Saturday plans: Tennis, Lunch, a Craigslist sale, and a nice f*ck.

Let me take you back, since I’m writing a bit out of sequence. Two weeks ago, I was experiencing a slowly disappearing man and had rekindled and quickly snuffed out my interactions with Tony.

Mr. Fetlife hadn’t responded to a text for several days, and the Teacher who was super keen ended up not being able to make any date work before a two-week vacation, so he was out of the picture.

The Accountant was being kind of creepy. He and I had pretty much stopped texting. He didn’t ask me out again, but if he had I’d decided to give it another chance. But then he came across my profile on Adult Friend Finder and his interest was reinvigorated. He messaged me there and on OK Cupid. He started texting me again.

He told me he’d taken my AFF profile pic (it’s half in shadow), lightened it, and said I looked great. It felt creepy.

I reached out to my friend Hy who I figured was an expert in these things. She wasn’t as fussed as I was, asking me whether I honestly thought it was the first man who’d done that with my pictures. She suggested – and I agreed – that the Accountant was probably simply excited to meet someone who he connected with on multiple levels.

Still.

There were some other men who had reached out to me on POF and OKC but nobody had gotten to a point where they were worth writing about.

On Wednesday, I was staring down my weekend and it looked pretty bleak – two gorgeous summer nights and days and nobody to fill my time. I had a party coming up so I would see many of my friends then. My Friday dinner with my girlfriend was the only social engagement I had.

I was still talking to some men on FetLife. One in particular had been interested since last Fall and since he lives a couple hours outside of town, the timing didn’t ever work. Until last Saturday. I agreed to meet him during the day when I still thought I might see Tony that night. We decided on lunch on a patio in my neighborhood.

Then Friday night happened. Tony bailed and I booked my Saturday night date. Suddenly I was looking at a jam-packed Friday and Saturday full of men, and it felt perfectly fantastic.

After waking up after the beating, going to a tennis lesson, masturbating, and sleeping, I met my new Fetlife friend for lunch. I was ravenous.

It was a completely fine couple of hours. Decent conversation, a good connection, all around just fine. I was not measuring him against my relationship criteria – he lived too far away for that. But he was a potential regular fuck buddy should we hit it off, and admittedly my criteria for that are still much higher than they used to be.

I was on a deadline, however. One of the things I put on Craigslist as part of my summer to-do list had sold and I was meeting the guy in a convenience store parking lot. When I asked him what he was driving, he said “a grey road bike”. I had a good laugh over that. I was pretty sure I wasn’t about to be abducted by a dude on a bicycle.

I figured it wouldn’t hurt to bring my new friend with me. So he accompanied me to the exchange ($70 richer and one less thing in my house!) and then I asked him if he wanted to come for a drink at my place.

We talked for a while longer and I started to get frustrated. He made no moves on me whatsoever. This wasn’t some first date of eHarmony for crying out loud – this was FETLIFE. I’m not sure how the conversation turned, but I mentioned what I’d done the night before and my resulting bruises, and he asked to see them. So I stood up, pulled up my dress, pulled down my lace boyshorts, and showed him.

That finally seemed to get things going. He kissed me, we went upstairs to my bedroom, and he took charge. He was dominant. He worshipped my ass. He took pictures with my good camera. He asked if I had a butt plug (no, we didn’t use the big red one lol). He used his belt to add to the bruises – which freaked me out at first but I actually liked it.

We fucked. I’m trying to get caught up on writing so no play-by-play this time. It was good. Not great, but not bad. Had I not been fucking him I probably would have been laying in bed moping about and masturbating. So all in all, it was a better use of my time.

He was a nice guy. Easy to be around. Keen to see me again later that night, so I had to artfully decline. I didn’t want to tell him I was going on a date…I felt it was unnecessary. I just told him I had dinner with a friend and had to get ready for it.

He’s subsequently been in touch regularly on Fetlife and has made it very clear he wants to see me again. He won’t be back in town for a while, so I don’t have to actively manage him and worry about hurting his feelings. I’ve learned I have a maximum capacity for men in my stable – if it goes above that number I end up acting like the douchebags I can’t stand. And I believe in life – including dating – I should act with as much grace and honor as I possibly can.

