The aftermath of being f*cked over.

What a crazy shit show the past few weeks have been.

As angry as I am that Fox betrayed my trust and violated my privacy, for what turned out to be for most of our relationship, it’s alright, ultimately. I learned things about him that may otherwise have taken a long time to uncover.

I don’t regret anything I’ve written; but I do realize I’m sometimes punchy with my comments and sure, cavalier in moments. It wasn’t quite accurate to say he doesn’t interest me on any level, for example.

But I stand behind every single thing I’ve said and done. If I had the chance to do it all again, I would still not have told him everything about Tony. I didn’t cheat on Fox, and I didn’t want to tell him anything that would hurt him unnecessarily. If it was me, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to know that the person who came before me had the best chemistry ever with my boyfriend. No way. 

I would still have shared everything – except my being a blogger. I don’t regret it, because I’ve learned from it, but I won’t do that again, especially not early in a relationship.

I’m not unemotional about it, but there is no question in my mind that walking away is the right thing. My head has been there for at least a week, but I wanted to have the space from him to confirm it. Now I have it.

I’m sad when I think about what I’m losing with Fox. It was rather lovely to have someone so focussed on me and treat me well. The flowers, the dinners, the nights out, feeling like someone else was moving the relationship forward… that stuff was awesome.

It wasn’t enough to make up for the disconnects we had.

Then there’s Shenanigans.

As I briefly mentioned somewhere, out of the blue this week he again reached out. He’d done his typical “do you think of me” questioning, then told me he was still into me and liked when I would wear skirts. When I didn’t play along but said thank you for the compliments he said I was a narcissist.

He asked to see me and I told him I couldn’t; I was in a bit of a messy situation with a boyfriend. Goodness knows why, but I told him a little bit about what was going on with Fox. He asked me whether texting him was adding fuel to the fire. Which literally made me laugh out loud – this guy’s arrogance is matched only by his awkwardness – so I tried to be gentle by saying “no, I make decisions about people based on their own merit”.

He said he missed me, thought we always had a spark and an interesting connection, and wanted to see me. He offered to be a sounding board about Fox. Again I was non-committal and he explained he thought my talking about my relationship would be “hot and slightly defiant”. I told him I wasn’t going to be doing that with him.

He uncharacteristically told me directly he wanted to meet me and suggested a glass of wine would be nice. I explained I couldn’t; I had a girlfriend visiting. He countered he could bring a bottle of wine for the two of us and we could all hang out.

He subtly intimated he’d like sex with both of us. I said I wasn’t sure I was going to have sex with my girlfriend and he backed off from that line of texting.

Honestly I really didn’t care if I saw him or not. I wasn’t all that keen. But Hy and I were going to a club and so I suggested he could come and bring friends. He said he wanted something more mellow.

The night of, Hy and I had started drinking in the early afternoon. He continued to text me. By the time  he asked if I was “in the mood for” him I was very drunk and at Hy’s urging, said sure. Shortly thereafter she took over my phone and plans were confirmed.

By the time he arrived to my place after midnight, I was puking my guts out in my bathroom. A combination of little food and less water, and copious amounts of wine drunk over the course of 10 hours, made for a really dumb and painful outcome. It’s been years since that happened to me.

He did come up to my bedroom later to say hello but I was otherwise absent; Hy took over host duties. She wrote about her experience with him (and it’s definitely worth reading). I was half-awake when they were on my bed, her taking off his pants. She had brought me water and ibuprofen. Later, I wanted my phone from downstairs so had to wander by them naked and fucking on my couch. I was too sick to really care.

That was just before 2am.

Tony had met Hy and I for drinks earlier and said he may come over later. At 2am (not sure how I came to be awake) he said he would come over early the next morning. I told him Hy was engaged “with a dude”.

The next morning, after they fucked (odd to hear it, but I was still too sick to really care but at the same time, sorta wishing I was also impaled on a cock) Shenanigans came into my room. He shut the door and proceeded to tell me he felt weird being with her without me. He tried to engage me physically and I told him I wasn’t well. He got up, came over to my side of the bed and stared to undo his pants – as if he was expecting a blow job. I said something along the lines to “what the fuck do you think you are doing?”

That’s when Hy came in and cuddled with me on my bed. He sat on it as well. I know we talked a little bit because I remember saying he thought I was high maintenance, and we talked about whether he was a good texter or a game player. We laughed and reassured him we were cool. Hy made coffee and I mentioned Tony was coming over and he would bring lattes. I will write more about the Tony part later.

Shenanigans got all weird that Tony was coming over and tried to understand what our relationship was. He asked whether we were going to want “alone time”. He made a snotty comment about me having multiple men in rotation. Hy and I had a good laugh about the fact he was freaking out about Tony yet here he was, actively fucking my friend.

It was all rather surreal.

