The beating of my cervix. Then a slow fade.

So the last we heard of Lewis, he was on my couch showing me his massive cock. Well, massive for me. I’m sure it’s all relative.

That was Wednesday night. We planned to see each other the following Tuesday. Even if he turned out to not be relationship potential, I was really excited to experience someone of his size. Shallow, perhaps, but I wanted it to happen. If needed, I was even going to break one of my texting guidelines (generally let them set the pace of communications) in order for that to happen.

Thursday morning I sent him a “good morning handsome” text. No response. At 1pm I told him he was responsible for my inability to focus on my work. He said:

“Good Afternoon! Me? Innocent little me? Well…I’m sorry but it was worth it! I pictured you on your hands and knees and I was eating your pussy and ass out from behind…then I slept like a baby…”

It’s funny how the gut works. 

In that moment, suddenly this little voice said “Woah, Ann… why did you have to go and tell him you were kinky and loved sex?”. Time and time again, the moment a dude who I haven’t had sex with yet drops the “pussy” bomb via text, it seems that’s all its ever about.

But I tried to put it out of my mind. We’d seen each other twice and while the second time ended hot and heavy, we talked for a long time before then.

Later that evening, he texted that he had “filthy thoughts of us running through [his] mind all day“. Then he asked for an ass pic to tide him over until Tuesday. I told him I was terrible at taking ass pics and he offered to take some when we saw each other. I sent him one that Hyacinth took of me in some pretty funny undies (no, not Pink Floyd…even better).

When I asked him for a pic in return, he sent a full body naked shot which turned out to be from 2013 – he’s got a six pack which is no longer evident, but pretty much everything else was the same. It was HOT.

Friday morning I was again the one who started off the conversation with a “good morning”. I was off on a family trip and had limited connectivity for the rest of the weekend. Looking back at the text history, it’s obvious I was the one keeping the conversation going.

Sunday night, after asking him how his prior night was, he said “Nice and chill. Netflix is great, all I needed was a clit on my tongue and it would have been perfect”.

Now, if you are like me, what did you notice? Not YOUR clit. A clit. Harrumph.

Then there was the Sunday incident. I asked him whether he wanted to come over. Then I sent him a link to an article I thought he might like, given a work conversation we’d had. Five hours later, I got “interesting article“.

That was it.

I responded but then nothing. And I saw he was active on POF several times that day. Frankly, I was pissed off. If you have time to be on a dating site you have time to respond to a text from a woman you’re interested in.

So I reached out to some girlfriends to ask their advice. A particularly wise one suggested I treat him like I would a girlfriend who I’d made plans with. Be myself. So that’s what I did – the next day, Monday in the evening (now 24 hours since his last text, and 24 hours before we were supposed to meet) I “checked in” about Tuesday to make plans.

There was no response. Until I saw he sent me a message on POF, saying only “lost phone”. I gave him my contact information again. Hours later, he responded, saying he was on his back-up phone. We made plans for the next night.

Tuesday came. Mid-day, he told me he was “looking forward to sucking on your pussy tonight”. 

That gut feeling kicked in again, but I didn’t really care. I responded he made me laugh and I looked forward to deep conversations as well.

He said he would be over at 9 and he showed up closer to 10. Granted, he had a bottle of wine in his hand, and he looked magnificent in jeans and a v-neck cotton sweater. We talked in my kitchen over wine for almost an hour. Then the kissing started…and it didn’t stop.

He proceeded to fuck me every which way, and then some. His cock was as big as I remembered. Both hands together and there was still room at the end. They barely fit around his girth.

I. Loved. It.

I can see how one could get addicted to the size when it’s attached to someone who knows how to use it. He just kept going, and going, and going. Insisted on trying the positions I said I liked, even though I told him I didn’t need to have my legs on his shoulders so he could get deeper.

I could feel him hitting my cervix over and over again, which was mildly uncomfortable but not too bad. At some point I recall telling him I think I’d met my match, and wondering aloud how it was possible he was smart, successful, not looking for a one night stand, and could fuck like a demon.

Even in my sex-addled state, I noted he didn’t reciprocate.

So I suppose y’all know where this story is going, right?

Around 1:15 in the morning, after three straight hours of sex, I climbed on top for a second time and managed to find an angle that led him to say “Oh Ann I’m going to cum”. Which he did, shortly after. And literally – I’m not exaggerating – fell asleep 2 minutes later.

