I hurt my labia. I am a dumbass.

I’ve written before about the things I’ve used to masturbate with when I’m away from my usual arsenal.

On my current vacation I packed my favorite (and first) vibrator from Jimmy Jane. But is that enough for me? Nope.

I was particularly horny earlier this week and took advantage of some alone time to have a few self-loving sessions. I improvised by adding something else to the tools I was using.

It was metal and therefore, naturally unyielding. It may or may not have had a crimp in the bottom to seal it. It was, in hindsight, a bad choice.

And for the first time, I have a labia injury. My clitoris is also unhappy. My parts are making their displeasure known.

I am in real pain when I move. Have been for three-ish days now. I finally succumbed to trying an antibiotic ointment that has lidocaine just so I can walk and sit and pee without hurt. But I know I should probably use something else and shudder at going to the nearest town (population 1,300) and talking to the pharmacist. If they even have one.

I feel like an idiot but figured perhaps anyone else who has also done something stupid whilst masturbating may laugh (or cringe) with me. You can also laugh at me, I deserve it.

I’m just hoping my parts will forgive me soon and stop reminding me of my idiocy.

And yes, in case you were wondering, I’m still horny and now unable to do anything about it. I even dreamt about sex last night, which is further torment and ironic since I rarely ever remember my dreams.

44 thoughts on “I hurt my labia. I am a dumbass.

  1. I feel for you!
    I’ve been in the can’t sit, can’t walk, can’t pee predicament not that long ago, and don’t forget the can’t touch… I really feel for you!
    Hope you heal soon. I’d suggest trying a bath with Epsom salts, and some Sudocrem or something of the sort. Maybe calamine lotion? Or some baby rash ointment…
    Good luck!
    XO

  2. When I destroyed my shoulder (I actually injured both) the pain was excruciating…especially after the surgery to install a plate and screws. Both shoulders fully separated and I had a contusion on my hip that was so severe that it would leak old blood. Everything hurt…and I was still suffering from an amped libido and I acted upon it (self pleasuring was an impossibility due to my injuries) but I still managed to engage in intimacy with Savannah. All that to say that an injury to my manhood would probably be what takes me out of action, too.

    Sorry for your pain, dear friend.

  3. Bahahaha sorry to laugh at your expense but I love you ann. Tony this, Tony that, masturbation injury.

    I can’t say I’ve injured myself with an object but I did actually once get sliced with a girl’s fake nail. Do not play with girls with fake nails! Nooooope. I learnt my lesson.

  4. Ouch, sorry to hear about your condition. I’ve had so much sex a couple of times that I’ve been chaffed and raw. And then several times I’ve jerked off too vigorously and ended up very tender and sore afterwards. No fun indeed!

  5. Thank you! I need a laugh and smile this morning. I am surprised no one ask yet, but what was this metal object? Can we get a picture and will it be added as an update to the list of things you fucked yourself with?

What do you think?