It’s been 8 days and I’m still truckin’

It’s 8 days since Tony and I broke up. My first 3 days weren’t horrible, with sweating, talking, and a good fuck on Monday night. Tuesday I went out with a girlfriend for drinks and dinner. I was hoping to see the Comedian afterwards but he had to deal with work at the last minute.

Wednesday I had a friend over for dinner. Over sushi and proscecco we talked about life and breakups and the general shittiness of my situation.

Thursday I met a new man for tea. He’d reached out to me on the website for a local swingers club and had been interested in meeting me for a while. He knew about Tony and my hesitance to meet him was primarily because Tony wasn’t ready for any group play, and I didn’t want to vet any new men until that time. 

He was attractive, well-spoken, and we had a good conversation. He’s an engineering professor with a PhD. And… he’s married, something which didn’t come up in any of our prior conversations. He was wearing a ring so naturally I asked him about it. He didn’t try to lie. He said he and his wife weren’t getting along and hadn’t had sex in a couple of years. But she doesn’t know about his alternate lifestyle.

But I just can’t do it. It was bad enough someone emotionally tied to his marriage but living apart, let alone someone living under the same roof.

I kissed him goodbye and in a subsequent text, told him I appreciated meeting him but had strong reservations about seeing him again, especially solo (I told him about breaking up with Tony). He has sent a few very sweet follow-up notes but I just can’t be a part of that deception and potential drama.

Thursday night was supposed to be a foursome with Lewis, but his friend cancelled so he came over solo. I was relieved, honestly. I wasn’t sure I was mentally ready for that sexual experience.

It was late, but we still chatted over a bottle of white wine (which he brought) for a good hour before we made our way upstairs. This session was more cervix bruising than the last, so he suggested I come up with a safe word to use when it’s too much for me. It was another 2am bedtime, but that cock is pretty glorious. I managed to stay mostly out of my head this time, and not think about Tony constantly.

It doesn’t help me get over him, but it does keep me distracted.

Friday morning I woke up to another text from #14. The man’s got a way with words, that’s for sure. I took off from work and went on a short road trip with a girlfriend. It was a perfect day – non-stop talking and advice both given and received, a bit of shopping, and divine chicken wings.

I had plans with Jason to go to a local sex club, but upon return home from our day trip I was overcome with sadness and the thought of reconnecting with Jason in public, and just being in a sex club, was too much for me. I told him I’d rather not go and asked if he could come to my place instead.

He cancelled the whole thing. So I was sad about Tony, then sad about not seeing Jason. It was super shitty and there were tears. I pathetically lost myself in social media until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Completely by accident I found Tony’s Instagram account when I used their “connect with your contacts” feature. He hasn’t used in in a long time and there were several smiling pictures of his son and his ex. Ugh.

Saturday morning I slept in, tackled a bunch of stuff in my house, then had three girlfriend dates in rapid succession, from a chat over wine, to a chat over reflexology, and a chat over dinner with someone who has known me for over 30 years.

The nights are hardest. I can be busy during the day but it’s the quiet and solitude in my bed that brings out the sadness.

The Comedian and I had hoped to see each other on Sunday but again, it didn’t work. So I was staring down an entire day with nothing to do. Liam is staying with Will until mid-week because Will is travelling when he’s supposed to have Liam so we’re trying to balance the schedule a bit. So no relief in the form of my child.

I purged some clothes and put things away in my bedroom that had been collecting dust. Shoes were returned to their places in my closet, boot shapers went back into boots, and I tried on most of my dresses, putting the ones that don’t fit in a bag to open when I’m down 10 lbs. It felt good to clean.

After stopping at Will’s for a chat about Liam, I went to the gym where I tried to make friends with a treadmill, then I went to see “Star Wars” – by myself. I don’t know if I’ve ever gone to a movie on my own. It was perfectly fine and I’m glad I did it. There was no way I wanted to see it on a small screen, and I didn’t want to go hope to mope around.

I was nurtured by my friends this week and I’m so grateful they’ve been here for me. I know it’s not the easiest thing to be around someone who’s hurting and mopey. I get it. But they’ve listened to me with compassion, even when I’ve doubted my decision, and supported me in moving forward.

I know this isn’t a lot about my feelings. There are thoughts swirling around in my head constantly. But I also know at some point continuing to rehash the same shit over and over again is probably unhealthy. I do believe I made the right decision, but that only gets me so far. I’m still mourning the loss of the man and the relationship.

But today, I did re-open my OK Cupid profile.