The gigantic hulk of a black man, covered in semen (and in noting that fact, realized he wasn’t wearing a condom for that portion of our session – sigh) – was passed out perpendicular to the end of my bed. I got ready for bed, poked him in the arm until he woke up, he righted himself in my bed, and quickly started snoring.

We were awake before 6am. I was hoping for some sex, a leisurely breakfast, and more sex. I knew he didn’t have to be in to work for hours, and neither did I. But I kid you not – he said he had to go because he “had to poop”. Laughing, he explained that it’s a dating grey area whether to poop in someone’s house. Fine. I was being ditched for poo, despite having three bathrooms.

But then he changed his mind and I got to experience that big black cock all over again. This time, my cervix protested – a lot. He wasn’t too interested in taking it easy on me. He inquired whether I liked anal and after saying I thought he’d kill me, he said it was nothing that patience and lube couldn’t fix. He ended our session by putting one, then two, of his large fingers in my ass. He said “next time, baby”, then got dressed and we went downstairs. I inquired when he was free on the weekend and he simply ignored my question and talked about something else. He gave me a kiss goodbye, and left.

His text message a few minutes later was simply “WOW”.  I responded that I thought he’d literally fucked my brains out. Later, I mentioned I’d listened to the audio of us fucking he’d recorded the night before, and he said he wanted me to send it to him, asking “did it make your pussy tingle listening to it?”

The next day, his only text message to me was “Hola! I hope you are well. How does that pussy feel now?”

Can you feel the love? I sure as hell did. I saw all the signs – it’s one thing to ignore a question on text when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by telling them you are on a date, but another thing entirely to not respond when someone clearly is interested in seeing you again. And to not ever mention anything about seeing someone again, not even vaguely.

The short version of the rest of the story is this: there were fewer text messages, and long delays between responding. He would respond neutrally if I texted him, but that was it. So on Saturday, I sent:

“Hey Lewis. Hope your weekend is going brilliantly. I kinda sense I’ve been put on the back burner? Or are you just extraordinarily busy?”

His response (within 10 minutes, I noted) was:

“Hola Ann! I wouldn’t call it extraordinary but I am busy with plans I made with folks weeks ago. I did enjoy our time that we have spent and plan on spending more”

His planning skills leave a bit to be desired, since he hasn’t asked for any more time. So today (Monday), out of sheer curiosity what he would do, I asked him via text whether his schedule was still backed up. Three hours later and no response. So it’s clear to me – for whatever reason – I am not in high rotation.

I’m not sure where I made a mistake. Perhaps that’s not the right way to think about it, but I can’t help but feel like my telling him I was so sexual made a difference. Prior to having sex, we were talking about future dates; fun things we could do together. The other tactical error I made was pushing the pace of the conversation and when we were going to see each other.

The lessons I learned? Cocks the size of my biggest dildo are awesome in person. But more importantly? Pushing the conversation with someone means you might get them before they are ready. I’m becoming more and more convinced letting them set the pace is not about being mysterious or unattainable with men. If the man is ready he will be in touch frequently, and if he’s not? It doesn’t mean you won’t see him. It doesn’t mean he won’t fuck you.

But it does mean he probably won’t be around much after that.

I would love to be wrong.

98 thoughts on “The beating of my cervix. Then a slow fade.

  1. I noticed the “a clit” also, right away. We are a lot alike, you and I. Let this one fade away…if all he wants to text you about is your pussy, then he can find “a clit” for his tongue. I mean, I’m sure you’ve got a fabulous pussy, but at this point he should be taking more interest in the rest of your awesomeness.

  2. I love how you wrote this. You seem clearly over him and infuse your story with just the right amount of sarcasm (never over-board) to let us know that you are totally in control. I doubt that your confession 86’ed your connection with this guy. It might have bought you another date or two, but he was going to end it after having one epic sex date with you, much as how he’ll end it with the next woman, then the next, then the next. Again, kudos for knowing to quite while on top… literally.

    • Thank you!! If I wrote this on the weekend it may have been more infused with the pain of someone fading away like that. But I could feel it happening…but admittedly, he wasn’t as obvious as others.

