Back to the “online dating is ridiculous” posts…

I wouldn’t quite say I’m online dating just yet, but before I deleted a bunch of the messages in OK Cupid I screen captured them so I could share them here in all their douchy or boring glory.

I’m going to start with the first new person I responded to. His profile met my criteria, and I liked his somewhat clever start. But how quickly it disintegrated…

His stuff is in italics and mine isn’t.

Luv that smile. tell me more about you, what do u prefer…
summer or winter
wine or beer
meat or fish
shower or bath

Wine (except on the beach and during baseball games – then beer)


Summer wine meat shower

Dogs or cats
SUV or sedan
Chest or Butt
Larry, curly or Moe
Long hair or short hair
top or bottom
heels of flats

-Had a dog most recently but grew up with cats.
– sedan (for this city, anyway)…but convertible is #1
– chest
– pfft how can I pick among those three
– on men? Don’t care
– switch
– whichever is appropriate

Skiing or Swimming? Pyjamas or Nude? Dinner or Dancing? Movie or Book? Pants or skirts

I’m SO not black and white lol.
– hmm. I guess swimming
– nude
– what kind of choice is that? Dinner THEN dancing
– book then the movie
– skirts

Skiing or Swimming? Pyjamas or Nude? Dinner or Dancing? Movie or Book? Pants or skirts

Already answered those. Copy and paste fail…


Why are you yelling?

hard n fast or soft n slow
wet and sloppy or dry and neat
Panties or thongs

Depends what we’re talking about
Strip poker
Whatever works best with the outfit

lol interpret as you wish

longer or thicker
Dirty talk or romantic nibbles
watching or being watched
give or receive first
Teaser or pleaser

Ah that knowledge needs to wait. Or just read my OKC answers.
But you’re welcome to enlighten me on yours.

now that is not very fair of you

legs over my should or doggie
Peeled of or ripped off
nibble on ur neck or grind from behind

Too bad, you started out so nicely.

chicken lol

That has nothing to do with it. You have no idea…

show me don’t blow me….yet lol


A class act all the way, ladies and gentlemen. This guy was apparently 47 years old.

67 thoughts on “Back to the “online dating is ridiculous” posts…

    • There’s a lot that does suck… my hope it to avoid as much sucky dating as possible by weeding out people in advance. Can’t always happen, but I’m definitely smarter about it than I used to be.

  1. Punctuation with spelling or Idjit and ahole?
    ASCII or emoji?
    But the important one:
    Always Shemp. Unless Betty White is a choice, then be Betty White. Especially if the choice is Betty White as a ninja.

    So glad I’m very happily married :-).

  2. Ah, you have to love the smell of douchenozzles in the morning–smells like failure.

    I actually feel a little sorry for guys like that, who think they have to run these pre-written PUA routines in order to attract a woman instead of just acting like a normal human being and having a genuine conversation. But yeah, at 47 there’s just no excuse for that. Nature’s way of saying “Do not touch”.

  3. LMAO. girl you entertained him way too long. Although I probably would have kept going too because after the second set of choices I knew he was building up to sexual conversation and I would have been curious to see if I was right. Apparently that type of texting is not uncommon because something similar happened to a couple of my friends.
    It really sucks being single as the choices seem to be getting shittier and shittier…thanks to the Internet. It’s either ruining good people or bringing out their true colors!!

  4. I got bored with the questions after the second set. I mean, try to open a conversation using them, then OK, but keep throwing these at me, and then be angry and rude because I’m telling you you’re not interesting? Ugh!
    Sorry you’re going through this. I thought you weren’t online dating? πŸ˜‰ (Ha! I guess I missed a post!)

  5. *laugh* Oh god.

    I just activated a profile on a vanilla dating site. It’s a relatively short profile in which I specifically state that I’m not answering one liners because it tells me that they aren’t creative or interesting enough to be a match for me.

    Regardless (because reading a profile is Such. Hard. Work, yo!), my inbox is FULL of one liners.

    I’m currently playing a game of ‘guess this dude’s age’ based on their idiotic single line emails on twitter because if they’re going to be utter crap, I may as well make it fun for myself.

    The saddest ones are where I guess early 20s and they’re actually 40-ish.

    “Hi how u going on here?​”
    Guess: 25. Actual: 39.



  6. Oh god! Internet dating 101: If you wouldn’t say it to a lady you met while out and about, don’t say it online. Sleazy isn’t less sleazy because you are separated by a screen.

  7. I kind of get the point of sex questions more than some of the others. Curly, Larry or Mo is amusing, but heels or flats doesn’t tell you much.
    Granted, any guy who went into a bar and within 5min asked a woman if she’d prefer to get fucked from behind would probably get his fair share of slaps.
    How does one get it right? I certainly don’t know.

    • In OK Cupid, I have answered a ton of their questions, including the sexual ones. Anyone can learn a lot about me and my openness to sex that way. So there’s no need at all to ask those questions up front. That’s the beauty of that dating app… Built by a statistician, you can learn a ton about different facets of someone that’s answered a lot of their questions. You just have to want to put some effort in.

  8. I just had a date with a man who was similar. He asked question after question after question – and most of them were about inane subjects. He refused to respond to any question I would ask in return (or, God forbid, I ask him the SAME question he just asked me – because β€œYou have to be creative – you can’t just copy my questions!”) and he refused to ask/answer any question of substance. He made it two dates before I had enough of it. That was one date too many.

    • Jana that’s hilarious – crazy and terrible, but also funny. I’ve gone on a second date before too in cases like this, because I think maybe he was just nervous. Usually it doesn’t get materially better :/

  9. I’m just kind of fascinated that you entertained the conversation for as long as you did. I have a lot of sexual history, but I have very little dating history…so I assume that women want witty dialogue, and actual conversation…maybe I’ve been over thinking it all these years…

What do you think?