raised to me that he needed his own space and time. The words are right, now we’ll see if the actions match them!
          xoxo

        • Totally agree here. One of the best sanity checks I’ve found is what happens when I introduce resistance into the equation that appears to be unilaterally hurling along twd some lovedbonded (or enmeshed?) conclusion. It’s very good intel.

  4. This sounds like so much fun! πŸ™‚

    I’m sure I’ve asked this before (and you probably answered, sorry!): what site/s did you find Tony, Fox and Ali on?

    Ferns

  5. Don’t be frightened. I decided to marry my first and current husband after 20 mins. Still here 21 years later….in the position of him cheering from the sidelines for my renewed sexual self. LBxx

  6. As you know, my head and heart are often at odds with each other. I almost always go with my heart which might not always be the best choice but it certainly is the most fun and exciting. I’m looking forward to reading more about this latest venture.

  7. I agree with the general consensus to take your time.
    I hadn’t read your Will posts before, but they left me feeling nauseous as they remind me so much of my first marriage (which was also in 1998). I only wish I HAD told my mom my misgivings … because SHE would have halted the wedding. Nonetheless, two beautiful kids came out of my ignoring my reservations, so it couldn’t have been ALL bad. And – lessons learned.

    Ali sounds very exciting, but for me so much intensity makes me want to RUN. Slow it down – or, rather – slow him down. I like the other comments about testing the waters of independence/resistance with him, and see how that works within this new “relationship.” (Not to be construed as “game-playing”)

    • Sorry to hear it was so similar for you. I have the same conclusion – if I regret moving ahead with him I wouldn’t have Liam in my life. So it is what it is. But lessons learned, indeed.
      The intensity scares me a bit, but I also believe it’s not neediness for him (which would have me running in the opposite direction)… I think Ali is as surprised at the intensity of his feelings as I am!

What do you think?