What a difference a guy makes…

Do you remember the Tony drama about whether I was his girlfriend? The guy who wasn’t into “labels” and resisted (for reasons that became clear after the fact) using such a term, even though we were exclusive?

Let’s say I’ve been in a relationship desert for the bulk of the last seventeen years. When you don’t know what’s possible, you take what you are given. Coming out of a marriage desert, when a man gives you a sip of water, you feel like your thirst should be quenched.

But you wonder why you still feel thirsty.

Then when a man comes along and says – wow, you must be parched, here’s a litre of water – at that point you realize you’ve been dehydrated the whole time.

That’s how I feel right now with Fox.

I feel good about my decision about Tony, but I’ve felt a little “flat” this past week about Fox. I am definitely mourning the loss of the good things with Tony, which for me is a signal that I’ve actually internalized the decision. But the focus on making the decision about Tony has been at Fox’s detriment.

Until now.

Fox has been in awesome communication since I’ve been away. There’s no drama or games or any of that shit. If he leaves me waiting for a response it’s because he’s in a meeting. He’s good at saying when he’ll be out of touch for a little while. If anything, I’ve gotten to know him better via text in the last 12 days. He’s opening up, and as a result is sharing more stories about himself which are what keep me interested.

He has a teenage daughter who lives with him full time. He is careful about who he introduces to her and when, for reasons I both understand and respect. He has started to talk about me to her; he’s showed her my picture and I’ve been woven into conversations.

Last night, she asked him if I was his girlfriend and when she would get to meet me.

He texted me to tell me. So I said “what did you say”? He said – about the second question – he wasn’t sure and he would ask. Naturally I then had to ask “what did you say about the first question?”

He said “I guess so”.

Then asked me how I felt about it.

How did I feel? A bit weird. It made me think of Tony and how different the girlfriend / boyfriend conversation was. It made me worry that Fox is moving too quickly given we’d only been on 6 dates. I worried I felt flat about him and would come back home and see him and not feel much and break up with him and here he was, really starting to feel a lot for me.

So I deflected. I joked he moved quickly since we’d just had six dates; seven if you included my party.

Then we had a FaceTime conversation. For over 90 minutes. And you know what? It was great. Really great. What started as anxiety about how I would feel when I saw him again has turned to excitement. I can actually feel the mental change that’s letting me be open to the possibility he’s a completely awesome man for me.

He’s not without some characteristics I’m mildly concerned about, but that’s to be expected.

But he’s planning outings for us – sports and theater. He’s given me a placeholder date for a party with his friends. He’s making an effort.

He actually wants to be my boyfriend. I’m not dragging him kicking and screaming toward anything.

It’s fucking awesome, frankly.

He just told me he is grateful I’m in his life. When I asked him why, he said:

“Why….you are capable of engaging me in dialogue and keeping me interested. 

The conversation makes me laugh and smile. It shows a wonderful lady who has her shit together and is a great parent.  

She is sexy and sexual. 

She does not judge and remains on even keel (so far ;)).  

She is kind. Hard working. Cares about her friends.”

I could get very used to this.


32 thoughts on “What a difference a guy makes…

  1. I’m happy for you Ann. Very happy. On a lot of counts. The mourning, the discovery that something nice could just happen…
    It’s funny, my kid asked me the other day if I had a boyfriend (I’d just texted a pic of our fun outing to a friend and didn’t hide it properly)… I couldn’t (nor did I want to) say yes though. Too many implications with my ex still. And I don’t know that anyone I know would be happy to be called my BF, so… I’ll have to survive without that tag for a bit longer 🙂
    I’m glad you don’t have to.

      • I must say… I’m interested in finding out whether your decision in regards to Tony will have any influence on that meeting. Maybe an air of freedom that you could feel, letting yourself finally enjoy the time spent with this man, seeing where the anticipation takes you too…
        As you say, see what happens. 🙂

  2. I predict that as you get accustomed to such an appreciative and attentive man, that Fox will seem increasingly attractive and the chemistry will grow. That’s assuming Tony doesn’t make contact at some point and mess with your head. Regardless, it’s hard to imagine him giving you what Fox is giving you (separation etc aside, he may just not be wired that way). Ultimately, whether Fox works out or not, you are experiencing how you want a man to treat you in terms of attentiveness, respect and appreciation. And perhaps you can put that on your relationship deal-breaker list.

    • Thank you Holly; I completely agree. Tony is simply not like Fox, which is fine, but there are many things I can’t see him ever being able to give me.

      I’m not getting ahead of myself – as you say, who knows what will happen with Fox. But he’s really wonderful right now and I’m looking forward to seeing where things go with him.

  3. Ann,
    Fucking awesome! When a guy says ” You’ve got your shit together”. (Of course we knew this already ! ) That is compliment on a whole new level. He is comfortable with everything he has seen in you relative to his life experience.

    BTW, Thanks for the Lobster claw post! It made my day!

    All the best!


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