But in the aftermath of that night I am hurt and angry. Not at Hy for having sex with him (or him with her); not in the least. But I realised I’ve never felt better after an interaction with him (unless it was me telling him to fuck off). I should have read my old posts before sending him even one text when he reached out this week. I don’t know why I didn’t block him the last time and I’m angry at myself for letting him back in.

Like every other interaction, he’s generally callous and a dick afterwards. But this time, instead of just fucking me, he fucked my friend in multiple places in my house, slept overnight, drank my wine, criticized me for being sick like it was a personal affront to him, propositioned her in front of me after I said no to whatever it was he wanted me to do, and for the rest of the weekend I heard nothing from him but got to witness their mild flirtation in action over text.

Asshole.

Had he demonstrated a modicum of care, I may feel differently. I have Jason to thank for showing me how someone should treat me after crazy sex antics. How to reinforce who has the primary relationship and ensure I feel connected. So I know how it’s supposed to be done.

Hy didn’t really know about all of Shenanigans’ shit and after reading my posts said she would have made different decisions had she known. She knew I had genuinely little interest in him; she’s not the type to sleep with a friend’s man and was genuinely concerned I was upset. Sure, if I hadn’t been felled by red wine I may have fucked him, but that would have been the first time in almost a year.

I’m going to block him but am debating whether to tell him to fuck off first.

And then there’s Tony.  But he deserves a post all on his own.

44 thoughts on “The aftermath of being f*cked over.

  1. Wow … this all seems so complicated! I think u need a vacation. A vacation without narcissistic men or exes of any sort. one thing I’ve learned is that our exes are exes for a reason, and the past is best left in the past. Ditch shenanigans. He is an A hole of the highest caliber.

    • The stuff with Fox is now very simple. What’s left is for me to gradually process things. There’s no rush. I’m honestly just relieved that it’s done and I don’t need to be making a decision or worrying about what’s right. Sometimes that’s the beauty of a decision being made for me.

      With Shenanigans it’s also pretty simple, although mentally exhausting and I totally didn’t need that shit given Fox and Tony. I’m more angry at myself because although he’s an asshole, he’s a consistent asshole, and I should have been able to predict (had I thought about it for one moment) EXACTLY what his behaviour was going to be.

      There’s a reason I never took him to a sex club or indulged any threesome fantasies with him. It just got played out in a way I didn’t expect. I got all the result with none of the cock :/

      I was going to write that Tony was complicated but I’m not sure that’s true… the only thing that’s changed for him is after >2 months separation from me, he knows better how awesome I am. But I don’t think that’s going to translate into any different actions on his part.

      • You know, men like to feed us a load of crap and “it’s complicated” BS. I’ve been told that I see things in black and white, but I honestly think if a man wants you, he will be with you. It’s quite simple. That’s how I figured things are between me and the man I loved. It’s a bitter pill, but at least it’s honest. Tony needs to figure it out before it’s too late. If he doesn’t realize the wonderful woman you are, he isn’t with you.

        • To be fair to Tony, I don’t think (I have to check…my memory ain’t so good atm) he’s ever told me things are “complicated”. He’s been pretty open about not being able to give me what I want; that the timing isn’t right. And he hasn’t fought to keep me – which in itself isn’t great, I know.

          But yeah. If he wants to be with me, he should be with me. Totally agree.

  2. Of course Tony deserves a post all of its own. Or three 😉
    And Shenanigans… yes, block him, it’s probably the best thing you can do.
    Though I don’t understand why you’d be angry he had sex all over your house. After all, you’re the one who invited him, weren’t you 😉
    Once he’d started to have sex with Hy, then it was a done deal, wasn’t it?
    What is unacceptable, I totally understand, is the way he treated you. When I read he went to see you, I thought he had come to apologise. Reading your post here, I feel like he felt you would be jealous of Hy because he didn’t give you the gift of his awesomeness… which is what really irks me about it! As you said: callousness. Disregard of you as a person.
    So yes, I’d block him 😉

    • I’m sure there will be a few posts about Tony lol…much to some people’s disappointment.

      I’m not angry that he had sex all over my house so perhaps I need to better edit my post. I was trying to say that in a situation where there was extended and very obvious sex with a friend, and not me, I would expect someone to be more considerate about making sure I was okay with it, and felt secure that it didn’t impact how he felt about me, after the fact.

      In other words, if I was passed out and they’d had sex once and I didn’t see it or hear it and he was gone the next morning, then it’s less in my face (literally, lol) and he could have just sent a text saying “hey was awesome to meet your friend; sucks you couldn’t join…that would have been hot… but would love to see you soon??”

      But that wasn’t the case at all and it wasn’t that they had sex. It was all in his lack of “aftercare” (I know I’m using a D/s term here) to check in with ME and ensure I still felt wanted.

