Sevag’s first message on OK Cupid was thoughtful, honest, and customized for me. It was, frankly, as perfect as any opener could be:
“Yes we are a match 🙂 According to OK Cupid, 96%. Great! Your profile is very interesting and I would love to hear what changed or made you change for the last two years. Sounds like a conversation over a good bottle of red. 200k songs in your iTunes library? I thought I was a music fan, my library has only a couple of thousands 🙂 But I can tell we have the same taste and I would love to explore that. I must say I am excited (maybe I should hold my horses for the first message, but I am who I am) and I would love to know more about you. Sevag”
His profile was well crafted and showed a man who was well dressed, in good shape, and ruggedly handsome. I hoped he wasn’t lying about his height being 5’10” – although I can get around someone being my height, shorter I have a problem with. My height and slender is an issue; I don’t like feeling big.
But I’m past the point of thinking height is a hard requirement. There are other things far more important – Faraway Lover was 5’7″ and he rocked my sexual world. Although of course I appreciated Fox being taller than me even in my highest heels, it only got him so far.
Sevag and I were a 96% match. This is not an insignificant thing, given both he and I have answered hundreds and hundreds of questions (I’m at over 1,300 now). You may know this, but OK Cupid was created by a statistician; it’s one of the things I appreciate about that site. Plenty of Fish “matches”, in contrast, are based on who has viewed your profile. It’s bullshit.
We had a relatively quick exchange on the site and moved to text.
We spoke Sunday night. It was an effortless hour and fifteen minute conversation that ended only because I had to go to bed.
He has a sexy accent and a gruff voice. He’s a relatively recent immigrant here; his son and ex-wife live on the other side of the world. He is honest and passionate. We talked about what we were looking for, past relationships, and how we feel about watching porn.
I don’t think he’s a threesome or sex club kind of guy. Nobody’s perfect. And I’m not making light of or minimizing my desires, but I will take that one as it comes. I leaned the hard way it’s not a question you can really ask a man on a first date; they assume something untrue. Or they don’t like the truth and can’t handle who I am and what I want.
He spoke about the need to meet to assess chemistry. When I suggested I could find a time for coffee in the next few days, he wondered aloud whether we’d be able to kiss if we were in the vicinity of my colleagues. Because kissing is important. Chemistry is critical and we can’t really know if it exists – despite great conversations and a high match – until we see each other in person and then make a physical connection.
I’m surprised how many people think this can be judged in advance. You can have a sense of compatibility, of liking similar things, but until your lips touch, you can’t know.
I liked this guy.
He has a way of being alpha and excited about meeting me at the same time. He’s not trying to play it cool and keep me guessing – he’s not trying to be “chill”. He told me he’s honest and straightforward. All things I admire.
His schedule is more flexible than mine; I found a time where I could squeeze in a coffee date, and we were booked.
I was nervous.
He didn’t lie about his height; we literally see eye to eye. He was well dressed and on time. He kissed me on the cheek in greeting and put his hand in the small of my back to steer me into the coffee shop lineup. I like that. Is a bold and protective move.
I would be lying if I said there was an instant jolt of electricity; there wasn’t. There was no tingle when he first put his hand on my arm. I looked down at his hand and it wasn’t Tony’s.
Yes, I compared it to Tony and our first date. I don’t know that will ever change.
But did I mention this guy is divorced, apparently emotionally available, communicative, and we have a lot in common?
I could tell Sevag was nervous. Not so much that it seriously impacted our conversation, but I had the distinct impression he was distracted when he looked at me. He told me a few times how beautiful I was. It wasn’t creepy or over the top. It was genuine and sweet.
He occasionally put his hand on my arm or my knee. We sat side by side nursing our coffees, talking. I kept thinking coffee may not be a great taste for a first kiss. My time was running out and my internal monologue was dangerously close to taking over – were were going to kiss right there? Was he still going to kiss me? Where would we go? What would it be like?
My questions were answered shortly after I told him I had to go or I would be late for a meeting. He took me by the hand and asked if he could walk me to my office. We stopped a little ways away; I didn’t want to be kissing some guy with a stream of colleagues filing by. We tucked into an alcove away from the swarms of people and without hesitation he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me.
At first he rammed his tongue down my throat (guys, you’ve got to ease into that!) but he quickly matched his pace and technique to mine. He put his hand on my waist and I rested one hand on his bicep and the other on his pectoral. He’s solid.
It was a very good kiss and I could feel my body responding. I could feel his passion and intensity. Sevag pulled away and looked at me – his eyes are such a dark brown its hard to see his pupils – and said he didn’t want to stop doing that. I could relate.
But with promises of talking later that day we finally had to pull away, and I merged into the crowd.
Kissing chemistry? Check.
Shit, now what?