The next day with Tony was good from a communication perspective. I sent him a good morning boob shot, so really, how bad could it be? There wasn’t a ton of texting which is fine when I’m busy at work. He sent me a sweet text that his pillows smelled like me.
He actually asked about my day. Which I know is not some major fucking accomplishment but he wouldn’t always do that before. (And yes, I know what that sounds like. Hello drop of water to a dehydrated woman).
We had arranged to see each other in the afternoon for an overnight on Friday. He texted he would try to be over there as soon as I’d let him. Which made me smile.
That Friday, we both agreed a nap was in order before we did anything. But as sometimes (always!) happens with us, he pulls me into him and we spoon and then his hands are everywhere, his mouth on the back of my neck and shoulders, he rubs up against me and I feel his badness against my ass. Soon his cock is out and he flips me over and his delicious weight is on me and he’s inside me.
So yeah, that happened.
All high on cortisol, I started to think about the rest of my weekend plans. Jason and I had been trying to coordinate schedules to see each other for dinner. Sex was clearly on the menu.
Now I felt a bit stupid. If I had just kept my mouth shut earlier in the week, and not had an exclusivity discussion, I could have gone about my merry way and fucked Jason.
I don’t know why I insist on being so conscientious about things. But Tony had told me he wanted to date and have sex with only me – except when we jointly agree to be with others. Despite my fear this is simply the path of least resistance for him, if I want this to succeed I know I have to believe him and not assume the worst.
Which means I also need to act accordingly.
Yeah, I kinda backed myself into a corner on this one.
I took a deep breath and said (basically):
“I’m not really sure how to ask you this, but before I knew how you felt about things and where we stood, I was in progress of making plans with Jason [and I explained who he was].
I want to know what you think about my seeing him; I mean, I think I heard you on Wednesday but I know I sometimes put words in your mouth so wanted to be sure I was clear on where we stand.”
He said the same phrase I’ve heard before and come to hate:
“Ann, you can do what you want; I don’t want to hold you back from anything.”
Frowning, I said:
“When you say that to me all I hear is you don’t care and you aren’t going to fight for me. I’m making my own choice to move forward with you and you aren’t holding me back; if I feel that you are, I will tell you and maybe make a different decision. I don’t need to have sex with him; if we are going to explore together I’m fine with that.”
He said of course he would fight for me. I chose to not prod him further because I’ve yet to see fighting – at least not that I recognize.
He told me he didn’t like the word exclusive because it’s too scary and final for him. He reiterated he didn’t want to date anyone else or have sex with anyone else.
I may not have said this before, but one of the times we were sorting through shit in the spring I told him it wasn’t like we were making a decision to be together forever; it was a decision to go down a path together and see where it goes.
He didn’t see it that way. He says he doesn’t think about it that way. He sees it as final…saying yes, this could be forever.
No wonder it freaks him out. I have to remember this is a man who was best friends with his wife before they started dating at age 22. It’s all he’s known.
He went on to say “look, Ann, even if we were open and non-exclusive I wouldn’t do anything about it anyway.”
Which of course made my antennae vibrate. One interpretation of this is I am a path of least resistance for him. An amazing woman who loves him and will be there for him. He doesn’t need to make any effort. Which means that if something does cross his path that is equally or more tempting, he may wander down it.
And then he said:
“Ann, we can’t keep having these conversations every time we see each other. They stress me out. They make me want to run away and go under my covers and call my son. They make me feel like a shitty parent.
I don’t want another wife. I’m still dealing with the one I had.”
So I told him what I needed if we are going to move forward: I need him to communicate and be honest with me. Since we’ve decided to be exclusive (yes, despite him not liking the term) if that changes I need him to know. I reminded him we already went through it once where he said he was fine with it but wasn’t.
I told him I experienced being with someone who was basically his polar opposite. That I got all the flower and words and affection and things that made my girlfriends jealous. But that I was suffocating.
I told him I didn’t need him to be in touch all of the time but I needed him to respond to me. If he can’t keep texting that’s fine, just tell me. If he’s going into “hermit” mode to please just tell me. I said he was being pretty good at that lately and it was what I needed.
We were good.
He then did something a little odd and I’m reluctant to even mention it. But honesty prevails. He then masturbated. Which isn’t unusual; sometimes he needs to finish manually to cum, when we have sex. But this was out-of-the-blue, without a ton of interaction.
All I can think is that it was a stress release for him? Any suggestions welcome. In the moment though, I felt odd. He did seek me out and kiss me and hold me.
When he was done, our “nap” was over. He hopped up and was itching to get a snack; I told him since he’d just done his thing I’d just hang out and masturbate as well.
Which I did. With gusto.
He came back up and told me how hot it sounded.
We spent the night actually watching Netflix and chilling. We joked later about talking all the time and at one point I retorted he should be so lucky to have someone who WANTS to talk to him and be with him. He knows it.
He spent the night, and the next morning we had crazy intense fantastic sex that ended 10 minutes before I had to leave.
Picking up Liam from my parents house, I obviously had a post-coital glow since my Mom took one look at me and commented I must have had a very good night.
Depending on how I think about it, I suppose I did.