After so many discussions and comments relating to chemistry, as a result of my first date with the Accountant post, I did a bit of research.
Some people thought of chemistry as predominantly a physical thing – but it’s more than that for me. I also realized I experience chemistry with new people I meet that aren’t romantic possibilities – so its definitely not that I want to get in someone’s pants.
So I looked it up. An article on Psychology Today online (credited below) says the core components of both friendship and romantic chemistry include non-judgment, similarity, mystery, attraction, mutual trust, and effortless communication.
I had to take the dating comparisons out of my head to think about the kind of people with whom I click. Effortless communication is a big one for me – I like confidence, a quick wit, and verbal banter. This was a key difference between my FetLife date from the others.
The balance of similarity and mystery is an interesting one – I really enjoy talking to people who do different things than I, which piques my curiosity. I love to learn. But perhaps the similarity comes on a different level… I will have to think about this some more.
Then I wondered if people experience chemistry the same way. The article said people were more likely to experience friendship chemistry if their personalities were open (e.g., adventurous, imaginative, and emotionally in-tune), conscientious (e.g., competent, disciplined, hard-working), and agreeable (e.g., friendly, cooperative, and considerate). It went on to say that openness and conscientiousness were key determinants of romantic chemistry as well, but agreeableness was less important.
I am certainly open and probably conscientious.
What really struck me (my heart, especially), was the author’s rumination whether chemistry involves something that cannot be explained by science. She believed it could be caused by a spiritual connection, remembering the future, or destiny.
There’s definitely much more to say on the topic, but I wanted to share these definitions with you as food for though. When you think about having chemistry with someone, does this list resonate?