I got nothing for ya this Sunday. Except a few ramblings.

I was thinking of creating a page on my blog called “texts and emails I didn’t send to Tony“. Because I have moments where I want to tell him something, or am just thinking about him, and it would be helpful to have an outlet.

For example…it’s been raining here, and we both love the sound of the rain while laying in bed together. I miss that. I went to get my hair cut and noticed my hair dresser uses the same phrase over and over again, just like Tony does. I was at a party last night (Liam was my date) and had asked Tony if he wanted to go. There was a concert in the person’s living room and sat there thinking of how much he would like it.

Of course, there are so many other things as well.

A few people have commented that I don’t seem as in love with Tony as I was with Johnny Id. Of course, every relationship is different, but I have come to some conclusions about the difference in how I felt about the two of them. I’m not sure I can write about it here without sounding like I’m playing revisionist history with my relationship with Johnny.

But, you can at the very least take my word for it that despite Tony’s inability toΒ do the things I needed him to do, there are things about who he was, and the journey he is on, that I very much love.

I’ve returned to both OK Cupid and POF. The latter is where I met Tony, and he was the only person in my “favourites” list. So of course, I can see when he’s online. The first time I logged in and saw he was online the same time was a bit of a jolt. It felt weird. Yes, I know I shouldn’t look – but really? How can you not?!

But then I had an ah-ha moment… him being online is GREAT. First, because he needs to date. Lots of first dates. Hopefully all mediocre. Second, because the moment he’s no longer online, it could mean that he’s found someone worth getting offline for. Of course it could mean nothing, but it did help me re-frame how I thought about things.

I have a first date tomorrow after work. Just like last Fall, I’ve decided to focus on quality of men. I’ve ignored the majority of messages I’m receiving – I look at their profiles and if they want anything other than a relationship, I don’t care how hot they are. I’m also now wary of anyone who isn’t fully divorced. Or who can’t spell. Or who has spent no time on his profile.

Within literally one minute of my unhiding my OKC profile, a 55 year-old Accountant reached out to me. We are a 96% match, he’s polite, and he’s interesting. So he will have the pleasure of my company for an hour after work tomorrow. I probably won’t mention my gangbang on the first date.

41 thoughts on “I got nothing for ya this Sunday. Except a few ramblings.

  1. That has got to be tough to see Tony online, even if it might mean that he’s going to realize he’s not going to find anyone better than you out there.
    I think not mentioning the gangbang on the first date is a good plan, unless it just comes up in conversation. You never know. Hope your date is refreshing.

    • It was hard. I got over it, but it was definitely weird. Of course I wonder if he looks me up at all – friends say guys just aren’t the same and it probably hasn’t occurred to him.

      But I totally know he has to date. Clearly, he needed to date even when he told me he didn’t.

      I’m trying to remain open that I might have quite a lovely time with my Monday date. I realized this afternoon that he’s 18 years older than Tony. Which made me giggle. I doubt gangbangs will come up in conversation but as you say, you never know!!

  2. Thanks so much for the laugh at this fact, “Or who can’t spell.” C’mon…I spell like shit when I type. Especially if I’m drinking or familiar enough not to care but on a profile…words should be correct. Have fun.

    • Happy to make you laugh…sense you needed it?

      And yeah, I’m not a stickler on chat or text or sure, when drunk. I mean, of course… but sure, to not double check on a profile where you know you are being judged? To me, it just means they don’t care enough.

      I’ve already got a bunch of funny experiences just from a few days. Online dating really is comical.

          • Not sure if this answers your questions, but as you may know from some of my older stories, I’ve really changed my approach to dating. At first I was willing to engage pretty much anyone who paid attention to me – because the attention felt good. And I wasn’t being picky about who I was sleeping with. I was also reaching out to men before they reached out to me – and dealing with the hurt when they never responded.

            Last fall it was different, and now I’m taking the same approach – I don’t reach out to men first (even though it feels archaic). I will only respond to those that truly seem like good matches (which means I ignore hot 25 year olds …been there, done that). I stop texting them if they don’t ask to meet within a week. I don’t sext them at all before meeting them in person. I always meet for a quick coffee or drink for a first date because there is no way to gauge chemistry. If they seem to not be into me, I don’t keep texting them…and see what happens.

            So I don’t get as much “action” but I’m okay with that. Because as we are talking about on your blog, I’ve got other things going on as well. Like mad men episodes πŸ™‚

            But perhaps most importantly I don’t take myself too seriously. And I know I have an outlet for all the dumb / funny / douchebaggy things that happen to me – this blog – which makes it better some days.

            Does that answer your question?

          • Yes. Thank you so much. I know you read The Knight’s blog too. I’m seeing the possibility of fun but to tell you the truth, I need more patience. I don’t think I’d blog about it unless it was unusual or funny or irritating. : ) I read Hy’s blog but here, it’s a small enough complex. As long as he’s out of sight and out of mind. I don’t have to see anyone really. I guess I could start trolling the hallways to be the weird lady. Maybe around Halloween. haha

          • I do read Mr. Knight and have disagreed with him vehemently on and off blog about some of his black & white approaches and his categorizations. I am clearly a “fun time” girl and therefore I believe, good for nothing else but f*cking in his estimation…despite his reading my blog πŸ™‚

            Sadly I do know men are like this. Those who learn about my appetites and likes who are able to continue to see the whole me are the exception.

