First of all, thank you to all of you who have reached out to me offline to see how I’m doing. It’s been a rough 10 days and I appreciate all of the support. It’s been especially amazing to hear from those of you who don’t comment normally; maybe I should password protect posts more often!
All of the breakup conversation had happened via text; hence the whole story (other than my internal dialogue) can be told in those four posts.
The only exception was a brief and crackly voicemail Fox left me on Sunday afternoon which said (as far as I could tell) “Ann, I love you…I’m so sorry.”
I told him I needed time to think, but on Monday midday he texted to ask if there was “any point to talking and meeting”. I said:
“If you want to talk through stuff in person that’s fine with me; but I need some more time to process what’s happened and think about what I want to do moving forward. I need days, not hours. If you can’t wait, I understand. On another note, can you tell me how you found my blog?”
I am going to a counselor tonight.
I spoke to Maria last night. She pretty much had figured things out already. She was out with my ex, who asked to see a pic (wtf??). Anyhow…Maria went to my FB and found nothing, so she went to yours. She said she likes you a lot and has no reason to unfriended you and figures next time you “clean up” friends you would remove her.
She said I should be happy that I met you. You got me to do things I normally wouldn’t and you were really good for me.
Wasn’t hard. Google “sex dating blog gang bang”. It is the fourth one on the list.”
I asked him if he’d continued to read (I knew he hadn’t; I use a program that tracks IP address visits) and he said no. I asked if I could still consider my blog a private space.
He said: “It is yours Ann. I fucked up. I am sorry. Unfortunately life doesn’t have a rewind and erase button.”
We texted briefly about the feedback his counselor gave him.
Tuesday morning, he told me he cleared his phone history. I didn’t respond.
Wednesday afternoon he texted:
“Hi. I know you are busy but I would like to invite you to my place Friday night to have a talk. If the conversation goes the way I hope, well we can have dinner, wine and a fire. If it doesn’t go like I hope, well, I would rather be home and not having to worry about getting myself home as an emotional wreck. Yes I know it is selfish of me. I have sold my concert tickets.”
I really didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t sure what to say other than I needed time and space. If he wanted an answer in the moment, it would be no, I wasn’t getting back with him.
Anyway, I’d made plans already for that Friday. I’ll write about them separately.
“I can’t meet on Friday night anymore, I’m sorry. I could meet you after work tomorrow or Friday (my last meetings end at 5:30). Or could call you later tonight or tomorrow.”
He asked me to call him that night.
Then he asked me what I was doing that night. And I lied. I asked him why he wanted to know and he said “Because I love you and want to be in an exclusive relationship with you.”
I knew I had to call him and I wasn’t looking forward to it.
But it turned out to be one of the best conversations we’d ever had.