Am I really that forgettable? How not to get a second date.

You may recall my story of my second first-date last week. I called him Mr Checklist. I thought it was a great first date, even if I didn’t get a chance to see how he kissed.

After our date I sent him a thank you and wished him well on his long drive home. He responded he would home shortly. That was Tuesday.

Friday night, in the midst of drinking, hanging out, and talking about my dates with Hy Jones, I realized I hadn’t responded back to his email. “Shit!” I thought – perhaps he thinks I’m not interested.

So I quickly popped onto POF and saw that I was still on his “favorites” list. I decided to send him a text referencing I was away for the weekend and hoped to see him soon.

Probably better to just share with you what transpired:

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So far, so good. I feel better now about not having texted him back. I decide to just have a bit more conversation.

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Huh?

I’m texting him from my phone, and we had texted prior to our date. Guess he never put my name in his phone. We messaged each other on POF, so he would see me there. I’m on his favor- oh, wait…

So I go check the list of who has favorited me. He’s not there. WTF?

Hy and I have a good chuckle about this and now I know there’s something weird going on.

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I then realize he has no clue who I am. What a fucking dope!!

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Sigh. So much for first date #2.

I didn’t say anything else other than “well, that’s awkward”. But it didn’t really reflect how I felt. And while I definitely know it made no difference whatsoever, I sent him a follow-up text a couple of days later. I was angry – particularly because he had gone on and on about how he was such a good communicator, and didn’t play games, etcetera, etcetera. Methinks he protest a little too much.

So, I got my “angry girl” out and sent this:

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Adding to myself “you asshole”, at the end.

 

34 thoughts on “Am I really that forgettable? How not to get a second date.

  1. Oh Ann, that sucks😔 unfortunately this kind of BS is incredibly typical. I tell my friend J that finding a good man is like finding a diamond in a pile of shit. I wish that didn’t seem to come out so bitter and jaded, but I genuinely feel that it’s true. Anyway that other guy sounded much better, the one you kissed in the rain.

    • I was really shocked at the whole thing – and it was so ridiculous. It made me wonder just how many dates he’d been on!
      The best part, which I don’t think I put in the post, is he said in his opening messaging that he was now ready for a relationship but the universe didn’t seem to have gotten the message. I wanted to tell him with behaviour like that – perhaps it was karma!!

  2. Nah, this has nothing to do with you!
    The fact he doesn’t remember is simply you both living in different worlds. The fact he ‘unfavourited’ you while you were watching… that is funny though!
    He’s not worth your time or energy, even if to deal with the pinch of rejection.
    I’m sorry, my words seem to not convey what I’m trying to say (too little sleep in the past two days?). I’ll just shut up!
    Hugs 🙂
    XO

  3. He wasn’t as enthused as you after meeting. If a man’s interested, he can’t help but make it obvious. He wasn’t playing games; he just didn’t know how to make his disinterest known.

    • I also didn’t respond to his last text message. If it was me, I would figure it meant the person wasn’t interested. So I suspect he figured I wasn’t enthused either. And obviously I wasn’t overly eager since I completely forgot to respond and didn’t realise for three days. This was not a real loss for me I simply thought it funny given how much he went on about being honest, open, great communicator, didn’t play games, etc.

      • So you might have created an impression by your omission and he’s the asshole?

        If I was him your actions would have created the impression in my mind of a woman who’s either into playing games or very active on the dating scene and treating him like an option.

        To my mind his communication is very clear. He’s also not playing games. He is also being honest. He was being open.

        He’s just not giving you what you want and that therefore makes him an asshole.

        • Easy there, tiger.

          I was the one that reached out and said hey – I’m away so you won’t be hearing from me but would be good to see you again. I did that proactively. So absolutely, a couple days of silence could mean I’m busy, or too engaged with others. Sure. That goes both ways.

          Did I leave an impression in my post that my not responding for three days was a good thing? That I’m not aware of how that could have looked to him? Of course I know that. Of course I know he probably thinks I’m the asshole – because he sure as hell quickly wiped me from his phone and the dating site…

          BUT there was no honest communication from him at all (other than saying he didn’t know who I was). He wasn’t being “open”, as you say.

          He didn’t (as he said was common for him to do) proactively send a note and say “hey, thanks, I liked meeting you but don’t think we are right for each other”.

          Lots of people fade away. Lots of people don’t have the balls to say “thanks but no thanks”. It’s just a part of dating. But it’s not how I am with any man who seems to genuinely be interested in me – like the Accountant. I will tell him that there’s not a connection. I’m not just going to stop texting him.

          But if you are going to tell me over and over again that you are always on the up-and-up, etc etc? Then I have a higher expectation of how you will behave.

          And really, how many women must he have been engaging with that three days later he had no idea who I was? That’s what so hilarious.

  4. What an idiot… regardless if he fessed up, he only did so when you busted his ass. If he were truly honest he would have asked who you were on the first text.

    Although I would suggest that you abstain from the angry girl text after first dates and idiots of this sort. It’s not worth the keystrokes and (trust me) he doesn’t care, even if you were in the right…

    • Hey Coop 🙂

      And yup, definitely not honest and an open communicator.

      You are 100% right about not bothering with responses. I know he doesn’t care and I know it’s not worth it. I will confess I almost didn’t put it in the post because I knew it was a dopey thing to do… but figured I had to be honest instead of making it sound like I just walked away, all brave-like 🙂

  5. Dear Ann, I found your blog through Jenny’s, and I find it absolutely delightful. You’ve got yourself a new female fan from Asia. =)

    Honestly, this has nothing to do with you being “forgettable” or “how not to get a second date”. You and I both know that so many men say a lot of things and a lot of that talk is just sweet. He might have hurt your ego a bit, but hey, that’s how dating goes. It’s fine, just dust it off, and know that you’re more than that.

    Enjoy your other dates with finer men. =)

  6. WOW. Every now and then I won’t put someone’s number in my phone if we really don’t have a good connection, and it’s usually just fine because I never hear from them anyway. If we meet in person I always put their number in my phone, so that this exact thing doesn’t happen.

What do you think?