What the f*ck am I putting out into the universe? (Shenanigans)

I wrote the first part of this with tears drying on my face. Yes, I’m so very sad about Tony.

But this post isn’t about him.

Some of you may remember Shenanigans, the 30 year-old who has come in and out of my life since the fall of 2013. Start here if you want to start from the beginning.

The last time I saw him was inΒ December right before I met Tony. It had been ten months since our last meeting. The December date was notable because I let him cum on my face (sidebar: that post is now one of my most popular, due to google searches).Β 

I haven’t seen him since that date, and hadn’t heard from him since one odd and short text conversation the night of the Superbowl. As he had a few times before, he’d also contacted my friend Katharine on OKCupid, which he does every few months. She’s never responded back. Not sure what he’s trying to achieve by doing so… but it’s always been irritating.

Again – I haven’t seen him in five months, or heard from him in about four.

Until today.

He texted me out of the blue. I was in a meeting, saw the text come in, and lost focus for a minute. I swear, I must be sending out some kind of “I’m single” bat signal into the universe. While some think his timing is highly suspicious (no, he doesn’t read my blog or talk to anyone I know), I think it’s just… actually I don’t know what the f*ck to think.

We got caught up a bit via text (we’ve never ever had a phone conversation). He said he’d been taking some time off to “focus on himself” but now he’s dating again. I asked him why he reached out after all this time, and he said:

Just to say hi, maybe hang out again. I thought you were a lot nicer and accommodating on our last date. πŸ™‚ I liked it.

It made me laugh out loud because, first, I hate the “hang out” euphemism, and second, well, yeah… I paid for dinner (inadvertently), we had anal sex which he’d always wanted to do, I gave him a fantastic blow job, amazing sex, and oh yeah, let him cum on my face. What’s not to like?

In typical Shenanigans style, he’s annoying in text. But I know how to deal with him and we’ll see if he ever gets around to asking me if I’m free. I’m not sure what I will do if he does – it’s a matter of the ratio of annoyance to pleasure.

He doesn’t even particularly boost my ego by reaching out. He can’t hurt me, because I’m not emotionally attached to him. I can’t get bonded to him.

But, if I wanted to, I suppose I could f*ck him.

0 thoughts on “What the f*ck am I putting out into the universe? (Shenanigans)

  1. He’s what I’d call a sex drifter, rolling through town when there’s a good blow. And you can take that as a euphemism or not πŸ˜‰ Either way, if you decide to meet up make sure it’s for the right reasons β€” i.e., next time he should be the one doing the accommodating…

    • Ned, I like that euphemism!!

      One thing about him, which firmly solidified him as not any kind of man I’d actually want to date, is that he’s rarely accommodating. He still believes bringing a bottle of wine is bringing a “gift”, which he wouldn’t do because I’m not his girlfriend (which is a direct quote).

      So, it’s ultimately whether having sex with him is worth the aggravation.

      • In my experience, when the words “aggravating” and “sex” can be used in the same sentence, it’s not worth it. Even if there is good wine involved.

        If he’s not the kind of man who derives as much please from being accomodating as he does from being accomodated, he’s got a lot to learn β€” and probably never will.

        You deserve better πŸ˜‰

        • Oh you are so right. I definitely deserve better. He is one of those people that perhaps, if he catches me in the right mood, I might be willing to sleep with. But I would be completely 100% just using him to get off. I suppose something that men are accused of. But in this case, I guess we would both be doing the same thing. Not sure that makes it better, but it is what it is.

          However, I’m not going to make any effort to make it happen. Right now, I’m rather blasΓ© about the whole thing.

          • Haha! Agreed πŸ˜‰ I can’t speak to the breathing man part, but feeling the skin of a warm breathing woman… yes, definitely not the same.

          • I guess I’m a bit stubborn πŸ˜‰ But the thought of allowing someone I don’t particularly like or respect to have the privilege β€” and make no mistake about it, you are a privilege β€” to pleasure themselves with (on, in, whatever) me isn’t something I’m prepared to do, even if I am receiving pleasure in return.