            I had to get back into dating fast because I was so needy of reassurance that I was attractive and sexy and worthy of attention. And I really wanted to get my mojo back. So I engaged in bad dating behaviours because those things were my priority.

            But now my priorities have changed.

            I have heard many women express reticence for dating because they fear rejection etc…, which for sure happens, there’s no question. But some fun stuff happens too. I think once you know you can laugh off the BS (at least most of the time), it is valuable to go out there and realize you are wanted and desired.

            And halloween sounds like a great time to troll for fun neighbors πŸ™‚

          • Mr Knight is not your gauge or anyone else’s but he has his right to think as he does. He seems genuinely out for love and I hope he has it. Some men like to fit us into categories and just as with ourselves, our own fears come out with what we say. You know as I’m sure he does that if his girlfriend was as “fun “as she is now to him… well and not a damn secret spy! , he’d be in love and forget his old outlook. What kind of woman does that for 4 years? I can’t understand that kind of control? insecurity?, That had to be devastating and he does get a lot of bizarre, dates, no?? Do you have guys putting up photos that don’t look like them too?

          • I know he’s not my gauge which is probably why it makes me a bit batty – I want to yell “but I’m different!!” and of course, anyone’s natural response is “oh…sure you are” lol.

            I know that categorizing can help. I’m not above it, because I’ve had so many experiences that now I say “oh you did this, it means X” when sometimes that’s not the case.

            I do get guys putting up pics that don’t look like them, but I’m pretty good at spotting older / inconsistent pictures so it tends to not get to the dating stage. But one time I met someone like that and it ended really well… here’s the post if you want to read it: http://wp.me/p3SI98-s

          • OK I will. Thanks He does get mislead. I’m feeling bad for the guy. Istarted to get irked by the categorization of women who go after married men to get over on the wife. (who the hell does that?! Or how he said those women want to just get the man – like Catch and Release fishing! I just thought – What a damn waste of time. In my opinion, those would be self gratifying women out for their own ego to be fed. I let him in on the self-protecting, emotionally unavailable but fun loving type, no committment type. ; ) Hey – you know what you are and what you aren’t. He hasn’t met anyone that is similar to me yet. Just saying, so he hasn’t yet met someone like you – maybe Career Girl without the health issue? You’re a blondie too! Any trip to London planned?? : )

  3. Well, I totally understand the first part. I get the reasoning behind the “he’s online” thing. I just wish that you would not think about the fact that, when he’s not… As you said when you broke up: if he finds someone else, it means that you and him weren’t meant to be πŸ™‚
    As for the last part… yeah, maybe not on the first date πŸ˜‰

    • Intellectually I absolutely know that if he or I meet someone else that’s a better fit, obviously we weren’t meant to be. But it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt when it happens… especially because he couldn’t make an effort with me. Even if at some point I figured out he wasn’t the right guy for me, I was still willing to make an effort.

      Second date? You think? Lol…

      • Well, I am not exactly used to the North-American way of dating, so I may be off base, but… unless it comes up in conversation, this is not something I would tell anyone right away πŸ˜‰

        As for Tony… yes, it would probably hurt. Just like it did when I heard my ex had a new girlfriend.
        But you shouldn’t let it get to you: even if he manages to make the effort with someone else, it’s not because he didn’t want to with you, not because you weren’t worth making the effort, but because he is now in a place/at a time where/when he can do it. Always remember that whatever happens in his life, whoever is in it, it’s not that she is better, it’s just that the circumstances are different.
        And the fact that he is off-line doesn’t mean that he is in a happy relationship either, it may mean that he decided he needed time to figure things out, or it may mean that he is with someone, just like he was with you… not necessarily the best relationship, but maybe she doesn’t yet know how to respect herself and say what she needs. Or maybe she just communicates in different love languages than you do.
        So yes, the possibilities of this relationship were promising, and it’s sad that you won’t get to see how it could have unfurled further, But that’s life. That’s because it wasn’t the right time, or the right person.
        I know it hurts. Hugs.

        • Thank you Dawn. I will probably need you to remind me of these things when it happens and I’m crushed… when I realize for all of my saying that it’s such a small chance that anything will ever happen again between us, I’m full of shit and there’s a LOT of me that hopes it could happen.

          I know I’m just a week out, and it will change over time…but still.

          • Yes, a week is still raw feelings.
            Time is a great healer.
            And count on me to remind you whatever you want/need me to remind you πŸ˜‰

            I know exactly what you are saying about being full of shit… just like I think you were never completely honest on your blog about your feelings towards Tony, and that’s why so many people question them, even though it was just your way of protecting yourself.
            You can’t admit to something that you are trying to hide from yourself, can you?
            Alright… more hugs!

          • You TOTALLY had me pegged on that one. It’s really hard to admit to being in love with someone who’s not giving me what I need. And hard to explain. But yeah… it’s there, in a really different way than ever before.

            I’m decently good at admitting to those things… but this one was a doozy.

  4. Is there anything better than making love during a rainstorm?
    Man, the times I’ve had…
    Nuts, my glasses fogged up again….
    Never mind.

    Hang in there, Ann.
    This too shall pass.
    Your never-ending sexual exploration continues.

  5. Yeah, the hurtful thing would be finding out that he was with someone else who he did commit to, and did give the things he didn’t give you to, maybe better not to know!

    Hope you have a fun date!

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