He is a seeker, like me | Words from Ann's heart

Hi everyone. This is Ann’s heart wielding the keyboard right now. Not her head. While I do come out to play, I’m not usually allowed free rein here. I’m usually tightly bound by her analysis and her intellect.

But one of you said you didn’t think I was in love with Tony. And I knew I had to speak. So I’ve snuck out while she’s otherwise occupied. But I have to keep it short because she notices when I’m gone, now that she’s taken down the brick walls that used to surround me.

Ann told me I’m just one piece of what makes her want to be with someone. But when I went along on that first date with Tony, something happened – and it was all because of me – it was as if my partner-in-crime, my soul, sat up and started paying attention.

It said:

Hello, Tony, I SEE you. You KNOW me. We are the same and we connect on a level far deeper than what her brain has figured out.

Hello, Tony. You desirer of new things. Different things. More things. 

You are Just. Like. Me.

You see, I know Tony was thrown into his situation and it’s as if his behaviours and habits and tendencies haven’t allowed that beautiful seeker soul of his to be set free. I have advice to give his heart and soul about how to free ourselves from these reins. I have some experience with my boss, Ann’s brain, which is really good at analyzing things into oblivion.

I know Tony doesn’t know how to make it all happen. Doesn’t know how to start the journey he’s been dying to make. Everything from food to travel to fun to sex.

Me and the soul get him. My soul is like him. And I made Ann fall in love with him for this very reason. She tried and failed to thwart me.

It’s too bad Tony couldn’t get his shit together. He hurt my feelings.

But you know – perhaps this go round it’s not meant to be. I am curious how he makes out over the next few months. And how she does. Perhaps there’s another soul out there who will speak to me as deeply as Tony’s did.

No matter what, I hope to see him again: his beautiful soul. I will recognize him when I do.

Gotta go.

62 thoughts on “He is a seeker, like me | Words from Ann's heart

  1. You said something that strikes a major cord with me. I always tell my friend J “I’m looking for a man who recognizes my soul.” I thought I found him… But maybe not. Our stories are far from over my friend, you never know what life has in store for you. I hope it’s a happy ending better than your wildest imagination *big hug*

    • I wrote this post in transit today…I had a real clarity into how I could possibly feel the way I do, when there was all this other noise and bad behaviour and inability to meet my needs.

      And that’s what it was. It’s what attracted me to him from the very beginning. But it can’t outweigh the other stuff… especially when the seeker doesn’t know how to seek.

      I do know our stories are far from over. You are quite right about that. We never know what’s going to happen.

      And even when Ann St. Vincent is gone, I do believe my soul will continue on.

  2. Hello Ann’s Heart! This is Will’s brain.
    I think that I really like your posts. Will’s heart is not too dissimilar from you and yet Will let’s his heart run amok over me. You can see Will’s heart in his posts.

    Even I, Will’s small (in stature) brain can see that you drove Ann to fall in love with Tony. It doesn’t take a lot of intellectual power (fortunately for me) to see that.

    Anyway, you should post here more often, I hope that we will see you back soon!

    • Hi Will’s brain. It’s Ann here. I’ve decided to keep my heart’s post up because, well, it’s part of me. But not all of me. I’ve written enough from my brain’s perspective and figuring it was okay that heart snuck out and helped explain things.

      I will consider trying to be more balanced in future.

  3. Hey heart! You are so fucking awesome with all of your delicious feelings, exploratory cravings and energetic passion. Everyone knows you are by far the sexier of the two organs, but don’t forget that logical, reasonable, prudent and boring as fuck as the brain may be, you have a heart AND a mind for a reason. Always use BOTH!

  4. Oh. That made me cry. I have read many of your posts about Tony and I, too, felt you should have let him go long ago. But I get it. I am embroiled in a long-distance affair and this post speaks to how I feel about him. We can’t be together, but our souls know one another. It’s hard, and it hurts and I get it. I am so sorry.

    • Thank you Annabelle. And sorry about the crying thing.

      I was trying to help explain why it was so hard for me to say goodbye to him. And why I mourn his loss. There’s no question the behaviour and other shit was, well, shitty.

      If there wasn’t this other thing – what my heart talked about – then leaving sooner would have been easy.

      • It’s understandable. Some may doubt it’s love when there were things that drove you crazy, but I agree with your hearts point of view. It is hard to let go when your souls mate is not able to be where you need it to be.

  5. Ah yes, the heart knows what it wants but yet the mind also has to be 100% on board for the soul to be serene.

    Have you thought it may be the right person but not the right time? I tend to be a bit fatalistic about things like this, but that seems to be my experience. If it is meant to be, then it will be. If it isn’t, then it isn’t.

    You cannot force a square peg in a round hole. Well…you might if you applied enough pressure but then could you live with the damage that pressure caused?

    I knew my wife on and off for over a decade before the moment and connection was right. So perhaps for you……?

  6. Hello there, Ann’s heart…I am grateful (not as much as you, of course) that Ann has taken the wall down so that we could hear and feel your voice. It’s always there in some small, but important way…but I also understand how difficult it can be to compete with the ‘brain’…and Ann’s is so wonderfully engaging. All that said, I totally understand where you’ve been in all of this…I’ve felt your presence in the spaces between the brain’s words…you’ve warmed and made me smile at what has been there…the love, that is. And that, I know, is why this has not been so ‘black and white’…and just a bit messy and tearful. Hang in there, heart…that wall didn’t come down for nothin’.

  7. Dear Ann’s Heart:

    You’ll see a lot of other hearts and souls in the comments section that are going to give you big props for grabbing the keyboard, while her brain was off doing brain-things. Enjoy those comments as they are all well-intentioned and well-meaning from decent, evolved humans who recognize the heart-head conflict.

    She doesn’t need to know you sneak out for keyboard excursions in the off hours. We’ll just keep it entre-nous…

    Dave’s Heart

  8. Oh Ann’s heart – we are all so happy to have you come out to see us. We watched the last few weeks cautiously, hoping Tony would recognize what’s right in front of him and not mess with something so special and fragile. But, he hasn’t learned yet. Hopefully he will, one day. And hopefully Ann’s brain doesn’t build even higher walls….keep them down a bit if you can convince her. We like having you around and hearing your voice. Plus, I need a friend. Love, Mads heart

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