      And I do know that I can’t pursue – it doesn’t get me anywhere. So many guys come back (there was another one just yesterday) from my past that I figure best thing is just so silent and then you never know when they may come back.

      I do wish it wasn’t this way with Lewis, however; not just because of his assets but because he felt like a real equal to me in many ways.

      Oh well. If he can’t see what I have to offer, then it’s his bloody loss.

  3. Oh man. That’s a hard lesson to learn… and I think you may be onto something about why he may be disinterested. It was at least a good experiment and I’m glad I can reap the benefit of the information. 🙂

    • I do wonder whether anything would have been different if I’d let him set the communication pace. I’d put money on a different outcome. Which seems ridiculous… it’s like people who walk into a house for sale and don’t buy it because they don’t like the colour on the walls. I can see past some initial idiosyncrasies people may have.

      • For what it’s worth, I think you’re entirely overthinking things. A thing that is fairly unique and awesome about you is that you approach sex itself like a man. That makes you blistering hot, and I am sure a hell of a lot of fun to be with. You still handle relationships like a woman, and that makes dealing with men difficult. Most men want sex. It seems like lots of men on dating sites have realized that they can hook up with women, and get laid a lot. Lots of men don’t want relationships, they just want sex, and if they can get the sex, why bother with a relationship. I’m not much of one for the “hunt”, but lots of guys are. If you’re too easy to get into bed, they aren’t interested in going further. If the guy is interested in you, he’ll come after you. If he’s not, he won’t. Simple as that.

        • I approach sex like a man? Really?

          I absolutely agree that if a man is interested he’ll come after me. I set the pace with this one…was too excited… but not sure it ultimately would have made a difference. I do think there’s something to be said for waiting until a man comes to me, because it means he’s already made a decision that he’s ready for me.

          • Yes, you approach sex like a man. You’re definitely feminine in everything else you share, but your approach to sex is like a man. Your matter of fact nature about it, your willingness to do it, the fact that you actively explore things that you’re curious about etc etc. I had one partner, that I met with on OKC who was like that, and it was amazing, and kind of mind blowing. Every other woman I’ve ever been with, or known anything about personally has a “way” about them that is female. This woman, from the moment I met her in person was just like being with a dude…a dude with a vagina and boobs, and really wonderfully smooth skin, lol. She and I had sex until dawn and near exhaustion, and we did everything you can imagine. The entire time she was 1000% open to doing anything, trying anything, was completely uninhibited about the experience…just like a guy. You’re a rare commodity whether you realize it or not :).

          • I don’t have anything to compare myself to other than my friends (okay, rare in comparison) and then bloggers here (seemingly less rare). So I do appreciate your words.

            I just wish there were more men who embraced someone like me instead of just thinking that’s all I’m good for.

          • Men are funny that way. I’ve learned just how one dimensional most men are through my own kinky play and the experience of others. I just wish there were more women like you to embrace, because I know if I found one I wouldn’t let her go!

          • I’m not sure whether us bloggers are anything to look towards when considering how women approach sex… I know of a few men who think I’m pretty extraordinary in things sexual. In others as well, but in those in particular. I think you, the woman invisible, Hy as well as a few other fellow bloggers have a similar approach, one which is not the most common one encountered by men I think. I may be hard, when looking at our little world, to keep in mind that not everyone is like us 😉

          • I’m feeling much better, thank you. Not completely over it, but it’s to be expected in a first infection. However, I’ve regained my love of life, that’s the most important thing, isn’t it? 😉

          • Definitely! I think with you, Hy and me, we are generally able to separate sex from emotions. And know when we are doing something for the sheer physical pleasure of it. I think that is the core difference from what I’ve read.

            Not to suggest we are devoid of emotions – far from it – but we are capable of pursuing and having casual sex.

          • Yes, we have managed to keep these things separate. At least for a while… or is it that we then get to know the person and fall for their other qualities?
            But yes, I am able to realise that I like sex for itself. So if I need it, I’ll be willing to get it, even if there is no prospect of a relationship, even if there may be hope for one in the long run…

  4. Was that me who was wise?? I know I’ve given that advice before. It’s good: treat them like anyone else in your life. Fucking Lewis, fucking dudes…

  5. Yep. You were sexual early and that gave him the ok to be a dog. His not making plans? He’s not responding to you. That’s on him. The better question is “What’s wrong with HIM?”

