Fox and I had our nice overnight sporting event date. That morning we slept in, fooled around, I made us lattes and we drank them in bed. Then he had to leave since Liam was being dropped off by my Mom fairly early.
A few hours after he left, we had the following text exchange:
I didn’t say anything else on the topic, and didn’t think much else of it. He knew I was with Liam for the rest of the day, and I went to my friend Katharine’s for an early dinner and hang out with our kids.
But then a few hours later I see the following text message:
What the hell?
One of the benefit of hanging out with your close girlfriends is they can help you figure out what to say. I was peeved but Katharine reminded me he’s probably insecure and needs to know how I feel. Our other friend was more aligned to me and found the text to be rather petulant.
So I said:
I decided, with some coaching, to leave it at that and to not respond right away to his response. After I got home and got Liam to bed, I said:
The next morning I hadn’t heard back, but it’s not unusual that he goes to sleep early. I decided to just send a text that didn’t refer to the prior conversation and move on. Things were fine throughout the day but I did wonder what I would say on our date. I don’t feel like I’m in a position to be spontaneously volunteering information.
I realized this must be what guys feel like when a woman suddenly (in his eyes) wants to talk about “the future” or his feelings or otherwise get things pinned down. I have no fucking clue! I’m just starting to get to know him, there are things I like and things I don’t, yet here I am being backed into a corner where I have few options.
I don’t want to promise exclusivity quite yet. If I told him he’s the only one for me, then I’d a) be lying and b) setting myself up to be unfaithful.
Nor do I want to tell him I don’t want it. It’s not that I don’t like him; it’s just not the right time yet. I hid my profiles because I want to have the time to see where things go. I didn’t need to fill my pipeline, and yes I did call off a few other hangers on, but I wanted to leave some room for other sexual flexibility.
Yes, it did make me think about how early I had the exclusivity conversation with Tony, and what may have also been going through his mind at the time.
I have a new found appreciation for trying to stay chill for a while until you really get a sense for where someone is at and the kind of person they are. It’s absolutely 100% not what I used to do. I know I’ve written about this before but I have no idea which post it was. Basic premise was I used to need to have everything sorted and categorized, even when I wasn’t so sure how I felt about the other person.
So no, it’s not just because I haven’t instantly fallen in love with Fox that I’m able to have this perspective. In the past, I would become all consumed about whether he liked me and as a result, stop focussing on my actual feelings. Here I am, really taking some time to see what things are like with him and decide whether there is real potential, before I make a major move about being exclusive or any such thing.
I just hope I can articulate it well on our date, ensuring he knows I do enjoy being with him and see some potential, without making promises I don’t intend to keep.
Wish me luck!