The fading away and return of Faraway Lover

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34 thoughts on “The fading away and return of Faraway Lover

    • Well won’t be messy for me. I’m just curious what the heck is going on in his life and how he honestly feels about getting married again. I really do hope he’s happy…
      (His mom has been married 5 times so maybe it runs in the family??)

        • Perhaps I’m being totally naive but I don’t think it’s like that at all… he and I for sure have a connection but I’d be shocked honestly if it was anything other than “I miss you” in the sense of “I haven’t spoken to you in ages”.

          But who knows!! The circus theme still applies… I’m liking these pictures πŸ™‚

  1. I’m a fan of the circus pics too!

    The FL coming back – and ignoring you this entire time – but calling you when it seems he needs you. BOGUS! Don’t indulge him. Now’s the time to do him dirty like he has been doing to you for a while (so it reads).

    • Ugh. Sorry, I know that sounded harsh.

      But if we reversed the genders and an ex from my past kept contacting me every two weeks despite me ignoring him, and then said “I’m going to keep doing this until you talk to me. I WILL NOT BE IGNORED”, I’d be pretty creeped out.

      I assume you got what you wanted (he still has feelings for you, he’s unhappy without you, he misses you, he drunk called you), so… now what?

      You have the chat where he fesses up to all that and then…? You feel happy that you had that impact on him, that he’s secretly pining away for you, while you go on with your life?

      Okay, that still sounds super harsh. But I just don’t get it.


      • Ummm… I didn’t want ANY of what you listed! Not in any iota of my person. It had solely to hear how he was doing.

        But sure,
        I will take your point about sounding like a stalker in this.

  2. What are you hoping to offer and receive in maintaining contact? Although there was a connection, his pulling back recently may indicate that you are each in different places now than when your relationship was a priority in the past. You have reached out a few times-I can see responding to his vmail but wouldn’t keep trying to get an explanation. He knows how to contact you if he wants.

    • I may not have created the right preface – he and I maintained a friendship for a long time after we ended the physical part of our relationship.

      So we were friends longer than lovers. I care very deeply for him but no longer hold any kind of torch. I would bet it’s the same for him.

      And no, I’m not going to continue to contact him at this point.

      • I hate when friendships fade so I admire your attempts to keep it going and recognition when you should to stop pushing. I didn’t read his as stalkerish or in a fatal attraction refusing to be ignored way-just a frustration and effort that didn’t seem worth it from the outside. Friend or lover, no relationship lasts if effort is one sided.

  3. I have a 3 strike rule. If I contact someone 3x and they don’t respond it’s clearly a message that they don’t want to talk. Whatever the reason really isn’t my business – if it was my business then they would tell me. And drunk messages aren’t actually from him, they are from his penis. So they don’t count. Any more than 3 calls and you are totally entering stalker land. Or could be perceived as stalkery, which no one wants?

    He was probably focussed on his upcoming nuptials and desperately in love with his finance and not wanting reminders of past lovers distracting him – that makes sense and is totally valid. And the penis call. Ignore. Give him a chance to focus on his new love and you focus on your sexy ex returned.

  4. Friends are to be cared for and about. You have kept in touch with many men whose relationships ended on a friendly basis. You have discussed your feelings with them and them with you. That’s why you care. Your last post expressed that best.

    • Yes exactly. I fear from the early comments that this got lost in my post – I made a couple edits to hopefully clarify. I’m horrified to feel like a stalker. Never occurred to me he would still have feelings for me. I hope he doesn’t :/

  5. Yep. He made a marriage mistake. You reminded him of that. The new wife probably has forbidden contact with you. I know how hard it is to accept and let go, but really, what choice do we have? If someone decides they are done with you, there isn’t much response. You can’t make someone like you or love you or want to be with you. I know, I have been there more often than I ever thought I would.

    • Perhaps he hasn’t made a mistake at all and he thinks I will be upset to learn of his marriage. Who knows?? (I actually doubt that, but I suppose it’s possible).

      I can let go, I just wish I knew that he was content. He was so miserable (as was I) when he was married and I hope for him that he’s found a much healthier relationship.

      • if nothing else he has decided to pretend he has. to convince himself, if you will. You will only complicate that. (because he’s wrong, and he knows it) but I also hope there’s a fairy tale ending….

  6. As you said to yourself earlier in the post, walk away Ann. Sometimes we need to walk away for ourselves and sometimes for them. I know the curiosity you speak of, but no good will come of this for one of you, if not both. I apologize if sometimes my comments seem too strongly opinionated. I guess I’m just sort of voicing what I tell myself in similar situations.

    • No, not at all Phil… no need to worry about being strongly opinionated. You’re always respectful!

      And yes, I have to just walk away. I might send him an email telling him I wish him nothing but the best and I hope he’s happy. But he may know that already.

  7. I would love to get a text or call from my husband’s penis. And here I didn’t even know what I was missing.
    Oh, but anyway, I agree there’s no need to be harsh – but really, friendship or not, what good could come of it?

    • Yes, I can see that. It honestly never occurred to me that there was any issue other than him being busy… But after writing and hearing people’s feedback I agree to let it go.

      He and I were a great support system for one another but I understand that time has passed.

What do you think?