The Hail Mary conversation (part 1)

First of all, thank you to all of you who have reached out to me offline to see how I’m doing. It’s been a rough 10 days and I appreciate all of the support. It’s been especially amazing to hear from those of you who don’t comment normally; maybe I should password protect posts more often!

Ann
xo


All of the breakup conversation had happened via text; hence the whole story (other than my internal dialogue) can be told in those four posts.

The only exception was a brief and crackly voicemail Fox left me on Sunday afternoon which said (as far as I could tell) “Ann, I love you…I’m so sorry.”

I told him I needed time to think, but on Monday midday he texted to ask if there was “any point to talking and meeting”. I said:

“If you want to talk through stuff in person that’s fine with me; but I need some more time to process what’s happened and think about what I want to do moving forward. I need days, not hours. If you can’t wait, I understand. On another note, can you tell me how you found my blog?”

He replied:

“I understand.
I am going to a counselor tonight.
I spoke to Maria last night. She pretty much had figured things out already. She was out with my ex, who asked to see a pic (wtf??). Anyhow…Maria went to my FB and found nothing, so she went to yours.  She said she likes you a lot and has no reason to unfriended you and figures next time you “clean up” friends you would remove her.
She said I should be happy that I met you. You got me to do things I normally wouldn’t and you were really good for me. 

Wasn’t hard. Google “sex dating blog gang bang”. It is the fourth one on the list.”

I asked him if he’d continued to read (I knew he hadn’t; I use a program that tracks IP address visits) and he said no. I asked if I could still consider my blog a private space.

He said: “It is yours Ann. I fucked up. I am sorry. Unfortunately life doesn’t have a rewind and erase button.”

We texted briefly about the feedback his counselor gave him.

Tuesday morning, he told me he cleared his phone history. I didn’t respond.

Wednesday afternoon he texted:

“Hi. I know you are busy but I would like to invite you to my place Friday night to have a talk. If the conversation goes the way I hope, well we can have dinner, wine and a fire. If it doesn’t go like I hope, well, I would rather be home and not having to worry about getting myself home as an emotional wreck. Yes I know it is selfish of me. I have sold my concert tickets.”

I really didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t sure what to say other than I needed time and space. If he wanted an answer in the moment, it would be no, I wasn’t getting back with him.

Anyway, I’d made plans already for that Friday. I’ll write about them separately.

I said:

“I can’t meet on Friday night anymore, I’m sorry. I could meet you after work tomorrow or Friday (my last meetings end at 5:30). Or could call you later tonight or tomorrow.

He asked me to call him that night.

Then he asked me what I was doing that night. And I lied. I asked him why he wanted to know and he said “Because I love you and want to be in an exclusive relationship with you.”

I knew I had to call him and I wasn’t looking forward to it.

But it turned out to be one of the best conversations we’d ever had.

34 thoughts on “The Hail Mary conversation (part 1)

  1. Hi Ann
    It is good to read a post from you… I am missing a lot of context as I hadn’t read your breakup texts…Do you mind giving me access?

  2. I really hope you get to/are now in a place of peace instead of the debate that had been churning around. Also, interesting choice of where to start looking for your blog… I’m still at a loss of what he hoped to gain. Incredibly selfish and a bit masochistic.

    • I’m not there yet. It’s partly why I have written anything; because I’m not exactly sure there’s much new to say. But I do need to start to get some of it out.

      And yes, it was very, very, foolish of him.

  3. I am glad to hear it was a good conversation. But surely it isn’t all saying. A trust has been breached and it is not easily fixed. But that one is talking is better than staying angry. (yeah I could be like that)

    But I always get a chill crawling up my spine. And this goes for men and women a like. Why do we need to fuck up before we can have such strong and great connection. We are wired strangely if you ask me 😀

    Big hugs Ann. And since you are writing part two I can’t wait.

  4. I am looking forward to reading about the phone conversation. And to answer your question: no, I don’t use these buttons, other than the WP ‘like’ button. I try to keep my FB and WP accounts separate, and I don’t see the point in using Google since my posts aren’t there because of being hidden (at least I think so 😉 ).
    XO

  5. “Best” can mean cathartic, so interested to see what you share next. (well, always interested, but you know what I mean)

    I am glad you stuck with the plans you already have/had, regardless of what they were.

    ((hugs)) again

  6. I’ll be bold and brazen and say this: If I were your man, you’d never have problems like this because I understand what the deal is and, in my world, hey , whatever makes you happy would make me happy.

    Sadly, few men can get their heads around a woman like you…

What do you think?