Last week, I was sick, had written my morose post, and was not in a good mind set. Bit of an understatement.
Tony called me that evening. Not as soon as he finished work – he’d rushed to his ex’s house so he could take his son skating. He called me after he dropped him off and was driving home.
He sounded so happy to be able to take him and that he was making good progress. He has a skating party with a friend next weekend and wants to be able to skate.
Tony’s love for his son shines through whenever he talks about him. He misses him so much. He takes him to school every morning he can, and sometimes has him overnight on a Saturday, but that’s it. I know it tortures him because he tells me so.
He said perhaps he would take him again the following night, after his shoot.
I asked Tony if I would be able to see him, since I was sure I’d be feeling better. He said he’d have to check because he was supposed to have his son overnight.
We were both exhausted so said our goodbyes and I went to sleep. The next day his shoot went late, he didn’t get a chance to see his son but he called me once he got home. He was in a foul mood as work didn’t go well, and he wasn’t going to come over.
It was fine; I was still sick and knew I needed my sleep more than anything else.
I figured I should just ask him some of the things in my head, since it was still spinning.
I asked about the parties he mentioned. He told me people weren’t allowed to bring guests, only people from work attended. So I asked him if he was able to bring me, would he? He paused and said yes, but there was hesitation in his voice. He told me he usually doesn’t mix work and personal life and never has.
I pushed; I asked him what if it wasn’t a work event? I asked him why I hadn’t met his best friend. We talked about it and he reminded me that given his friend’s travel schedule, even he barely saw him. I know this to be true. I said I wanted to meet him at some point.
I don’t remember how we got there, but I get on the topic of someone hitting on him. I ask him what he would do if he was at one of these parties and he got hit on. He says “I’d retreat and probably run away” and laughed that it wouldn’t happen.
I didn’t let it go. I push him and ask “what if someone hit on you, put themselves in your path, would you kiss back?”
Once he realizes I was seriously asking, he says he doesn’t know, he probably wouldn’t… maybe if there was lots of alcohol involved, perhaps. But it was unlikely.
And as much as I don’t love the answer (of course I would want to hear “oh no Ann, baby, I would say ‘stop, I have a girlfriend'”), I think it was honest. Could I say the same if I was hammered and someone hot hit on me that for sure I wouldn’t kiss them back? I ‘d like to think I wouldn’t but I’d be lying if I said anything other than “probably not.”
He then says “Ann, don’t worry! I want to see you and bruise you some more.”
I tell him it’s one of the things I was worried about, and he says “Well there’s not really any likelihood of that; if anything I’m more likely to get back with Mary” (his ex).
And…at that moment a large pit in my stomach forms and I stop breathing.
Trying to keep the hurt out of my voice I ask him to clarify what he means – is he actually saying it’s likely he is getting back with her? He says no, but if anything was going to happen it would more likely be that.
And while I know what he means, it’s all relative and he’s not saying it’s likely, of course that thought took hold…
He goes on to tell me just how much he misses the family unit, seeing his son regularly. He says he knows I’m right when I told him they would have the same arguments as before, but the holidays are hard for him because he will see her a lot and it reminds him of what he’s lost. He says how much he misses his son and how much he loves him.
I tell him he could have him around more if he had a place that had room for him. And that its better for his son to have two parents separately model healthy relationships than be together and fighting.
I tell him I wasn’t aware I needed to be worried about him getting back with her and he says “don’t worry it’s not at the point where you need to run someone over with your car”. He’s a funny one and it did make me laugh.
He asked to change the subject; talking about his son and what he misses makes him sad.
So I tell him I know he hasn’t decided about taking a vacation together but can we be together on New Years Eve no matter what. He says yes, of course, but he’d rather be away. We talk about the trip a little bit and we agree to gather some information to review the next night when I see him. We agree our criteria are heat, ocean, and decent food.
We talk about having sex on the beach. He tells me he’s hard and wants me to talk to him about what we’d do if we go to a sex club. So I do. I talk him through an orgasm – and love the sound he makes when he cums.
He tells me he wants to see me with another woman. He’s never had a threesome but wants one. He refers to the advice Hy gave him which was to have another woman who’s open to being with me as well – he says he wants someone who will work with him to fuck me.
We talk about pegging and his desire for me to peg him, but agree, laughing, the first time should probably not be in public. We talk about going to a sex club together on our own, first, so he can see what they are like. He tells me he’s got no qualms about fucking me in front of others. He’s worried about needing to use condoms at a club with others because he can’t stay hard with them. When I suggest Cialis he gets concerned about I think he needs Cialis – I reassure him it might just help with the condoms…and it would be fun to try on our own just to see.
I tell him I look forward to trying lots of things with him and that I’ll update some local swingers club profiles and figure things out. He laughs and says “Ah, my planner. You’re such a planner Ann, I love it.”
We say nice things to each other – how each other is smart and funny and how we really enjoy being together.
Then we say goodnight. I go to sleep feeling better about most of the things I was worried about before, but with the new nagging feeling that I could lose him any day to his ex. I know it’s not rational, but unfortunately, it took hold.