Art reached out to me on OK Cupid. We were a 97% match – and as I’ve written before, that means something. It is not the fake “matches” you get on Plenty of Fish which are the people who messaged you and who you viewed. These are based on questions you answer (in my case, over 1,400).
He seemed cute in a nerdy way. His profile – not surprisingly, given our match percentage – appealed to me. He was open about the stage he was at and refreshingly honest. His messages were lucid, funny, and flirty.
We moved to text and it continued to be good. There was friendly and witty banter. He asked me whether he’d been nicknamed yet (how does he know women do that?!) and where he lined up in my set of suitors. He told me my honesty was refreshing, but his was as well. He liked my answers to the sex questions on OKC. He was intellectual.
He was keen and interested. Sweetly so. But I wasn’t quite sure when I could meet him. I was honest that I had plans that Saturday night but they could fall through. I didn’t say it was a date but I didn’t have to.
Well, as you already know from my Tony post, my plans fell through. I texted Art to let him know, and within minutes he had rearranged his plans so we could meet for dinner.
The fun messages continued. Here’s an example:
I have yet to write about my Saturday mid-day plans with someone new to this blog…but I will just say I was well fucked by the time I met Art at a restaurant in my neighbourhood.
There’s something about the first moment you meet someone – our brains register and process so much information in a matter of seconds. We aren’t aware of everything we are taking in, but we make snap judgements and form opinions.
My first thought was – oh, damn, I don’t think he’s attractive at all.
Why does it work that way with the super-high matches?
I should make sure I’m crystal clear – I can find attractiveness in most people. I really wanted to find Art attractive and I just couldn’t. There was nothing there. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Even the Accountant, with a relatively boring conversation, had things I found physically appealing.
We had an amazing conversation for a few hours. The high match percentage played itself out in our beliefs, interests, attitudes, and behaviours. Parenting, emotions, intellect, sex.
We had a hilarious conversation with the waitress when we were leaving. As she was running through our credit cards (I offered to split the bill and he accepted), she said “so, what are you guys doing next?” We looked awkwardly at each other and I muttered something about it being our first date. She commented she wouldn’t have known it was our first date and we had “really great chemistry”.
Then she repeated her question about what we were doing next.
I was dying a little inside, thinking about the truly great chemistry I had with Tony on our first date. But I recovered: we paid and left.
He offered to walk me home but instead we stopped in front of where he was picking up his transportation home. We chatted awkwardly for a while and then he asked if he could kiss me. I said yes, naturally. I was hoping I could get over the lack of appeal with great physical chemistry.
The kiss was tentative but wonderful. He was good. Not good enough to make me forget everything. Which yes, has happened.
And all I could think about was that despite all of my attempts to be attracted physically to this man, I simply wasn’t.
Even still, given everything, I was willing to go on a second date with him. I am trying very hard to give men a chance – quality men who I get along with are not common. I wondered whether having a positive physical response to him might help me find attractiveness.
He was very keen, but it didn’t happen – and it was my decision.
I will tell you why very soon, I promise.