What's old is new again 3 | When sexual dysfunction means you bail

I saw the Cook online earlier this week and confess to saying to myself “oh you’re single again are you? That’s karma you fucking jerk.”

I’m usually more gracious, but given the history, not so much. I wasn’t following my dating rules then. I suppose I should have known better. It was too bad – he’s one of the ones where I think if I’d approached dating him a little differently, perhaps there would have been a different outcome.

But of course, another man from my past showed up, this time on OK Cupid. I never wrote about him but he is #41 on my Men I’ve Slept With list.

I guess I don’t harbour as much resentment toward him as I’m pretty sure he was mortified he couldn’t keep it up and that’s why he never contacted me again.

Here was our exchange:

IMG_5041 IMG_5042 IMG_5044 IMG_5045

I share this not because I had some great zinger to share, but I found it hilarious that he reached out again. Do guys really not remember that they were douchebags? I knew who he was just by his screen name (and then the date description).

Anyway, that was the end of the conversation. Funnily enough…I still have another “what’s old is new” story to share….but the pace is slowing!

27 thoughts on “What's old is new again 3 | When sexual dysfunction means you bail

  1. Amazing, these guys should be on National Geographic: the can do a brain scan and perhaps you would see some tumbleweed float by. Is it stupidity at its peak or is it selective amnesia. Whatever you call it, it’s still a douche.

    • I’m sure women disappear as well, but I can only speak to my experience with men. I was a bit surprised he evaporated…but better than some others in the grand scheme of things!

  2. I didn’t follow you at the time so I don’t know exactly what happened. I’ve done things I’m not particularly proud of in the past two years (though not many but one caught up with me last week, awkward moment I haven’t had time to write about yet…). So I won’t say he was a douchebag, unless he promised you a great relationship, then either made hurtful comments or picked up and left without a word after a few good weeks… Probably just someone who didn’t know what he wanted nor how to get it, someone not much different from me :-/

    Though I’m happy that these instances from the past are becoming fewer as time goes by… πŸ™‚

      • I can’t speak for this (or any guy), but I would have to believe that it was a huge blow to his psyche and that he was already it a bad place emotionally having been so recently removed from his relationship. I can imagine that he was messed up and couldn’t keep things straight in his head and probably shouldn’t have been dating.

        His conversation (above) seems less than that of the many douchebags that you routinely encounter online (and even in person). The disappearance is not cool, but I wouldn’t be so quick to judge him harshly for what was most likely a very dark period for him.

        Your’s truly,

        (often) Swallowed by the darkness

        • I don’t disagree Will, and that’s actually why we had the kind of conversation we did. I felt sorry for him but still think in this case he shouldn’t have evaporated, even if I understood why he could have.

          • Pain is a difficult thing to deal with. I am suffering through a shitload of my own. I know that I am not right in communicating with others and I am probably hard to read. I am fighting the urge to shut down. I think that because of what I am battling that I can see with a bit more clarity what this guy was going through and how easy it was for him to slip away (not that I agree with his tactic). You definitely don’t deserve that treatment and I can’t imagine how that made you feel.

      • I know about the full evaporation and how hurtful it is. Suffered through it at age 16 with my first long term boyfriend. I’m still trying to recover from it.
        No actually, I think I have recovered, mostly.
        I realized that that hurt was the reason I was struggling so much with bad communication, with not hearing from someone for days.
        Now, someone, who doesn’t communicate daily, managed to make me feel important still… so I am healing from that old wound πŸ™‚

  3. My guess would be that he wasn’t /isn’t a douchebag, but like you said, after his bedroom fail he was embarrassed. He obviously enjoyed your company and remembered you. He thought that after waiting two years you might have forgotten the dysfunction but remembered the personality.

    • I did remember the personality which I liked – but he was also not seemingly ready to date. I wondered whether he would ask me out again. I would probably have given him a second chance – maybe for a drink, so I could make an early escape if needed!

    • Yes, IT failed him, at a really bad time. Likely alcohol and nerves. So I’m sure that’s partly what it was. Or he wasn’t ready. Or he wasn’t that into me… when someone doesn’t tell you, it’s hard to know!! But it’s also why I wasn’t all that harsh with him… despite not liking the evaporation, I had compassion for the guy.

  4. It personally has been my experience that guys really don’t remember that they were douchebags, and try their luck a second time. My friend had this advice for me: “The thing about men; once you leave them alone, they always come back.”

    And that really was exactly it.

    One of my flings, who treated me like he couldn’t wait for me to leave at the end, messaged me on facebook out of the blue after seeing me in my Halloween costume. I was positive and cheery, but all the time I couldn’t help but think “Really? REALLY??”.

    Of course this doesn’t apply to all men, but it does seem to be a significant trait.

    • Oh yes, I have many stories like this one! My Mom told me ages ago one of the reasons that men won’t ever say “thanks but no thanks” is because they don’t want to shut a door. And this could be why!

      Literally as I’m typing this a guy reached out to me who I went on one date with!

  5. Douche-bag maneuver, yes
    Due to embarrassment, absolutely
    Blog Post worthy, Definitely…

    i was willing cut him a little slack until the end of text exchange.
    “…Things are good now”
    then he follows up with “…Better anyway”.
    Seriously, is he trying to play a sympathy card?!? Now I still think he’s douche.

    Anyway, I liked your ending text back, although the first thing I thought was a snarky : “Good for you!”

    • I think he has no idea how to communicate with me – he’s reached out to me again but as in this post, he’s not done anything with it, not even in a casual “hey might you be interested in connecting again over a drink”? So I just want to say “why the heck do you keep talking to me?”

What do you think?