            Someone should have to earn that privilege in my opinion, and in your case he definitely hasn’t.

            But that’s just me, Ann. I also realize that, being married, it’s easy for me to say because it’s a situation I haven’t been in for several years.

            Bottom line: If you feel fulfilled and satisfied, with no regrets, there’s no harm in it. But if any of those feelings can surface later, there’s a reason for pause.

            Holy crap… there I go again β€” “Mr. Preachy” is in the house!

  2. So go fuck him; seems like you had a good time the last time you did. Now, are you back on the market? I’d say yes at the moment even though you’re not exactly advertising that you are; one could say that you’re kinda in limbo and pending whatever it is Tony decides he’s gonna do about the two of you… or what you wind up deciding because you don’t want to “waste your time” waiting for him to make up his mind. But when you started this thing with Tony, you expressed the desire to spend more time belonging to one guy than just going out and letting your lustiness run things… even though you seemed to like doing that a lot, too.

    This writing of yours reminds me why I love women so much – y’all are so deliciously insane! Does it matter that you hadn’t heard from him in a while? Kinda – helps the ego a little when someone can stay in touch frequently. “Hang out” might be an euphemism for “I wanna fuck you again if that’s okay with you” but it’s more polite than being so crudely direct. But, um, dear Ann, if you wanna get laid – and not really assuming that you want and/or need to – what’s holding you back?

    Yeah… it seems that if we become available – not in a confirmed relationship – everyone just seems to know it, don’t they? Even I don’t know how that happens but it is what it is. Is gonna inquire about your current relationship status? He might… question is what are you going to tell him if he does? Then the $60,000 question just has to be are you gonna break him off some whether he asks about that or not?


    • I did have to think about whether to use the term that I’ve “broken up” with Tony, because while part of me thinks it’s definitely over, that he won’t get any decisions made and won’t come back to me… there’s another part that really hopes it’s not the case.

      But yes, I suppose, I’m back on the market, even though I’m trying to take a break and not really seek out others for comfort and to fill a hole.

      But speaking of filling holes, I guess I’m not above some casual sex if I know I’m not going to get hurt. But generally speaking, I just feel devoid of any emotion or desire, so being blasΓ© about the whole thing, I’m not so sure I’m going out of my way to satisfy any lusty urges, either. So I guess it’s nothing holding me back, but nothing driving me to action, either.

      Of course “hang out” is a perfectly fine euphemism. It just makes me laugh because so often we try to use polite terms when really, what someone could just say is “I really like having sex with you, can we do that again?”.

      With Shenanigans, I just need to let him come to me. He’ll ask if he wants to, and I’m not going to waste any time idly engaging or asking for something I’m not even sure I want.

      He did ask what was new and I was honest about my current situation – I said I’d broken up with someone with whom I’d had a 5 month exclusive relationship. That I wasn’t dating anyone right now, and when he asked if I had any men “on call”, I said I had one – which is Jason.

      I didn’t really get into the whole “i could just be on a break” thing, because it’s totally irrelevant to him. Even if I see him, it will probably be one time and then I won’t hear from him again in months… so not worth getting too detailed about my situation πŸ™‚

      • Now you really have me curious – how can casual sex hurt you other than physically – is this what you meant or did you mean emotionally?

        You know, if I went back to a woman I had sex with in the past and said, “I really like having sex with you – can we do that again?” I would, most likely be told to go fuck myself because I had the audacity to be so “brazen” with my question which strikes me as being funny: Women prefer us to be direct and truthful but when the topic is sex, eh, not so much – “hanging out” is more, ah, delicate and less insulting. And y’all wanna know why we think you’re insane…

        I liked what you said about not being driven to action and why you’re not, by the way; I could ask other women that question and not get this very important answer from them other than, “I ain’t feeling it.”

        Brava, Ann – seriously.

