My longest post is the list of men I've slept with.

[Update: This really should be called “men I’ve had sex with…if sex means penis in vagina”…because as some people pointed out, “sleep with” is a dopey euphemism. And there are more I engaged in sexual acts with, but not fucked. I guess I’ve used a Bill Clinton definition.”

Some of you may recall a series of posts I wrote when I was dating Johnny Id. They listed every man I’d ever slept with. It was rather nerve wracking to put the number out there, but this is a pretty slut-positive place and most people were quite nice about it.

I got to thinking I hadn’t really kept up the list since Johnny and I broke up. So tonight, I sat down to create a page from the three original posts and then update it.

Turns out, my feeling like I slowed down after Johnny was actually true. I was choosier and slept with just a handful of men between Johnny and Tony (a few were repeats from earlier days).

But hilariously, in the three weeks Tony and I were on our break, I racked up several more. It should be noted it was a real break, with discussion of ensuring condom usage and all that. This wasn’t a “Friends” episode.

I suppose having two nights at a sex club will do that to a girl.

If you are curious about my sexual history, you can read the whole sordid list on my “Men I’ve slept with” page. Oh, andΒ  the number? 83. Yikes.


92 thoughts on “My longest post is the list of men I've slept with.

  1. I think I would probably not count the men at the sex club. At least not the ones I didn’t particularly interact with. Wrong word. Not sure ‘notice’ would be any better… what I’m trying to say is: some of the people who touched me or even fingered me, I didn’t even see… couldn’t count *those*!
    But now you’re making me wonder about myself! I just may start my own list!

    • I just wrote mine briefly. I get to 21, 20 of them in the past two and a half years and 12 in swinger’s clubs ;-)…
      Yes, that does bump up the number quite a lot!
      Aside from these two fun nights, I’m essentially monogamous πŸ˜‰

        • Well, I had a slightly different definition of monogamy in mind. It didn’t have to do with how many men were in my bed at the same time, but really about how many men I was considering ‘dating’ at once. Note that the number of these guys would probably be different from the number of men in my list πŸ™‚

          • Well, I did cheat on my ex with my FWB, so I guess that’s when I would say my non-strictly monogamous days started. Then there was a one night stand when I had just started my relationship with G, but that was before we even really acknowledged that we had a relationship. After that, there was my ‘3 men in a day’ episode, then the African, with encouragements from the Dancer… I guess I was less monogamous than you then πŸ˜‰

          • Wouldn’t say that exactly, I’ve done my share of things that would probably upset my partners had they known. I’ve written about most, but not all, of those things.

          • It’s important for me to continue to explore how I can value being so honest but yet find ways to justify things I know I shouldn’t have done. Not very often, just a couple of times (one of which I wrote about), but I find it interesting…

          • Yes, I do understand that. I still have a weird feeling about my 3 men in a day thing, even though I don’t think there was expectations for me to be exclusive with any of these guys. It’s always important to explore why we did what we did, that way, if we don’t like it, we can change the outcome next time. A bit like you did with the guy on OKC (or whichever dating site) yesterday πŸ™‚

  2. My 58 partners puts me at the 94th percentile of men my age. Keep in mind that I was a virgin when Veronica and I met and we opened our marriage 7 years ago πŸ™‚ #manwhore

  3. “Slut-postitive” is in itself derogatory. This is a sex-positive space, and people who do what they enjoy safely, sanely, and consensually should in no way be ashamed of it or be considered sluts (be it in a “positive” or negative manner).

    I’m sorry I’ve been quiet for this long. I’ve been reading, but had no good advice to offer on the Tony situation. I’ve no doubt he has real feelings for you, but unless he acts on them, he’s not much good to you or anyone else. I think you’ve handled the situation as well as possible.

    • Yes, you are absolutely right. I’ve used the term “promiscuous” with my therapist and she said I should just say I’m “highly sexual”.

      And no apologies for being quiet. It’s nice to know you’ve been reading πŸ™‚

      Thank you for the comment about Tony. There’s no doubt in my mind either that he has strong feelings for me. But as you say, he has to act on them when we’re not together.

    • In the comments I mention which were threesomes… there have been only a few (one after high school, one in university, then one with Andrew & Jason). Sex clubs are easy because the first time I went it was just me and Ariel. The stuff the last couple of weeks has been the first time I’d had group sex.