    The “a” clit. sounds like he was just in dirty mode. Plus, it didn’t really matter in the end, he still banged you silly. Why on earth would he be charming and appropriate with women when he could have sex with them regardless?

    • Early? Is there dates really early to have sex? I thought that was kind of the standard. And I confessed a love to sex to him at our second meeting which meant we’d had probably 5 hours of in person conversing before that. Perhaps it doesn’t seem like a lot to you.

      He was charming and appropriate until he put me in the sex box. Even then he had his moments. Then it was all over.

  6. I have a few reactions that have nothing to do with the important part of your post.
    The poop thing… I get it. I need to feel quite comfortable with someone before I can go with them nearby. It’s to do with the various Freudian stages, I guess I’m not past the anal stage 😉

    He went to sleep right away… after fucking you for 3 hours, the dude must have been tired!

    The size… I think I would pack my things running. Or maybe I have extra big hands? I mean, really, anything that is bigger than my kids’ head would scare me. Actually, I’d probably be scared a lot sooner. Plus, if I can’t fit him in my mouth, that takes away one big pleasure of mine. I definitely am NOT a size queen 😉

    The no condom… Considering where I am now, that would scare me shitless and be enough for him never even seeing my pussy ever again. I mean: No condom sex is great, but so not worth the risk if it happens without a discussion. This guy is obviously a player. He probably does it with the other women too. This said, I also know that sometimes it’s hard for men to come when wearing one…. maybe that’s why he took it off? I mean, it doesn’t excuse the reckless behaviour towards you, but could explain it…

    The fact that he didn’t listen when you asked him to take it easy? THAT would be enough for me to *not* see him again. Ever. If you can’t respect my body, you have no business using it for your pleasure.

    Even thinking about anal with him hurts! And if he didn’t listen to protect your cervix, why should he listen more regarding your other hole? Anal incontinence is not something I look forward to, I’m too young and too sexy to be wearing adult diapers!

    He didn’t reply to your direct question? I think that, if all the rest were perfect, would be enough to make me doubt I’ll ever see him again.

    Ok, I get it: you’re looking for a relationship, I think he isn’t. He only put that in his profile to get a different type of women, women he can lead on, have in his stable, rather than ones who are looking for one night stands as well and will dump *him*… How dare they, a well-hung man like him, he’s clearly a catch! That’s my opinion: he doesn’t handle rejection well so needs to have a stable of women who can’t get enough of him. The best way to achieve that is to say he wants a relationship. As always, actions speak louder than words…

  7. I’m skeptical that anything you did affected his behavior. I agree with Dawn that he probably says he wants a relationship to attract more women. But he’s acting like a player. And with how disrespectful he was to you in bed (not listening to you and not wearing a condom without your knowledge) I think you are better off without him.

    • Well I think it affected his behaviour but probably just accelerated the timeline. Either he didn’t feel the same kind of connection (on all levels) or someone else had a stronger one, or he is just a player with no real intention of a relationship. Hard to know.

      Lack of transparency really sucks.

  8. I do think that with a lot of men, getting sexual (either physically or verbally) too quickly instantly changes their expectations on what they are looking to get out of the other person and relationship.

    He may genuinely be looking for a relationship, but also is open to just sex if that’s the way it seems to go with someone. It may be that the way things developed with you caused him to see his situation with you as one for hot sex primarily and not a personal/emotional relationship.

    It sounds old fashioned, but there is still often something to be said for taking more time to really get to know someone before getting sexual in the context of a potential LTR.

  9. Reblogged this on Cherry: Sexcapades Abroad and commented:
    This post deals with something I deal with and struggle with often. It deals with the INFAMOUS fuckzone.

    What is the fuckzone? Ann deals with it but doesn’t name it. It is the place guys put you when all they want from you is sex. I have been put in the fuckzone often. It always happens the same way:

    I tell a guy I’m kinky and love sex. I am honest about what I like. I am honest because that is who I am.

    One of two things happen:

    1. The guy is awesome and has paid attention to EVERYTHING prior to my sexual confession and realizes I’m still a person looking for love and affection and movie dates while at the same time loving crazy sex.

    or

    2. The guy’s eyes glaze over and they something like, “Whoa… You really love sex/I’ve never been with a nympho/You are a dirty girl.” And BOOM. That’s it. Even though ten minutes ago he was asking me to go to the Zoo or telling me about his grandma’s cooking and how much I’d love it, now I am just something to get fucked.

