Tony couldn’t come back to my place with me. He didn’t have a car and had to take his son to school the next morning. So the conversation was pretty much over when we left the bar. Being in public the whole time, we barely even kissed on our date.
My heart was yelling at me to not break it off with him, and my head was yelling that nothing would change in the short term. But his comment about being “everything he’d ever wanted” was what I kept coming back to. Of course – it was what I wanted to hear. I also kept replaying his comment about his ex – thinking for crying out loud, could he not just make that decision?!
I forget when it happened, but at some point he was telling me that he still hadn’t gone to pick up some packages that were delivered to a town about 90 minutes away from where we live – and his accountant said he was “retarded” (yes, knowing that was a terrible word to use) for not even getting that done. I had only one meeting the next day so asked him what he was doing…
…and the non-breaking-up plan was hatched. Should he be able to get some key things done the next morning, after my meeting we were going to take my car and go on a mini-escape, perhaps overnight, to get his things.
And that’s exactly what we did.
I got a “good morning gorgeous” text message.
It was a glorious spring day. I picked him up in the early afternoon and we drove to our destination. He had to make some work phone calls but in between, we chatted, and he kept me laughing almost non-stop with stories of friends and work.
Long-overdue task accomplished, we went to a local pub for snacks and drinks. More fun. Easy conversation. Flirting. That great balance of comfort and then an occasional dirty comment that wet my lace panties. The town we were in was once known for seedy motels and strip clubs. We joked about the plan for the night. At one point, it included finding a hotel with mirrors on the ceilings and preferably a bed with magic fingers vibration (and no bed bugs), some sex, maybe some shopping, back out for drinking and playing roulette, maybe a strip club, more sex, and an early morning drive back home.
We drove around aimlessly – deliberately – and admired both the good and bad areas of town. He and I both love road trips and finding cool places. We went to a shoe store and he crossed another thing off his list of things to do.
Not finding a perfectly seedy motel (which makes me think there’s a business to be built) he booked a hotel – sadly mirror-on-the-ceiling free – and we checked in. By then we’d spent 8 hours together and it was pretty late. With each passing hour, I became less convinced my plan of attack was going to be possible.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
After our date the night before, and that morning, I’d been thinking about what the hell I was going to do. I had landed on the following:
A month of no-contact.
No texts or phone calls. No “call me if you miss me”. No “let’s just see how we do”. Nothing. Booking a date a month from now, giving him a kiss goodbye, and I’ll see him in 30 days.
For me, I need to know that the things I think are rare and special about him, really are. I may only need to think about it, but more likely, I will meet some new people and see how I feel about them. I also want to know how badly I miss him. Is there a hole in my life when he’s not there?
For him, he has shit he has to sort out – some not related to me. A deadline to get that stuff sorted out could help. He needs to decide once and for all to not get back with his ex. He needs to know how special I am, and what we have together. He might need to do that by going on some dates (I will also be telling him if he sleeps with anyone he’d better wear a condom or get tested before he sees me again).
I recognize that a month may do nothing for him. He may have made no progress whatsoever. And if that’s the case, then it’s a sign I could be waiting forever.
And why no contact? Why not just open our relationship?
I can’t go halfway backwards with him. I know myself well enough to know that if he suddenly can’t see me on a Friday night, I will get pissy and possessive. But, if there’s no contact, while I certainly will be wondering what he’s doing, I also can be doing my own thing. There won’t be the opportunity for me to feel like he’s choosing someone over me. No contact is the only way I can make it work.
If he meets someone else that captivates him more (or I do), then I know it wasn’t meant to be anyway. I’m pretty confident he won’t…but one never knows. It’s easy to say in theory, but will be very hard in practice.
So going into our date, this is what I was planning.
But the date was amazing. Comfortable and fun. I could travel with this guy, which is saying a lot. He referred to me as his girlfriend a couple of times in conversation. He was affectionate and attentive.
We got an upgraded hotel room due to my premier standing with the hotel chain. The view was stunning and there was a king size bed.
Tony was still sore and tired from the move the prior day. But when we started kissing, that insane chemistry kicked in and I could feel his growing desire – he makes these great guttural noises and starts to grab me even harder. The natural Dom in him comes out. After we had sex, he needed a nap – it was 10:30 at night. I insisted I would let him sleep, and he insisted equally that I wake him up so he could get more “Ann time”.
I went to get some food and of course, as I expected, he just couldn’t be roused after his sleep (he told me later I was very close to getting him up again). Which was fine. He was exhausted, and I wanted to sleep as well.
The next morning, we had two rounds of sex, then had to leave to get back on the highway for me to get home in time for Liam to be dropped off by my Mom.
I let him drive my car – he likes speed as much as I do – and it made him happy. I was content. I felt reconnected to him, and we’d really had a great time. But as much as that was good, it also makes my decision on what to do next very difficult. I know there’s unlikely to be any real change. I think I need to invoke my no-contact for a month. But I’m scared of what that will mean.
Never mind that there is someone else literally planning to knock on my door tomorrow, with only one purpose. I had planned on being single by now.
I am utterly torn.