We’d just fucked and were lying spent on our hotel room’s king bed for the third or fourth time that day. I had been drinking steadily since 10am, wasn’t drunk but had been lightly buzzed for several hours.
I don’t recall how it happened or why I felt compelled to talk, but I did. I don’t remember everything we said because I didn’t have the luxury of taking notes afterwards so as not to forget.
Naked, straddling him, I told him I almost didn’t come on the trip.
He was floored, asking me why I didn’t tell him before. I said plainly it was because with all the holiday stuff going on we didn’t talk much before the trip, and because not going was tantamount to breaking up with him and I wasn’t ready to do that.
I calmly explained I changed my mind because I wanted to give him a chance, and I believed adults had all the capacity to change their behavior, should they desire to do so.
I challenged him why the hell he didn’t just go to that fucking dinner alone, or not at all. He said I was right that he should have and he didn’t know. I asked why Mary went and he said he told her she had to (path of least resistance I suppose).
He told me then (and other times) that his colleague was really on his outer circle; as much as they’d worked together recently he hadn’t done so much prior to late summer. He asked “have you ever heard me speak of him before August?” and said “I wish you’d know just how irrelevant he is.”
Like it matters.
I asked him why he seems to equate being a good father only with being a good father to his son along with Mary. In other words, why doesn’t he manage his child on his own? Why can’t he do his own thing with him, or with other people? One answer he gave me was that he and Mary do stuff together because it’s easier to manage their son with two people.
Another kinda bullshit response, in my humble opinion.
He has lots of reasons he can’t sort his divorce out. Neither of them have standard schedules that would allow for a regular arrangement for their son. She can’t afford to buy him out of the house and he can’t afford to keep giving her money for that house and get his own two bedroom place in the same neighborhood. He doesn’t want to move his son away from his school and his friends. Etcetera, etcetera.
I suggested he’s not the first person to face these kinds of issues and there are arbitrators and lawyers who can help with that, assuming it’s what he wants.
I know I said more to him but don’t remember the details: I will add them in the comments as they come back to me. I didn’t demand anything from him, or give him any ultimatums. But I wanted him to know how serious this was for me and how displeased I was.
When he reached his capacity for discussing the topic, we moved on to other things.
I told myself to keep it under wraps for the rest of the trip, to try to stay in the moment and enjoy hanging out.
I was only partially successful in doing so.