    The fuckzone is an awful place to be when you were actually interested in a guy. Ann St. Vincent perfectly captures the disappointment and the slow creep of understanding.

    Stop it, guys/boys/men.

    We are human. Just because we love sex/kinky sex doesn’t mean that’s all we want and all we will be happy with.

    If all we wanted was a fuckbuddy, we would have one and wouldn’t be trying to date.

    • There’s nothing wrong with being honest with what you like, but as with many things, timing matters. I’ll give an example.

      If a guy started telling you all about his ex on your first date, your perception of him would probably change to think that he’s not over that relationship, and your interest in him would probably change. Yet if he told you about his ex after you’d been together a while, as part of getting to know deeper parts of each other’s life stories and histories, it would be perfectly fine. Timing matters.

      It’s the same with sex. If you’re telling your date about how much you love sex and how kinky you are on the first or second date, that changes perception and expectations to primarily a sexual one rather than an emotional or romantic one. It’s not that you should never share all about your sexual desires and proclivities, but there is a time and place to bring it up in the context of seeking a real relationship, typically *after* you’ve started having sex with that person. They don’t need to know about that before your relationship has progressed to that stage. Timing matters.

      • Hey Josh! Thanks for the reply– I completely agree. I suppose it would have helped to preface that most of the times that I have been fuckzoned it is a few dates in. I’m private when it comes to my sexual preferences because so many people are judgmental. I also let all the guys I deal with know that, when pursuing a something that could be a relationship, I won’t sleep with them with in the first little while (there is no set time limit but generally I need to see them 6 times or over a month or two before I want to take that step).

        The worst thing ever is being fuckzoned by a guy you told you wanted to wait for sex with. I’ve even been fuckzoned AFTER the waiting period JUST as we started having sex and purely because my reactions to sex are so… intense??

        So, I completely agree: Timing matters. But, in my experience, often times it just doesn’t matter. Once a guy knows you’ve slept with a lot of guys or love sex in the way I do, it all kinda goes down hill.

        • I completely agree Cherry! I deliberately stopped sleeping with men on a first date (men I want a relationship with, that is) because I thought it would make a difference. I was pretty sure that third date sex is rather benign…

          I actually don’t think it makes a difference. Once you are in the “sex box” that’s where you stay, regardless of what came before.

          And honestly I don’t think I could wait six dates before I have sex with someone…what if it’s horrible in an Un-fixable way?

          • Hahaha! That is a question I have had SO many times! Honestly, it IS really hard waiting for sex–Especially when there is an electric physical connection with the guy.

            It isn’t a hard or fast rule: I have slept with a guy on the second date because things naturally went there and things went well afterwards but died due to other issues.

            Another time, I DID make a guy wait 6 dates but we had fooled around previously and he had proven himself as a treat in the bed room. That was particularly awesome because the 6 dates were a constant tease. Both of us worked each other up into sexual tension knots and when the sex actually came around it was out of this world.

            I guess, so far I’ve been fortunate. Which is funny considering my goal is to find a companion and yet I’m still single. Ha! Oh well! Just makes for more adventures!

          • I have had some snarky people (not here) ask why I’m still single and I have to patiently explain that it’s not for lack of catching any proverbial fish… it’s a lot of catch and release 🙂

      • I hear you, Josh. The way someone describes things makes a big difference. Someone can mention their ex in saying “my ex and I have a very amicable relationship” and I’m cool with that… but complaining about an ex is not cool.

        Your point about sex is well taken. I do need to be careful about when to mention it and think I don’t have the right balance. I’m also learning some ways to be a bit more subtle about it… seeing how they respond to certain questions and paying attention to subtleties… in other words, getting a sense of whether we are on the same page. Or at least if there is a potential of being on the same page.

        • Exactly. I find that on the sexual front, letting them know about how kinky or sexual you are takes care of itself once you actually start having sex with someone in a relationship–you won’t need to verbalize it before then. And if they can’t handle it, that will become readily apparent on its own.

  10. Honestly, I dealt with this EXACT thing last Thursday. I almost dealt with it last night. I’ve dealt with it way to many times, actually.

