Broken up or on a break & my 78 day to-do list

Cara asked me if Tony and I had broken up or if we are on a break. It’s a fair question.

I have to think about it as a break up, from a brain / logic perspective. I need to move on, date, assume I will never again rest my head on his fuzzy chest. I need to try to notย think about what he’s doing or who he’s doing it with. I know some of his issues are situational but many are just who he is. He’s not worth the aggravation and pain and all that. And he probably doesn’t love me the way I think he does – inertia is strong with him and perhaps he just couldn’t be bothered saying he didn’t feel that way about me.

Therefore, a break up.


My heart, as you know from the post she wrote a few days ago, hopes for something different. She believes – or at least hopes – that souls can sort it all out. She hopes that most of what Tony is going through is situational. That he knows her soul and loves her. That he may go on dates (he should!) but will realize there is nobody else he’d rather be with. He will come back somewhat sortedย and ready to make an effort.

Therefore, a break.

If I was a statistics wonk I’d say I’m 75% breakup and 25% break today. I’m sure the stats will change over time.

I counted the days, out of curiosity. 78 until the last Friday in August. I know myself well enough that I will continue to keep that countdown in my head (not every day, but here and there), unless by some fate I really do meet someone perfect in the next two months. For the record I’m not expecting this or particularly seeking this. I don’t start every date wondering if they are “the one”.

I like deadlines. They motivate me and keep me focused. I like lists. I like accomplishments and being able to check things off a list. So this morning I wrote down the things I want to do by the end of the summer. August 28, to be precise. It’s also just before my 42nd birthday.

I am sharingย that list here, because I also know that telling people helps. Support is good, as is my inherent desire to avoid the shame of not meeting my goals.

I suppose it means I should report in on these things on a regular basis. Maybe once a week. Forgive me in advance if that makes for boring posts, but I need to keep myself honest and on track.

By August 28 I will:

  • Lose at least 10 lbs. My real goal is 18 but at the very least I want to fit into a particular suit and dress, and I know 2 lbs a week every week is not going to happen.
  • Buy a bike and ride it with Liam on weekends.
  • Sell the pile of Liam’s clothes that have been sitting in my office for months.
  • List and sell all of the wedding silver on eBay.
  • Settle on the dates for vacations with certain family friends.
  • Stop staying up too late during the week.
  • Start doing yoga again at home, at least once a week.
  • Go to the gym three times a week.
  • Book (and do!) the boudoir photo shoot I just bought on Groupon. Yes, again…I let the last one expire.
  • Have less owing on my line of credit.
  • Finalize my updated will and powers of attorney.
  • Book the meeting with the financial planner.

There might be more to add, but I try to be reasonable. If I can get this list tackled I will be a very happy person indeed.

I am working on keeping myself busy. No, not just with trolling OK Cupid and FetLife. This weekend I have plans with friends on Friday and Saturday nights. I have two drink dates with new men booked for Sunday and Tuesday, then have two nights with girlfriends already in my calendar.

Next weekend, I willย spend two nights with the one and only Hyacinth Jones. She and I are both in desperate need of a great girls weekend and I am beyond excited to be able to hang out with her.

The weekend after that I am away with Liam for a huge family reunion. Three weekends in July I have Saturday night plans already (although I need a date for July 25) and then the first two weeks of August I rented an ocean front property with Liam.

At least in this precise moment, I feel pretty good about keeping busy and being able to move on. And to getting my to-do list accomplished.

43 thoughts on “Broken up or on a break & my 78 day to-do list

  1. I love your list, Ann, probably because several of the items are twins on my own summer to-do or have been successfully checked off this year. My favorite is the bike and biking with Liam, because my kids and I have lots of good memories of biking and roller skaing on the weekends. I even have the scars on knees and elbows to illustrate when we talk about it now.

  2. Well done you!
    I wish I could be this proactive! Granted, right now I mostly focus on making it through the night and I have trouble reasoning, but hey, One day I’ll get to have a list and make it work too ๐Ÿ™‚
    At least I’m happy that I have sorted a few things around my house ๐Ÿ™‚
    Oh, and say Hi to Hy ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Make your list and share it… we can support each other through it. My big issue is food and alcohol and getting to the gym. The rest of the stuff, I’m probably okay with.

      I will definitely say hi to Hy ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I may try to make my list, but not tonight. I can’t think straight because of the fever. I’m writing a post and am not even sure I’m making much sense, so I’ll wait until I have full use of my brain to do it ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I am so jealous you are with Hy. I think unjust got wet thinking about it. Lol.
    The list is great. I loved biking with my guys. I just bought them new bikes through they go with trier friends now and not me :(.

  4. This is a great post.
    As one of your readers replied much of what is on your list is also on mine. I am in almost the same place you are.
    I have been researching doing a cleanse to jump start my being healthy (read that I don’t want to weigh myself-too depressing) and making good choices.
    Who is Cara? I’m thinking your therapist.

    • We should all post our lists and help each other complete them!!

      I keep meaning to do a juice cleanse but that makes after work drinks with friends and dates a wee challenge.

      I thought I linked to Cara – she’s a fellow blogger. Will update the post when I can!

  5. You’re going to hang out with Hy? I’m jealous, she’s an awesome woman, would love to meet her someday!

    Vacation? I know one place you could come visit ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Pingback: 80 days of summer | Facets of my Rich Life

  7. I’m with you on the weight loss. But I’ve found the most effective way for me is to stop drinking. Really – it worked the first time – I lost 6 pounds. However, I just can’t kick my wine (and occasional beer) habit and so I go up and down. And today I ate cake for breakfast. This is so not going in the right direction.

    Enjoy your girls’ weekend! We all need one of those – I’ve never had one, but hopefully this summer I’ll get one in. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I haven’t had anything to drink for at least 10 days. I’ve had a bad cold so what’s the point? And I’m trying to not drink as much during the week – I was getting into the habit of going home and having a couple glasses of wine, every single night.

      I know for me it’s food, primarily (as it is for most people I think), and making the right choice 90% of the time. I don’t stress about a Friday or Saturday night if I’m having pizza and wings…or copious amounts of cheese, as long as the rest of the week I’ve been good.

      What I’m changing – in the short term, anyway – is being WAY more strict about my 90% choices. I don’t eat badly, usually…but I need to be more restrictive to undo the last few months of damage that’s been done.

      Going to the gym is also key. But the food is the bigger issue for me.

      There is a brilliant Bill Cosby skit called “chocolate cake for breakfast”. I know all the bad stuff he’s been accused of, but he’s still damn funny:

  8. You and Hy?
    Together at last?
    I doubt I could handle READING about that naughty team-up… never mind anything else!
    Needless to say, have fun, girls!

  9. Squeeeeal! I love lists! Especially, when I’m trying to break a habit and get better about something. I call it my 5-1-5-0 list – every time I’m tempted to do something I shouldn’t, I reach for my list. It WORKS! You rock, Ann!

  10. Um yes! Boudoir photo shoot for sure. Whether or not you lose that pesky 10-lbs. Trust me, if the photographer is worth their salt, you will not be deterred and will walk away feeling incredibly empowered and gorgeous. Which I know you are in real life too! ๐Ÿ˜€

What do you think?