      I don’t. I’m not. So he’s done.

      • Yes, I agree. He needed to make sure you felt like you were important, but the way he went about it, it showed extremely well that you weren’t. HE was, he is the center of everything, isn’t he?
        So yeah, I understand better now 🙂
        Hugs!
        Meanwhile… I have a boyfriend 😉

          • Don’t feel bad about it, you’re the first person I write openly about it. I’m going to try to put a short post together, but I need food, sleep and I have to work and… I don’t regret a minute of the sleep I missed. But… Sigh!
            It’s just you always asked me about making it official and stuff. So I wanted to let you know!
            It may not be as official as you would like it to be, but… it is the truth though. Right, I’ll go write 😉
            And don’t worry, I was sucked into my own shit for most of October. I understand!
            XO

  3. What? Shenanigans is an asshole? You don’t say!

    >I’m going to block him but am debating whether to tell him to fuck off first.

    You could, but he’ll learn nothing from it, he’s already learned that it’s okay for him to behave the way he does. Just delete, block and move on.

  4. I’ll say it again: just block him, no words. He hasn’t been kind to you in the aftermath, because the guy doesn’t care. That’s what I learned after reading about him. Just please, for the love of God, just block him and be done. Otherwise, you’re inviting a useless exchange. I’ve interacted with the guy. You know my advice is sound. Ugh. Walking away is your best move. Be strong!! xx Hy

  5. Such a fun read, I’m sorry the agony you had to put yourself through for my own entertainment. But I thank you nonetheless for it.

    Be strong with this Shenanigans dude. I so don’t trust him, he’ll keep trying to worm his way back. And hang on to Hy. Good friends are hard to come by.

    But most of all, keep having FUN!!! 🙂

    • I blocked him without any final texts. Now trying to figure out if I delete his contact info from my phone, if he stays blocked.

      Definitely hanging on to Hy!!

      And glad I could entertain…it makes me feel an iota better lol.

      • I’m sorry… I was just trying to turn a negative into a positive. Fucking men. I wonder when I’ll reach the point where I just simply give up on them. It’s too bad I’m so into having sex with them on a regular basis.

          • I know what you mean. I’ve had to end it with guys who knew me like a book – sexually – and had ways of making me scream over and over again. But their toxicity just wasn’t worth it. I wish I was capable of separating sex and love, but I can’t. I just get so attached. I fucking hate it. Why can’t we have men for sex, men for affection, and then our great female friends for sharing the rest of our lives with?

  6. You and Hy are my favorite bloggers. Her post on this subject is awesome to read because it elicits excitement, drama and love of you both. Both Fox and Shenanigans are a waste of time, not worth the effort and worth deleting totally. The blog is public so they both can read the public portions, however, they should not see the protected without the password. I still like your mom’s post giving her discernment of the situation, but leaves it to you for what is best.

    • Thank you Forester! I adore her writing and which I could write like her.

      Shenanigans has no idea we are bloggers, and it’s going to stay that way!

      I like my Mom’s feedback too. She’s very wise.

    • Um… No I don’t think I’m being too harsh. There’s a lot of history there with him being an awkward ass. I’m angry at myself because I should have known it’s how he would be.

      And with the pleasure (not mine this time) always came an avalanche of pain and BS.

  7. Darling Ann
    “I don’t regret anything I’ve written; but I do realize I’m sometimes punchy with my comments and sure, cavalier in moments”

    If anything, there is no need to be sorry when being punchy. No regrets needed. This is who you are. No need to change that.

    Just be you as we are to. Okay speaking only for myself. As am I. And though I might be blunt I do not regret being me. And sure you can punch me for that 😛 at least there is understanding 😀

    As for ShenaniGONE How rude. I could never do what he done. Damn get a room..

    Be well and keep smiling. It is not the end of the world.

  8. The whole fucking all over the house thing wouldn’t have bothered me. But the way he treated and related to me would have.

    Like you said there is some “aftercare” involved when one shares a FB with a friend. And the aftercare should have been him checking in on you and a decent human being.

    Glad to read you’ve blocked him. He really doesn’t deserve any of your time.

    • The house stuff didn’t bother me inherently. Just an example of how obvious it was.

      although it was a little odd two nights later, putting my son to bed, and thinking about what happened there…

      • Hmm. I do have a rule about no fucking in family beds. Even with friends sleeping over that are together. I ask if they can refrain for a night. Or choose another room in the house. So many to choose from, why use the bedroom? 😉

        I get it though.

  9. About Shenanigans: “He tried to engage me physically and I told him I wasn’t well. He got up, came over to my side of the bed and stared to undo his pants – as if he was expecting a blow job.”

    Talk about nerve.
    He’s a character, all right.
    At least you’re too smart/strong to fall for his game.
    Well done.

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