I called Tony the next morning to make arrangements. Keenly aware he was doing me a big favor, I was tripping over myself to make sure it was okay. He said “Lady, just tell me the plan and I’ll do it.”
He met me at the car place; I hopped in his car and we drove to a local deli he’d researched.
On the drive there, when I told him my car wouldn’t be ready until late that afternoon, he told me his plan was to take me back to his place, have lots of sex, maybe get me stoned, have more sex. He was affectionate and upbeat. Fun.
As we consumed a latke, pickles, and smoked meat sandwiches, he noticed the very dark bruise on my upper arm, just below my shoulder, where he’d bit me multiple times on the weekend. He said it couldn’t possibly be from him and I retorted it indeed was.
He said it was beautiful work he’d done.
(I forgot to mention he also left a small mark on my neck from a nibble during sex; I had to hide it with makeup the morning I returned Fox’s stuff.)
Tony talked about his shitty weekend that led to him cancelling coming over that Sunday. He’d fought with his ex (verbally), his brother (physically; he had a black eye), and almost got into trouble with the police (unrelated to either).
He paid and led me back to his car. On the way he grabbed me and kissed me, his hands roaming at the bottom of my skirt and over my ass. I confess I love it that he’s that way with me.
Back in the car, I wish I could remember exactly how the conversation went. After seeing one advertised, we joked about going to an “erotic massage parlor” together, and the next thing I know, he says:
“Ann, there is NOTHING like the physical connection we have. It’s the best sex of my life, ever, and I don’t think it will be better with anyone else.
The thing holding me back from a relationship with you is I don’t want to think about having sex with only one person ever, for the rest of my life. I had that for far too long.
Hearing you and Hyacinth joke and talk on the weekend it was obvious you’ve both experienced so much more than I have. You’ve experimented.
I don’t think I’ve even had a one night stand, ever. I don’t think I want one…it would make me worry about performance and how to be, but it’s something I’ve never done.”
I told him I understood completely; I was like that after my marriage to Will.
I reassured him I wasn’t angry and I was happy he could be honest with me.
But then – of course – my brain was trying to quickly process what I was hearing. Was he saying he wanted to be in a relationship with me but be open? Or just fuck on occasion and he was going to date and seek out others?
So I asked him whether he wanted to date multiple people and pursue sexual relationships with them. In other words, on his own.
He said he had no interest in dating anyone else but me. He said he’d not met anyone else but me in the time we were apart.
So I told him I was willing – and wanted to – explore others with him. But I didn’t want to be in an open relationship. I didn’t want to be polyamorous. Nor could I date him knowing he was dating others (because honestly, it would be torture to have not much time with him and think someone else was taking up what little time he made for people).
I said I was more inclined to be a swinger, but it was all still a theory for me.
He said he didn’t want to be a swinger; he wanted to be with just me, but perhaps together we could play with others once in a while. Like a birthday gift. Maybe a few times a year.
I told him I didn’t want to only have sex with just one person for the rest of my life, either.
At that point, despite wanting to get everything nailed down precisely as is my nature (did I put words in his mouth or did he for sure not want to date others, did that mean he was my boyfriend, were we then exclusive, etc.), I changed the subject. I also realized I can’t lose sight of what I want and need from a relationship; some care and feeding.
Part of me was singing from the rooftops with excitement and the other part felt nothing but fear and hesitation. That tightrope walk just got even more difficult.
We arrived at his place, he lifted my ass to the edge of his couch and was on me right away. We got stoned as he stripped me naked and fooled around on his couch until he decided his king sized bed was where he wanted to play.
I remembered the last time I got high with him, I got super chatty and romantic. I reminded him; he said he could deal with it. I did, for the record, have another orgasm from nipple stimulation.
In the midst of sex (which seemed to last for hours), I asked him whether he was actually ready to be a boyfriend.
He paused ever so briefly so I jumped in: “it doesn’t mean you have to see me three times a week”.
“Oh Ann” he said, “I know it does.”
It was a fair point.
More thrusting, another orgasm for me, and then he said “I don’t want to date anyone else, or have sex with anyone else. Maybe just once in a while. With you. But I’m not ready for Christmas dinners or family reunions.”
My gut added that statement to its ledger and started processing.
Later, wrapped in his arms, I told him he’ll need to have a reliable SLA (Service Level Agreement) for responding to my texts. Thinking about his Christmas comment, I told him it was okay if he was a little behind me, but I needed him to be on the same path.
He was quiet. I didn’t press it.
After he dropped me off, stuck in traffic on my way home, I had time to think about what he’d said.
I was excited, but even more so, cautious. I don’t know whether he can be all I need. Obviously he’s not in a place yet where we are going to be integrating into each others lives. Maybe this is just about the physical connection and this is his way of getting the fun we have, but the first hot chick that shows interest in him, he’ll wander down her path.
I can’t expect full boyfriend things from someone who’s not in that place. With Fox, I had the opposite, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I learned something from that. Maybe Tony’s distance will give me the freedom I need, and maybe it will be too lonely. Chemistry can’t overcome all issues.
I had way more questions than I had answers.
But one thing I knew; given how much I enjoy being with him, I’d be stupid not to give it a try.