I’m entering into a bona fide serious relationship with Fox. It feels good and makes me nervous all at the same time.
With great power comes great responsibility. That’s why.
The good stuff is pretty obvious. I feel adored and accepted and desired. Fox knows the whole me and likes me. For a sexually bold, adventurous, and highly experienced woman who has no intention of slowing down, this is a big fucking deal. Finding a man willing to see the Mom, executive, and insatiable slut? I know he thinks he’s the one that’s hit the jackpot, but ssshhhhh, it’s actually me.
Oh yeah – he also knows I blog and has the right amount of confidence and disinterest to sincerely, at least now, not care one whit. I’m able to talk about my real life friends who I met through this blog, the real story of Johnny Id, and tell him when I need some alone time to write.
I feel so relaxed about certain aspects of this relationship. It’s wonderful.
Other things scare me.
Actually, scared isn’t the right word. I’m not scared anymore, remember?
I feel the weight of the situation, more than anything.
This is not something to be taken lightly. I’m not flirting about with some big cocked player. This isn’t a doomed relationship due to terrible timing. Fox is the polar opposite of the 30 year-old Shenanigans.
As fun as this is, we’ve got gravitas.
This is real. This is a guy who is ready for a serious relationship and wants it with me. He is a package deal; he comes with a 16 year-old daughter who lives with him full-time. She had a rather rough last several months and is currently estranged from her mother. I’m keenly aware should she and I bond, and it doesn’t work out with Fox, it will be a loss for her. I have lots to write about meeting her this past weekend.
Then there’s Liam. My darling son met Fox on Sunday; we went to a sporting event together. While Will had no issue introducing Colleen’s children into Liam’s life quickly, I want to be careful with how exposed he gets to Fox.
A while ago I defined what a serious relationship was. Fox and I are ticking all these boxes and there is something really powerful about the feeling. But it can’t just be the feeling which propels me; it’s about him as well.
And as magical as it is, I’m trying to be very careful and measured in how we move forward. I am loath to repeat past mistakes.
This is the opportunity to prove to myself I’ve learned something in the last two years. To not get seduced by what “should” be, but to stay true to myself. To listen to my gut. To be a giving lover and equal partner. To not let passion diminish as intimacy and familiarity grows.
…and more than anything, to really let myself be open to the possibility of an amazing relationship with a real and true love.