The Hail Mary conversation (part 1)

First of all, thank you to all of you who have reached out to me offline to see how I’m doing. It’s been a rough 10 days and I appreciate all of the support. It’s been especially amazing to hear from those of you who don’t comment normally; maybe I should password protect posts more often!

Ann
xo


All of the breakup conversation had happened via text; hence the whole story (other than my internal dialogue) can be told in those four posts.

The only exception was a brief and crackly voicemail Fox left me on Sunday afternoon which said (as far as I could tell) “Ann, I love you…I’m so sorry.”

I told him I needed time to think, but on Monday midday he texted to ask if there was “any point to talking and meeting”. I said:

“If you want to talk through stuff in person that’s fine with me; but I need some more time to process what’s happened and think about what I want to do moving forward. I need days, not hours. If you can’t wait, I understand. On another note, can you tell me how you found my blog?”

He replied:

“I understand.
I am going to a counselor tonight.
I spoke to Maria last night. She pretty much had figured things out already. She was out with my ex, who asked to see a pic (wtf??). Anyhow…Maria went to my FB and found nothing, so she went to yours.  She said she likes you a lot and has no reason to unfriended you and figures next time you “clean up” friends you would remove her.
She said I should be happy that I met you. You got me to do things I normally wouldn’t and you were really good for me. 

Wasn’t hard. Google “sex dating blog gang bang”. It is the fourth one on the list.”

I asked him if he’d continued to read (I knew he hadn’t; I use a program that tracks IP address visits) and he said no. I asked if I could still consider my blog a private space.

He said: “It is yours Ann. I fucked up. I am sorry. Unfortunately life doesn’t have a rewind and erase button.”

We texted briefly about the feedback his counselor gave him.

Tuesday morning, he told me he cleared his phone history. I didn’t respond.

Wednesday afternoon he texted:

“Hi. I know you are busy but I would like to invite you to my place Friday night to have a talk. If the conversation goes the way I hope, well we can have dinner, wine and a fire. If it doesn’t go like I hope, well, I would rather be home and not having to worry about getting myself home as an emotional wreck. Yes I know it is selfish of me. I have sold my concert tickets.”

I really didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t sure what to say other than I needed time and space. If he wanted an answer in the moment, it would be no, I wasn’t getting back with him.

Anyway, I’d made plans already for that Friday. I’ll write about them separately.

I said:

“I can’t meet on Friday night anymore, I’m sorry. I could meet you after work tomorrow or Friday (my last meetings end at 5:30). Or could call you later tonight or tomorrow.

He asked me to call him that night.

Then he asked me what I was doing that night. And I lied. I asked him why he wanted to know and he said “Because I love you and want to be in an exclusive relationship with you.”

I knew I had to call him and I wasn’t looking forward to it.

But it turned out to be one of the best conversations we’d ever had.

34 thoughts on “The Hail Mary conversation (part 1)

  1. I really hope you get to/are now in a place of peace instead of the debate that had been churning around. Also, interesting choice of where to start looking for your blog… I’m still at a loss of what he hoped to gain. Incredibly selfish and a bit masochistic.

    • I’m not there yet. It’s partly why I have written anything; because I’m not exactly sure there’s much new to say. But I do need to start to get some of it out.

      And yes, it was very, very, foolish of him.

  2. I am glad to hear it was a good conversation. But surely it isn’t all saying. A trust has been breached and it is not easily fixed. But that one is talking is better than staying angry. (yeah I could be like that)

    But I always get a chill crawling up my spine. And this goes for men and women a like. Why do we need to fuck up before we can have such strong and great connection. We are wired strangely if you ask me 😀

    Big hugs Ann. And since you are writing part two I can’t wait.

  3. I am looking forward to reading about the phone conversation. And to answer your question: no, I don’t use these buttons, other than the WP ‘like’ button. I try to keep my FB and WP accounts separate, and I don’t see the point in using Google since my posts aren’t there because of being hidden (at least I think so 😉 ).
    XO

  4. “Best” can mean cathartic, so interested to see what you share next. (well, always interested, but you know what I mean)

    I am glad you stuck with the plans you already have/had, regardless of what they were.

    ((hugs)) again

  5. I’ll be bold and brazen and say this: If I were your man, you’d never have problems like this because I understand what the deal is and, in my world, hey , whatever makes you happy would make me happy.

    Sadly, few men can get their heads around a woman like you…

What do you think?