It’s not every night I choose one man over several.

Part OnePart Two

One of you said that the love and fuzzy came through in my last post. It’s so very true. There is just something about that guy. My heart has expressed it pretty well in the past.

Tony and I had hours of amazing sex. Literally hours. Eventually the boots came off, but not before I’d lost count of orgasms and he had me in a variety of ways. At one point, the man who often finishes manually actually stopped himself from doing so and said “I don’t want to do this alone”, again pulling me into him.

I know I said this before and it probably doesn’t do me much good to think about it again, but I remain surprised at the chemistry we have. Things feel so natural with him, like we’ve been lovers for years. He knows what I like and we move together like dancers who know exactly what to do and when. I feel his kisses everywhere in my body.

As always, between sessions we talked and talked and talked. I used the opportunity of the sex club visit to tell him about some of the sexual exploration I’d done since we had broken up (and yes I know that term is rather odd to use given the current situation). I told him about the Dom and our prior meeting – when he asked who I went with that night l said simply, “a friend”.

I told him about my two experiences with women. About the couple at the club – the context being I was showing him the outfit from that night. I didn’t tell him about the gangbang.

His response? He was impressed that, like everything else in my life, I was moving forward and getting things done and trying new things. In this case, using the phrase “Ann you are such a do-er” took on a fun double meaning. I told him about the bikini and showed him the picture and he commented that when he looked at me he saw an intelligent, successful, sexy, funny, amazing woman.

Checking my phone between sessions, I saw there were no responses from the Dom. I was very uncomfortable showing up without being able to give him some prior context. I wanted to be sure he knew who Tony was in my life, and also to ask him whether he’d be willing to engage Tony if I ended up on the cross again. I wanted to ask if he’d teach him, but certainly didn’t want to put him on the spot.

Having not heard from him, I didn’t know if he was going, didn’t know if something had changed in him wanting me to show up, or anything. But I was in Tony’s arms, no end of sexy times in sight. We decided to stay at his place and go the club some other time.

At one point, entangled together and naked, I asked him whether my reaching out made anything harder for him. We had a pretty damn good conversation. He said he thought of me often and wanted to talk to me regularly but wasn’t sure if he was “allowed” to reach out.

He told me he didn’t want to hold me back, so I said “you aren’t, Tony. I’ve been dating. I have to try to not compare everyone to you, but most of them are way better texters than you are” (I was smiling at this point).

I also said I knew now that putting my own deadline on no-contact was essentially useless; I knew he was on his own schedule and things could take a while. I was open with him that I’d hoped by the end of the summer he would have done three things:

  1. He would have missed me and thereby realize my importance in his life. He said this already happened.
  2. He would have gone on a number of mediocre dates (to which he said: “Hey, why mediocre?!” to which I retorted “hey, these are my wishes, and yes, it’s selfish.”), so that he would realize just how rare it is for people to get along so well and have the physical and mental chemistry we have.
  3. He would have made some progress sorting out his divorce and child arrangements so he could say with certainty he was done with his marriage.

The last point led to a discussion where he again described how hard it was to not have his son around, but that he needed to become more efficient at his work so he could better manage his time. Given the nature of his job, it’s difficult for him to plan a regular schedule, but he can definitely be more organized.

We fell asleep sweaty and exhausted. I was happy to have his fuzzy chest and awesome upper body wrapped around me.

We slept in (until 7am…that’s late for him) and he commented how well he slept and how unusual that is for him. We had rounds of morning sex and then I took a shower, as I didn’t want to show up to my Mom’s house smelling like sex, and really didn’t think it was cool for me to not shower after one man and have a date with another.

But post shower, I realized I hadn’t tried on my new corset for him (it’s exactly like the one in the picture) and needed him to help me get the tying right. He helped me get it on and get it adjusted…and when I turned around to show him the front…he practically growled and asked me to put on my Betsy Johnson high heels (4′ with a satin bow and pink bottoms). The next thing I knew he was accelerating the curing of my corset by sweating all over it.

One thing Tony is really good at is telling me is how much he’s attracted to me. He said “my god Ann, if you could see how fucking sexy you look right now.” I have to say, I loved hearing that.

He walked me to my car and we enjoyed a lingering goodbye. I drove away, relaxed and content, to my next social engagement.

21 thoughts on “It’s not every night I choose one man over several.

    • We really do. I was talking to my Mom about it today – Tony and I have easy banter, we are relaxed around each other, super attracted to one another… time just flies when we are together. He makes me laugh. He listens to what I have to say and is genuinely interested in my life.

      Wishing won’t make it so, but I do hope to someday be writing about how magical it was that we got through this tough time. I seriously doubt it, but a girl can dream, right?

        • I haven’t given up yet and I don’t plan to start. I don’t believe in regrets; there are very few things I regret. The interesting thing is to figure out which combination of characteristics are the right ones. I don’t believe I can find the perfect guy but I’m also not willing to settle. Those are contradictory beliefs.

          Let’s say Tony and Fox were the last two men I could ever pick from. Do I go with the one who I can spend days on end with and not get bored, but who can’t demonstrate that he loves me in all the ways I need, OR do I go with the guy who I can’t spend time with as easily but who is steady and communicative?

          I’m simplifying for the sake of argument, but it pretty much comes down to that. But no, I don’t see this as a Tony vs Fox thing…they are just such contrasts and it does raise the question in my mind.

      • I think this goes back to the easy comfort you have with him. There really is something about knowing how someone feels about you, with you and the chemistry you have. It sets your heart at ease.
        I loved the line about how the other guys are better at texting! Good for you!

  1. You realize I spent all day yesterday checking whether you had posted and then you go and post while I sleep? Imagine how frustrating that was!
    This said… yes, one man over many. Any time. I get that. Just like I get the effortless dancing together (why do you think I didn’t change his name?)… as for the love and fuzzy… yep, it’s still there in your writing 🙂
    Oh Ann! I’m happy for you and wishing things were perfect already :-/
    Maybe it’s because I’m in a similar situation, and if things turn out right for you then they could turn out right for me too?

    Did I miss a post or did you not really write about the woman experience? I’m writing about one, which made me think of you… now I have a vague memory that you did write about it…

    Thank you for bringing me hope. 🙂

  2. Oh! Also wanted to comment about the shower between lovers. I know the feeling. It’s the same I had having The Dancer in my bed without having changed the sheets since the failed afternoon threesome… I may have changed them but felt really weird having three men in my bed in one day!

  3. I’d feel strange not showering in between two men. Not like I’m trying to wash the first one away, but it feels weird having someone else’s sweat/scent on you when going for another.

      • But is not disrespectful be with one guy early in the day knowing you have a date with another later in the day? Sorry just not how I swing. Granted you also invited Fox to the sex club the night before, so he has some idea what is going on.

        • That’s why I said it makes it worse. It’s not great as it is, but showing up on a date with another guys sweat on me is worse.

          And yes, Fox was my first call. I asked him a couple of times and he chose to go hear a friends band play instead. He could have also come after the concert so he could do both things. But he chose not to…and he knew I may still go.

What do you think?