    I affectionately (not) refer to this as ‘being fuckzoned.’

    Its awful and I’m sorry. Its the worst when you were actually interested in a guy.

    • Love the term!! But hate the thing – especially when it’s someone who you feel a connection with on another level.

      A mystery of dating men that I find highly annoying. It’s so few who manage to see all of me after a conversation about sex – those that do are a rare breed.

    • Here’s what I don’t get – he and I spoke about going on future dates at things like cultural institutions where we are both members. He brought them up. He told me he wanted to come to my next house party. Etc. etc.

      Why do men proactively bring this stuff up when there’s no intention of those things? I think he intended it and then things changed.

      • Alas, some of us are quite inventive and devious when we play the game to get the pussy. Shit, there was a time when I’d do something like that before it started making me feel like an asshole.

        What’s the easiest way into a woman’s underwear? Tell her what she wants to hear and even if you don’t really mean it. I laughed at the poop thing and I know it’s bullshit; it’s just an excuse to get in the wind after you’ve gotten what you wanted.

        If I were you, I wouldn’t be so keen to go out with him again and get your cervix abused… but I’m obviously not you. You’re looking for something in him that some of the shit you’ve shared with us tells me he’s not all that interested in – except nailing your cute ass to the bed, of course. Now, if that’s all you’re really interested in, eh, just don’t pay any attention to what he says… but if you’re looking for something more, um, don’t set yourself up to be disappointed.

        Men who mean well don’t act like this guy does – and this is a man telling you this who excelled at playing the game – so you can take it from there.

        • I do take your advice to hear, KD. He’s seemingly not interested even in nailing my ass to the bed (rather shocking!) since he’s not in contact anymore. I saw the signs but frankly overlooked them because I wanted to experience what he had to offer, physically.

          It’s too bad because we did actually (seem to) click on many levels.

  11. So beyond the relationship/sex question…I’m curious about your actual experience. As a bisexual man, I’ve had a couple large cocks. One was less than “meh” the other one was amazing for a couple of different reasons. What did you enjoy about his trouser monster? Was it the fullness, the power of it, just the sensation? Just my perverted curiosity.

    • Definitely the fullness and sensation. He hit all the right spots without much effort. Being able to feel the head of his penis quite clearly when he moved in and out slowly. All of the above.

      He’s the size of my large dildo which is about 9″ and quite thick.

      I liked not having to find positions to get the right sensations. Pretty much anything worked. In fact, some were too deep – I literally was sore internally for over three days.

      • Sounds like fun! I know from my experience that (doing anal anyway) I enjoyed the fullness and the surrender that you have to give to take a big one. It’s more of an all body experience for sure. Thanks for sharing.

  12. What a cuntmonkey.

    Everyone else has said pretty much what I would. I think he took your saying you like sex and are kinky to mean that you wanted a quick shag. Being honest is not a bad thing, I’m honest all the time about my sexual preferences. However that doesn’t mean that others see it as clear communication… Or if they see it as just a free for all shagfest.

    Nothing you could have done apart from given him a serve about the no condom thing. Because I’d have lost it. And possibly told him I have some horrible infectious disease that’s going to rot his cock off *smirks* oh ok. Maybe I’d have just said I have HIV. Some guys are horrible that way.

    Sxx

    • Oh Sharn!! “Cuntmonkey” is the best term I’ve heard in a long time.

      I did wonder whether you’ve had similar experiences with being open about your preferences. When filled with bravado I say “if he can’t handle it he’s not my guy” but then when I’m doubting myself I start to wonder if I’m just ill-timed with opening up about my sexual stuff.

      I should have told him I have some disease. Would have served him right.

      • Isn’t it? I love that term 🙂

        I think it was ill timed honey. Possibly in the middle of making out and feeling each other up isn’t the best time – he might have thought that you meant that you were open to something casual? Of course I don’t know, but I’m only assuming because men tend to be weird to me.

        Also I do tend to explain my kinky needs but then outline that it doesn’t lesson what I want from a future partner and that’s what I’m looking for. For some being kinky seems to be synonymous with being promiscuous and open to being a casual shag.

        • Yes, that definitely could have been it. As Ferns has said, it’s of three likely scenarios about what happened. I’m not sure what possessed me to say anything and I definitely regret it – it was unnecessary.

