Mr Fox and I had three dates in three days. We had not had sex although he’d given me an orgasm.
I completely forgot something important in my last post. When I asked him to come upstairs to my bedroom, I paused and realized I might have to explain my bruises. So I pulled away from our kissing, looked him in the eyes and said:
“If you come upstairs with me, you may see my ass. Which means I need to tell you about something you are going to see. I am very bruised.
I’ve been exploring my sexuality and one thing I was curious about was my submission, in particular being “beaten” as it’s unfortunately called. So this past Friday night I met a Dom at this sex club and he had me on a St. Andrew’s Cross – do you know what that is? – and I was naked in front of an audience and he beat me. And I liked it.”
I paused and looked at him, questioning. He paused then said: “that is so fucking hot.”
And he proceeded to show me how hot he thought it was.
Later when he had me on my bed, he stopped kissing me for a moment and said: “Oh Ann…aren’t the men lined up around the block for you?” To which I said “not the ones I want.”
Three dates in, I still found him handsome. He doesn’t mind that I have some kinks. This is huge for me. He appreciates the whole package that is me, and frankly that’s even bigger.
There is no doubt in my mind he is really into me. He says things like:
Which feels fantastic.
Two of my close female friends swear it’s way better to find a man who’s more into you than you are into him. They both have amazing marriages (one is famous on this blog for their “five of seven” rule) so perhaps there is something to it.
I am not used to this. I’ve had my share of emotionally (or just generally) unavailable men. My internal debate is whether someone being into me is actually a turn off. It’s not a pattern I’m familiar with, and it throws me off more than anything. It’s not what I’m used to.
I don’t stop liking men because they are into me, but when I think of the ones who were really into me who I also broke up with, it was generally because they were into me way too soon. In a “let’s accelerate this relationship” way, which is a big red flag. While I can get excited about chemistry with someone really quickly, and see amazing potential with a man, I’m not going to really start thinking about someone as long term boyfriend material until I’ve seen them angry, stressed, seen how they talk to their mother, etcetera.
A big difference after three dates with Fox? I didn’t feel any of that internal yearning or being off kilter when I’m not sure how someone feels. For example, I wasn’t hyper aware when there was a pause between texts.
I felt calm. Calm is unusual. I’m not sure if calm is boredom…it’s hard for me to tell the difference.
Fox and I had a date coming up on Sunday for dinner. I was going to be kid free and while we had to work the next day, it was the next available opportunity. He kept joking it was our first date since it was originally said I would first be free.
I guess we technically had sex on the first date, by that measurement. But it was actually date number four.
I think waiting that long may be a new record.
When he showed up at my door we both understood that sex was on the agenda ahead of dinner out. He still took forever to get around to it. Sometimes I just want a put-me-up-against-a wall-and-fuck fucking. This was not one of those times. I know he’s learning my body and desires and figure he will get there.
He is quite skilled with his hands and mouth. No complaints. He’s still a bit gentle at times. But he stood at attention at the right time and I climbed on top of him and I’m not sure how he managed this feat, but I was able to have not one but two full body orgasms in short successions. For the record, I never managed one with Tony. They are the only orgasm that knocks me out – for about 15 minutes – before I want more. I told him that. He was pleased.
He had been worried about it being his first time in a long time. I didn’t see why he was worried. But he did fumble quite a bit with the condom. I felt like we were teenagers.
We laid in bed and talked for a bit. I asked him why he never asked me anything and he said he preferred information to come out organically. I told him I interpreted it as lack of interest. And as I write this, I realize the other thing I find different is he doesn’t share a lot of stories about himself.
We went for dinner and – despite trying to not have the ghost of Tony on every date with me, I couldn’t help but think how different conversations are with him, or even my old ex boyfriend I’d seen for drinks earlier that week.
Back home at my place, we had a second round of sex that did end in a few minutes. He apologised profusely and I said all the right things about not caring.
I do believe these things can get better. But I do find myself wondering whether this lack of deep yearning is a good or bad thing…