38 thoughts on “It’s been 8 days and I’m still truckin’

  1. “The nights are hardest. I can be busy during the day but it’s the quiet and solitude in my bed that brings out the sadness.” That’s when the SELF LOVE is important!! Remind yourself you are a woman who will never settle. Enjoy the alone time until you meet that man who can fulfill ALL your wishes and desires…that’s what’s been working for me =)

  2. For me its always been a matter of time to get over things especially when it comes to lost relationships. I find cleaning and organizing a good way to purge thoughts as well as excess and to feel better because I have been productive.

    • Feeling productive is really great, it’s also a good distraction, and there’s a benefit to the action!

      I know it will take time to move on emotionally. There is always going to be a place in my heart that is Tony’s.

  3. I’m glad you posted, I wonder every day how you are doing and it’s good to see how incredibly well you are handling things. You are a strong woman and your progress is admirable. Keep on truckin’!

    • I feel strong sometimes and in the next moment feel very weak. I burst into tears on my way home from the movie theater. I know it’s the right decision and I just keep telling myself that over and over… which does help.

      Thank you for your ongoing support!

  4. Little time, my own shit storm to deal with, but like Sassy above, I’m glad you posted and to know that you are doing well, as well as things can be expected after just a week. I wanted to say “Has it only been a week?” because so much is going on in my life on this side of the pond, but I do understand that for you it’s probably the longest week you’ve had to go through in a long time.

    Hugs!

  5. You are doing good by trying to keep as busy as possible. Distraction is great right now until the emotions have time to settle a bit. This love stuff can really hurt… I know. We are going to be okay though. A good woman doesn’t stay down. ❤️

  6. What they said. You’re doing all the right things. You need time. Cleaning always made me feel better, though I suppose this is such a thing as a too-clean toilet. Reinvesting in yourself is the best distraction right now.

  7. I know the hurt still rears its head, but things will get better. You’re right in following your heart when you just are not feeling it with certain activities you’ve been invited to do. Take time to love Ann…. I’ve heard she’s a thoughtful, smart and strong woman. Hugs from across the miles…..XOXO

    • I think especially with some of the sex club stuff, there are already potential risks. I know if I’m already feeling emotionally fragile then it’s not worth it. I was worried about letting Jason down but I knew it was the right thing for me.

      Your comments made me smile – thank you for the kind words. xoxo

  8. It sounds to me like you’re doing as well as one could to get over a relationship. So you have a thing for comedians? Have you read my blog? (J/k I’m married of course. But my blog might cheer you up. I made fun of death over the weekend. From what I hear, death is supposed to be harder to get over than a breakup)

  9. I think you are doing great. You are keeping busy, but most importantly you are saying NO to guys when you aren’t up for what they want. Keep away from the married one – he’s nothing but trouble.

    • Really, there’s no worry. There are so few men who are interesting to me at all. There has been only one I’ve responded to so far and that was only because I knew him from before and was simply saying hello back.

        • Because I don’t reach out proactively to anyone and 99% of the men I see don’t interest me. I would be shocked if anything came of it, but I wanted to start showing up in search results… It takes a while for things to heat up. And the one time I searched it helped me say “Ann, this is okay, there are some interesting men out there.” But I don’t contact anyone.

          • I have never done the online dating thing, so I wouldn’t know how long it takes to ‘heat up’. I guess I’m more of a “if you’re not ready, don’t do it”, and maybe wondering what your real reasons are. I do understand that you are thinking it will take time, but… so what? Are you afraid of losing a month or two of your life? Is that what this is about?
            Of course, I hope you know these questions are asked with the utmost respect and from a good place, I just like to try and analyse my behaviours when I can, it sometimes helps me discover things I need to work on within myself 🙂

          • I’m not afraid of anything right now Dawn, other than a vague wonder if I can find another person with the same kind of connection I had with Tony. No, I’m not worried life is passing me by or feeling any urgency or desperation to meet anyone or have a boyfriend.

            Honest to god it’s literally what I said – I’ve spent maybe 15 minutes in total on the site, and a part is to remind myself there are some good men out there. Like last summer, I am very selective with who I engage with. I don’t reach out to anyone proactively. I don’t talk to anyone unless they clearly meet my requirements. I’ve only responded to one guy and he’s just an old lover who asked how I was doing.
            If someone reaches out and they seem amazing, would I go on a coffee date? Absolutely. The likelihood of that happening on the next week or two? Very low.

        • Oh and I literally mean there are few men that meet my criteria and who have reached out so I’m therefore not interested – it’s not that I’m seeing men and don’t have the general interest.

What do you think?