Not Fox and I; hope I didn’t give anyone a start.
And no, it doesn’t mean I was able to cut off all emotions – it doesn’t work that way. I spent too long cramming feelings into dark recesses in my heart. I’m letting myself feel everything. What it does mean is I finally internalized the knowledge he can’t give me what I need, and continuing to see him on a few-week or monthly basis doesn’t do me any good.
This internalization also allowed me to fully focus on Fox and agree to being exclusive with him.
But how to end things once and for all with Tony?
There was great disagreement. Everything from suggestions to ignore all of his messages to – well, in fairness, nobody thought anything on the other extreme. A few people suggested I continue to see where things go with him, but I already know how that story plays out.
I decided the best thing to do was not ignore him when he reached out, which I knew would be rare. But I wouldn’t move the conversations forward and wouldn’t open the door to seeing him. If he asked to see me, I knew I had to say no and my only internal debate was what else to say to tell him it was over. I wasn’t going to say it was because of Fox, because it’s not causal.
As I mentioned, he was in touch before I returned from vacation and he called me shortly after I returned. He’s been in touch twice since.
While before I was relatively content with a reactive strategy, what happened was I ended up thinking about Tony more than I should – not regret or desire – just wondering if / when he would again reach out and what I would say. I decided I needed to proactively close the door. I needed him to stop reaching out.
He hasn’t asked to see me, so I haven’t had the obvious opening I was hoping for.
Two Saturday’s ago, he reached out to wish me luck on my boudoir photo shoot. The guy remembers everything I tell him so he knew when it was. I responded briefly with thanks. He didn’t ask to see me and the conversation ended there.
The following Saturday, one week later, he texted me again with a funny question relating to my office tower and where he was filming. He then confirmed my street address, ostensibly to send something for my birthday. He wished me a happy birthday as he was shooting the day of. Yes, that meant 5 seconds couldn’t be spared. Typical.
At that point my curiosity took over and I decided to wait until after my birthday to call him.
Nothing has arrived.
It’s time for me to make that call.
I texted him just a couple of hours ago and asked him if he could talk either today or tomorrow after Liam goes to sleep. He said of course. He tried to engage me further in conversation so there was a bit of back and forth. I ignored his question whether I was in town this weekend. It felt odd to not respond in kind when he flirted with me, but I managed to deflect. Soon enough he’ll understand why.
But now, I have a time to say goodbye, and I will.