      And yes, I know how many were one night stands. But I don’t count them up… I do often mention it though in the comments.

      Honestly, many of the one night stands I didn’t intend to be as such. So I would be parsing them further emotionally, which seems rather pointless. Just shows sometimes I’m either really horny or a bad judge of who likes me for more than sex.

  4. I guess I’m the opposite end of the spectrum. I think I’ve slept with, maybe, five girls? Six? Lots of chances but too timid to capitalize on them. I mourn the lost opportunities but probably saved myself (and others) a world of agony. I paid for an abortion once. That knocked me off my game for a few years.

        • If I may butt in… I disagree with that last statement.
          If you are happy with the people you had sex with, then who is to say that this is too many or too few?
          What counts is whether you were satisfied with the people you shared that part of your life with, no matter how long or short it lasted.
          If you ask me, I would have happily had only one partner, but the fact he abused me instead of respecting me (and I let him)… it wasn’t a satisfying relationship in the end.
          Out of all the men I slept with, only 4 really count. Maybe 5. See, much closer to what you experienced πŸ˜‰
          The other encounters, in my case, where more ways to satisfy some fantasies or served to highlight what I didn’t want. That’s all. And I hope (and see through some blogging friends) that it’s not something everyone *has* to experience in their life to feel fulfilled!

          Don’t regret what didn’t happen, there is nothing you can do to change it any more, and you wouldn’t be who you are if you had had those experiences.
          Just make sure whatever comes in the future will lead to no more regrets πŸ™‚

          (again, sorry for butting in)

          • I’m on thin ice here but I’ll tread as lightly as I can. You are looking at this from a uniquely female perspective. Guys deal in numbers. For men, more is always better and I get that. I wish my misty, watercolored memories were more diverse. And there’s something to be said for satisfying some fantasies.

          • I understand. At least, I can try. After all, I’m not male πŸ˜‰
            But I must say… I never quite adhered to the notion that men are supposed to behave one way, women another. Like some men discovered lately, I am unashamed of liking what I like, and if you ask me questions, I’ll answer them if I feel like it, without feeling shameful. Which is not considered very feminine I guess, and which they misconstrued as meaning I was easy…
            I think human nature is more complicated that what society (particularly North American society if I may add) wants us to conform to. So you are allowed to be a male and not look for more numbers.
            At least, that doesn’t make you less of a male in my book.
            What counts at the end of the road, is whether you were happy with your life.
            So if YOU regret not having had more partners, then I’m sorry for you. Never too late to start? Or discuss, consider it?
            If you only have regrets because society says men should have lots of partners… then I say you shouldn’t regret a thing!
            Does what I’m trying to say make sense to you?

          • I couldn’t give a rats ass what societal expectations and definitions are. I wish I’d had more lovers because it would have made for a more colorful past. Alas, it was not to be and my life is poorer for it.

          • But your life may be richer for other things? More time devoted to someone/something else?
            The positive I see in your reply is that you don’t give a rat’s ass about societal norms. That’s a good place to start πŸ˜‰
            Your life isn’t over yet. And only you can (decide to) change it…
            Right. I’ll stop with my silly words now.
            Hugs to allieviate some of the pain…

          • I appreciate that but there’s no pain at all! None! Regret doesn’t always translate into pain. I didn’t have many lovers, but I also never have unwanted children, V.D. (or worse), relationships based on sex that dissolved when the sex became dull, etc., etc.

          • Well, exactly what I meant in my second comment.
            You may not have had many lovers, but you were satisfied with the ones you had.
            On a deeper level than mere sex.
            I say that’s reason to rejoice, not to regret πŸ˜‰

        • I have seen your back-and-forth with Dawn so no intent to repeat that… but there are so many things that are different, it really depends what kind of journey you are on.

          I have very few regrets, which may come as a surprise given how long my list is. And it’s only those men who I really didn’t want all that much and still, had sex with them.

          Which is a worse regret? Knowing you did something that may have done damage, or always wondering what would have happened?

          We can debate it over drinks and that pity f*ck you mentioned. Whoops…did I just say that? πŸ˜‰

What do you think?