  13. Ann,
    I cant really add much that hasn’t already been said about Lewis.
    This guy is a special kind of fuck-nut. He plays up the relationship side, has the meaningful conversations, gives the impression that he’s taking everything slow until the woman lets down her guard.

    Guys like this really piss me off. There are enough women out there that want a NSA or FWB type of interaction. There is no need to fuck with someone’s head or emotions. You handled it well, but that doesn’t mean the other women he’s fucked with are as strong as you.

    Anyway, I’m sorry that it went down this way.

    All the best!
    Coop
    🙂

    • Thank you Coop. Even upon reflection I’m not sure whether it was never his intention to move forward, or if what I said changed the course of things.

      I wish I could ask and get a straight answer. Not because it would change anything but would help me figure things out.

  14. The thing that baffles me about his behaviour (and those like him) is that they seem to feel like they have to lie about their grand relationship intentions to get sex.

    It’s some kind of immature high school behaviour that feeds into this stereotype that women don’t actually WANT sex just for the hot fun of it. How is it that a grown up man, who is by all accounts attractive and smart, hangs onto this bizarre fallacy when he could probably have a bunch of delighted fuck buddies if he didn’t behave that way?

    The only alternative I can put it down to is the madonna/whore thing where he loves the chase, but any woman who has sex with him ‘too soon’ is a whore and therefore not worthy of a relationship. If that’s the case, it’s an attitude that says a lot about his view of women.

    To be fair, I guess it could be that he was sincere in everything he said and just changed his mind about his level of interest after having sex with you, but from the sounds of how it went, that just seems unlikely. Even if that was the case, a polite ‘sorry it’s not working’ message would have been the mature thing to do (unless, you know, his back burner is one that he cycles through in the slow times).

    If he contacts you again with an explanation and the promise of more sex, I do wonder if you’ll go back for round 2 (albeit with different expectations this time). I kind of suspect you would given you enjoyed the sex, which would validate that his approach actually works a treat and would explain why he doesn’t change it.

    Ferns

    • It baffles me as well, Ferns!! I would have been pretty damn happy to have Lewis as a sex-only partner, at least while I was looking for more.

      Those scenarios you laid out are the ones I came up with as well – and I wish I could figure out which it was…if for no other reason than to perhaps be better at seeing the signs next time.

      I’ve actually had some dating success in the last week so am confident even if he does come back around (he hasn’t yet), i will say no, but maybe later.

      However, I felt disrespected my him…and no matter how big his cock is or how good a lover he is, that’s one thing that keeps me from coming back for more.

  15. Girth notwithstanding, thus guy has some growing up to do. He needs to a few lessons in how to treat a lady’s mind/soul, not just her nether-regions…

  16. I need to go back to read all the comments, but I didn’t see it in your post. Did you tell him how uncomfortable it was? That it was actually hurting? Is that when he responded that he wants you to take it all?

    • It wasn’t uncomfortable in every position. And yes it was one point and then he responded that way. We were having pretty rough sex and I suspect he thought it was just a part of that. I could have been more directive.

      • IDK Anne, I like me some rough sex, and I am a big guy, I love putting it in deep, pushing more than she can handle to get the reaction while letting her know what is possible. But I can tell you we know when we are hurting you. When a women is arching her back or pulling away so you can’t get it all in you kind of realize that she isn’t completely enjoying herself. (And if she is not enjoying herself, at least for me, I am not enjoying myself.) Especially when followed up by a comment. Maybe he gets off on that? You could of been more direct, but then again, it is hard for me to believe he didn’t know what he was doing. Pulling from a response from another post, I agree that it was probably a bad thing(regret) to tell him your sexual preferences so early. Maybe that is why he took so many liberties with you being the first time he penetrated you.

        • I’m pretty sure he knew what he was doing. I was actively trying to move my body into slightly different positions to stop it from hurting as much… but again, I wasn’t very direct with him either.

          And I do think it’s why he took so many liberties. He didn’t strike me as that kind of guy before… but then again, I’ve been fooled before.

  17. My (alpha) best friend is apparently a reformed church lady, and I would have asked you to send him over to her place and give her a good cervix smack so she’d snap out of it. Im trying to be a good friend to some of my female friends but all of a sudden, they are either reformed, or coupled together and being boringly monogamous. *eye roll

What do you think?