My well rounded second first date 

My second date in two nights was with a man I met on Plenty of Fish. He fit my dating rules and after some exchanges on the site, we moved to text. Within a couple of days he asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink, and we were both free the next day.

Like the Accountant, this guy is a quality dude. He’s been divorced for several years, has worked his way through short-term flings and longer relationships, tried long distance, realised he wasn’t emotionally ready, took time for himself and also to focus on his teenaged children.

He’s exactly my height, which isn’t my preference but it’s way less important to me at this point. He’s attractive, even if he’s not the type to stop me dead in my tracks. He could carry a conversation. He had a sparkle in his eye. In stark contrast to the topics with the accountant, we started off talking mostly about relationships, horror stories, and what we wanted.

The internal checklist in my head was constantly being checked. He said all the right things. The things that are important to him are similar to mine.

Passion is on that list.

He wants someone who has a life but can make room for him. He wants a good communicator. Wants someone who will dream with him and who likes to learn new things. He wants someone who is fun.

Overall, there are no red flags with this one. There was the spark of chemistry – not insanely strong, but it was there. I’m thinking about a post only on chemistry – what its components are and why we feel it with some and not others. To come.

I wanted him to kiss me, to see how it felt. To touch my arm. He didn’t. I got a hug goodbye.

And I thought of Hy, who recently wrote about a date where she realized there are men who like her as more than a sexual plaything. It’s a little…jarring. In a good way.

This man was polite and gentlemanly and I’m sure wouldn’t think of trying to get laid on the first date at this point in his dating life. I think he had a good time; I was the one that said “oh I do need to get going; I have work still to do tonight”.

Of course, I had moments where all I could think about was Tony. Either because I thought “wow wouldn’t it be great if Tony was in this mental place” or, admittedly, a comparison of the chemistry Tony and I had on our first date. Which I know is a completely unfair comparison. It didn’t diminish the date at all – it was an observation, nothing more. It would be great to find that again, but I know it’s unlikely.

We’ve shared polite post-date thank you’s.

Neither he nor the accountant have asked me out again. I will give them both a second date if they ask. I have a third date set up for this week and another in the works. Four first dates. Sounds like a movie.

The good news is these are quality guys. There are no games, no BS. But I also know I’m quickly reaching my max capacity of men I’m engaging. I’m going to mix up my stories or forget to email one of them or do something that will backfire. So I have to pause and let this crew work its way through my system.

31 thoughts on “My well rounded second first date 

  1. I met a guy online once and all he tried on the first date was a hug. And the second date, too. Four years later, we’re still together! It’s nice to find a gentleman!

  2. You should use something like Microsoft Access to build a database that’ll help you keep track of who is who or even an Excel spreadsheet – and I’m not poking fun at you by saying this. When you need help organizing things, get the tools that’ll help you do it easier than burning your brain out.

    Yeah, surprise, surprise – some of us, when we date you, don’t want to jump your bones right after you finish your first-date chocolate mousse. Tell me something, if you will: Which approach works best with you, the “bad boy I’m gonna nail you in every room of your house twice” kind of guy or the “my mom raised me right and taught me to respect women and then I can nail her in every room of her house three times” kind of guy?

    So, um, if you wanted him to kiss you, why didn’t you just ask him to kiss you? Duh! I mean, that does work, you know, because some of us don’t take hints very well and we sure as hell can’t read minds. Oh… perhaps you were worried that he’d think you were being forward, maybe overeager for something more, or something like that and you didn’t want to leave him with a bad impression?

    I don’t know how many times I’ve taken a woman out, been on my very best behavior (despite what I was thinking), get her home and go home myself, only to have her call and ask me why I didn’t kiss her when I dropped her off! Shit, I wanted to… but y’all don’t always react well to such things.

    Women… sheesh.

    • Or, Google Drive. One can build a simple data-entry form that feeds into a spreadsheet. It can be quick and painless. The forms can append data to ensure that post – date notes are easily captured. It can be used to create joins for comparisons and analysis on the fly…right in her iPhone. Good call!

    • Hey now!

      In the middle of a first date, because I felt the connection, I leaned in and kissed they guy. Then outside in front of his car we made out like crazy. Said our goodbyes, he made me promise we’d go paddle boarding together that weekend and then boom. He never returned my text messages. Maybe he didn’t like me coming on too strong?

      Men… sheesh! 😉

    • Word press ate my first response to this. I wasn’t upset that he didn’t kiss me and for sure I would prefer someone who is a gentleman and can see me as more than just a sexual creature.

      I didn’t ask because I don’t really think in this case I should have. I wanted to see how he would respond. Perhaps he didn’t kiss me because he didn’t like me enough. Perhaps he thought I might find it too forward. Who knows!

      And while sure, I’m all about the databases and being organized, I know if I’ve reached the point I can’t keep them straight…the solution isn’t more organization, it’s fewer men 🙂

  3. I always find it shocking when people have success online. I have tried the online route a couple of times and usually they turn out to be sleeze balls looking for a woman who will support them in some way (I am not kidding) or just looking for sex. One of my friends recently told me that perhaps I should join one of the higher paid dating sites because if a guy pays they might take it a little more seriously. So I did. It was a headache to pick one, but I narrowed it down to eHarmony and Match.com. It was really difficult to choose but I went with eharmony because they have a “patented” system that creates more successful matches than any other. Well I really don’t understand how it works and most of my matches, according to them, don’t really match but “I might like them anyway” according to them. Not very encouraging. Before I paid I read some profiles and they seemed like there was a good selection but I could not see their photos until I paid. After I paid, OMG I thought I was looking through a gallery of ax murderers, psychos and pedophiles. I thought maybe its just me being way too picky so I asked a couple of friends to take a look without telling them my impression and they said the same thing. But there were one or two that had interesting profiles and looked okay so I sent an ice breaker but they did not respond. it is a headache to find the right guy. Feel blessed you live in a place where there are some good options. Good luck in your search.

    • Perhaps it is that I live in a place where there is some volume. Not sure. But I like online because while you don’t get to see if you have chemistry, you can learn more about a person sometimes than meeting them in a bar.

      But that’s crappy about your experiences. I never found match.com to be all that much better. Did you try OK Cupid?

What do you think?