        • Oh, to clarify the casual sex comment: It could hurt me if I’m engaging with someone with whom I want more, or who I lull myself into thinking can provide anything other than orgasms. Which yes, I know may not just mean it’s casual, but I’ve been caught before saying “oh sure I know it’s just casual” and then slowly hoping for more.

          In this case, I have ZERO desire for more from this guy.

          And yes I completely agree that it’s unrealistic to think with 99% of women you can say anything other than “let’s hang out”. Maybe 99.9%… but I like honesty, depending on how it’s dished out.

          Thank you kd πŸ™‚

  3. That text he sent you. He’s a bit of a slime bucket… “Nicer?” What the hell! And what if you hadn’t paid for the meal, or did anal, or the good blowjob with the face shot… holy shit! You’re like the hot sex angel from guy heaven!

    • Marie hit the shenanigans nail squarely on his head. The guy is a class-A douche and a serial user. Ned’s description fits perfectly. He is cycling back through his willing-victim list and has arrived back at the top of the alphabet.

      Is sex with him worth it? Is he THAT good?

      • He’s actually rather insecure. But hides it with arrogance. He is not a douche in the same way that some players are… he’s not cycling through a list as you say. I know his list isn’t that long. He comes back to me because I’m one of the best lovers he’s ever had. He’s fascinated by my abilities, including keeping up with him. He’s told me these things, in moments of weakness.

        It’s not that he’s particularly fantastic – he’s good, but has a lot to learn. What he does have going for him is a tall, hard, young, body, a big cock with the benefit of youth, and stamina. I know how to use his assets to get off. Which sounds awful, but it’s true.

        • My dear Ann,

          You know that I (and others, here) want to see you doing what is healthy for yourself. I remember your posts and how you were managing after JiD and before Tony and it wasn’t good. I was concerned about you then and I am concerned about you now. I’d hate to see you make a return to the sort of behavior and emotional state that you know to be unhealthy.

          I understand how difficult the last five months have been which lead up to the decision you made concerning Tony. I know that it was the right one for you and yet that doesn’t make any part of it easy on you. It is my desire to see you happy – as you were when you were getting to know Tony, This isn’t to say that your happiness lies within a man, but you seemed to have found yourself last fall and then you found Tony.

          You still know what you want and need. Interacting with guys like Shenanigans only serves to distract (and, quite possibly, harm) you from the pursuit of the emotionally and physically healthy Ann that you need to be.

    • I love that – “hot sex angel from guy heaven”. I may have to use that on a profile one of these days.

      Yes, he’s slimy. Or actually, just arrogant yet insecure at the same time. He’s immature. Never had anyone really teach him how to treat a woman to his best advantage. I’m able to not get dragged into his BS the way I used to. He’d make me crazy and it totally wasn’t worth it.

      This may sound horrible, but he’s basically a great cock attached to a guy who is fine. I don’t want to poke my eyes out when I’m with him. He’s not a particularly giving lover but I know how to use him to my advantage. I know the reverse is also true, so I guess I don’t feel particularly bad about having that opinion. And it’s pretty rare for me to feel that way.

    • Yeah, when we were arguing on a regular basis (a long time ago) he said I was mean to him. He is insecure and couldn’t handle my honesty.

      So the last time I saw him I made an effort to be gentle with him and his ego. Poor thing πŸ˜‰

      But given the sexual things we did, yeah, I didn’t like that comment either!

      • To me ‘accommodating’ means he got what he wanted without regard for your distaste for certain things (facials), and he was glad you quit saying no. Ick.
        You need someone that not only handles your honesty but values it.

        • To be clear, I don’t see him as much more than a big cock. Sad but true.

          He actually didn’t like the facial…was the first time he’d tried it and he said he felt it was too degrading. Not that I don’t find him annoying, but I should give him props when he deserves them πŸ˜‰

  4. I know I couldn’t. But I don’t seem to be able to fuck anyone with whom I don’t connect. I’ve been disrespected before, for way too long. I’m not letting it happen any more. So I wouldn’t sleep with him.
    But that’s me πŸ˜‰

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