I have a party three times a year. The summer and winter ones are wine tastings, and the fall one was a “sausage and nuts” party (get it?!)
My party has been a key milestone in a few of the relationships I’ve had in the past two years. I broke up with Naked Ironing Man after he bailed in January 2014. Johnny Id was at my August 2014 party (he wrote a few posts about the party, which were fun for me to read). Tony came to the February 2015 party and it made me so very happy he’d put in the effort.
My last party was last week. I impulsively invited Fox. Given his schedule constraints I knew if he didn’t come, I wouldn’t see him for far too long a time (meaning, over a week). I also figured why the heck not; it was a good way to see how he interacted with my friends and how he was in social situations.
I decided to hide my dating profiles after our third date. In addition to Fox I had my date with Fourteen and I didn’t feel like I needed to fill my dating pipeline anymore. I also had a few men around who were safe bets if I needed to just get laid.
I had set up a date with a man I met on Adult Friend Finder, and although he said he was also looking for a relationship, I knew it was likely that I would put on the brakes after a date or two. I didn’t feel like starting new things just to end them. Given timing really is everything, I now believe it’s better to put the breaks on early (aka not starting) than to go down a path with someone just to end it (aka ending). If you didn’t start, you may have a chance of starting later. If you’ve ended something, you shouldn’t go back.
Several hours before we were supposed to meet, I cancelled my AFF date, telling him I would love to meet him but was seeing someone and thought it might end up exclusive and I didn’t want to start with him just to turn around and end it. He was completely understanding, said he was impressed I was honest, and that he hoped I would reach out again the next time I was free.
I also sent a note to the Accountant and Art with a slightly modified message. They were both incredibly gracious in their responses, saying they were disappointed to not get the opportunity to know me better, but they now held me in even higher esteem.
I figure I should put in the universe how I wanted to be treated (with honesty, while preserving dignity), instead of the idiocy that Lewis dished out (who I haven’t heard from since he said he was simply busy with plans made weeks before and he did want to see me again).
The day before I hid my profiles, Fox told me he deleted the dating apps off his phone since he preferred to focus on one person. I waited for him to ask me if I was prepared to do so (this was via text). He didn’t ask, and I didn’t volunteer. The reality is I’m not ready to be exclusive quite yet, but I’m willing to focus on him as well – meaning I don’t want to juggle 5 guys. I worried by telling him I hid my profiles he may assume I meant I was exclusive. I didn’t want to have to tell him I wasn’t exclusive. Because honestly, that could change in a matter of days.
The night of my party came. He arrived early and helped me prep salads. One of my cousins and a friend were the first to arrive – both around age 30 – and my cousins friend and Fox ended up having a serious bromance. They bonded over a love of beer and music. It was fun to watch.
The party was a hit and Fox was a lovely companion. He was also wonderfully affectionate – near the end of the night as I said goodbye to a long-time friend, she commented that he was obviously into me.
I tidied up as my final guests hung out – my brother was staying with me overnight and he and my younger cousins were going out drinking. Which was great because it also meant I could have sex with Fox and not worry about having anyone listening.
Fox had too much to drink, as it turned out. There was lots of passionate discourse, but lets just say the execution – faltered. He was on top of me and moving me more than moving himself (and guys, as you know, friction is key) and I laid there thinking “are you fucking kidding me – this is so weird” but then it was over and I chalked it up to intoxication.
The next morning – promises of morning sex on our minds – again, execution faltered. Laying in bed while realizing I was not going to get properly fucked, Fox turned to me and said “do you think I need Cialis or Viagara to increase blood flow?”
“I’m not really sure, do you think you do?” I replied.
“Well, ‘he’ used to stand at attention more than he used to when I was younger”.
“Okay, then perhaps you should try if, if you’re feeling a difference. I have some, if you want to try it.”
He looked at me quizzicaly and asked why.
I explained that my ex boyfriend had some ED issues and a friend had sent me a sample to perhaps try. But I still had the sample because my boyfriend didn’t really know there were any issues and so they went unused as I never brought it up.
Fox said “wait a minute. You told me your ex couldn’t talk about it and here I am asking you and you’re reluctant to talk about it?”
I said “well, it’s not that, but I don’t have enough experience with your penis yet. But if you ‘ve noticed a difference I think you should try it out”.
And that was that. Shortly afterwards I had to leave to pick up Liam. My brother was (literally) passed out on my couch snoring, having not made it upstairs to Liam’s room to sleep. I wasn’t going to see Fox for a week unless we managed to coordinate our schedules. It was frustrating trying to get to know someone better when you can’t see them all that often. But I will persevere!