We’ll see how that works out for me.

18 thoughts on “Saturday plans: Tennis, Lunch, a Craigslist sale, and a nice f*ck.

  1. Im wondering if you ever spend evenings alone, or do you feel the need to fill up that time? Im personally on a journey to try and enjoy time alone rather than feel alone or bored. Ive been a reader for a while now and really enjoy your posts, and Im curious to see what you think. Perhaps you also struggle with the same thing?

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment!!

      Yes, I do spend time alone. This week I was on my own on Mon and Tues night, for example. I definitely need my own time and get frustrated if I’m always with people.

      But the corollary for me is I’m trying to “get back to life” which means I do feel pressure to do things. Or do productive things. It’s hard for me to not feel bad at some level when I choose to binge watch TV (which is rare). Or ignore things on my “to do” list. So I’m working on that too… letting myself be okay with the choices I make.

      I rarely feel bored. I do feel like I should be doing something else sometimes. Having the “to do” list I publish on this blog every week as part of my summer goals has helped, because honestly I don’t like having to say when I’ve made little progress on some things!

      What have you been doing to get more comfortable being alone?

  2. I’ve never had a stable. I just didn’t know how to handle more than one guy at a time. Now that I’m much older, were I single again, I’d definitely give it a go round. I don’t think I’d want to be in a traditional “relationship” if I found myself alone again. It is delicious to read your posts and live vicariously through them. =D

    • Stable may be the wrong word because it implies they are actually around for more than a few dates!! I am hard pressed to think of any time that I’ve been dating multiple men where we have the ultimate intent of a relationship.

      I’ve dated some men a few times while seeing someone like Jason, and then he and I stop having sex if it becomes exclusive with that other person. It’s the nature of online dating where you can very easily be talking to multiple people at the same time.

      “In rotation” is perhaps a better word…but it’s like a carousel where people are constantly getting off (lol!!) and on.

      I will try to give you something to enjoy!

    • I think you should write a book on your experiences for women of a certain age coming out of unhappy/unfulfilling marriages/relationships… kind of like Carole Radziwill wrote the Widow’s Guide to Sex and Dating (I never read it). Your own guide to navigating the waters after marriage and finding yourself along the way. I smell a bestseller!

  3. I agree with Taraka that you could, indeed, provide a great deal of insight to other women who have similar experiences to yours.

    Did I mention that I’m wearing a belt that has been nicely broken in on a few asses? I didn’t? Oh, okay…

    “Stable” is only a bad word if you think it is; when my poly relationship was the highlight of my life, I had to get used to people saying that I had a harem and, at first, I was greatly insulted because of what the word implies – then I decided that the opinions of outsiders who’d use this word to define my relationship with the three women in my life wasn’t worth getting pissed about: I knew they weren’t a harem so as long as I knew the truth and they knew it, nothing else mattered.

    • I don’t think it’s a bad word it’s just not probably appropriate. Unlike you, I’ve never really had more than one person in rotation at the same time for much longer than one or two dates.

      • “Network” would probably be more PC, huh? Then again, if you’re not seeing these guys more than twice, this word probably wouldn’t apply either… but is more, ah, appropriate than “stable” is.

        Indeed, I would hazard the guess that some women wouldn’t be fond of this word even if it did apply to them because for her to have a “stable of men” could be just as shameful to her as calling her a slut or a whore which, to me, is pretty fucking ignorant; we like to act as if a woman isn’t within her rights to want to have sex with a few select guys, you know, men that they trust and men they know is going to fuck their brains out in a consistent fashion.

        To that end, this is 2015… but we still treat some aspects of women having sex like it’s 1815…

  4. Nice Bike, new here been reading your posts for a while and loving them. Love riding bikes! Have you purchased yours?

  5. “After waking up after the beating, going to a tennis lesson, masturbating, and sleeping, I met my new Fetlife friend for lunch. I was ravenous.”
    No wonder I love this blog…
    Well done, Ann.

What do you think?