My second date in two nights was with a man I met on Plenty of Fish. He fit my dating rules and after some exchanges on the site, we moved to text. Within a couple of days he asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink, and we were both free the next day.
Like the Accountant, this guy is a quality dude. He’s been divorced for several years, has worked his way through short-term flings and longer relationships, tried long distance, realised he wasn’t emotionally ready, took time for himself and also to focus on his teenaged children.
He’s exactly my height, which isn’t my preference but it’s way less important to me at this point. He’s attractive, even if he’s not the type to stop me dead in my tracks. He could carry a conversation. He had a sparkle in his eye. In stark contrast to the topics with the accountant, we started off talking mostly about relationships, horror stories, and what we wanted.
The internal checklist in my head was constantly being checked. He said all the right things. The things that are important to him are similar to mine.
Passion is on that list.
He wants someone who has a life but can make room for him. He wants a good communicator. Wants someone who will dream with him and who likes to learn new things. He wants someone who is fun.
Overall, there are no red flags with this one. There was the spark of chemistry – not insanely strong, but it was there. I’m thinking about a post only on chemistry – what its components are and why we feel it with some and not others. To come.
I wanted him to kiss me, to see how it felt. To touch my arm. He didn’t. I got a hug goodbye.
And I thought of Hy, who recently wrote about a date where she realized there are men who like her as more than a sexual plaything. It’s a little…jarring. In a good way.
This man was polite and gentlemanly and I’m sure wouldn’t think of trying to get laid on the first date at this point in his dating life. I think he had a good time; I was the one that said “oh I do need to get going; I have work still to do tonight”.
Of course, I had moments where all I could think about was Tony. Either because I thought “wow wouldn’t it be great if Tony was in this mental place” or, admittedly, a comparison of the chemistry Tony and I had on our first date. Which I know is a completely unfair comparison. It didn’t diminish the date at all – it was an observation, nothing more. It would be great to find that again, but I know it’s unlikely.
We’ve shared polite post-date thank you’s.
Neither he nor the accountant have asked me out again. I will give them both a second date if they ask. I have a third date set up for this week and another in the works. Four first dates. Sounds like a movie.
The good news is these are quality guys. There are no games, no BS. But I also know I’m quickly reaching my max capacity of men I’m engaging. I’m going to mix up my stories or forget to email one of them or do something that will backfire. So I have to pause and let this crew work its way through my system.