One of the keys to making lasting and positive changes in our lives is developing habits. One day at a time. Eating well is easier if we just get into the habit of making the right choice, day after day.
I’ve used this philosophy over and over again in all aspects of my life post split.
Some of these things are really little. Like the fact that I was always challenged to put things where they needed to go, especially since I used to live in a four storey townhouse. There was always something to go downstairs or upstairs. So since I moved I’ve made a conscious effort to always be grabbing whatever has to go away, and doing it RIGHT THEN. Now it’s a habit and I do it without thinking.
I also now keep a multitude of lists on my mobile phone, categories including “errands”, “in the house”, etcetera. Whenever I’m out and about I check the errands list and make damn sure I knock things off the list, since I’m out anyway. This is all the more important being single, because there is no one else to do the stuff that needs to get done.
I also now make it a habit of not multitasking on my phone when I’m eating with Liam, putting him to bed, or otherwise spending quality time together. It used to be I was so anxious to get texts from certain men that I would drag my phone everywhere with me. Haven’t done that for a long time.
And now, in the throes of “letting go”, I’m finding small ways to get even better at building my life around friends and family, and not waiting to hear from Tony or to give him “right of first refusal” on my time. He can accommodate to my schedule, frankly.
A small example of this? The three days I have with Liam this weekend. My brother has invited me to a party at his place on Saturday night. I committed to go with Liam. I will invite Tony but know I will have fun even if he doesn’t come with us. It’s an overnight away and with my kid, so I expect him to say no.
Also, I asked Liam what he would like to do on Monday, when we are both off, and we are going to spend the day at an amusement park and at the beach. Again, I am going to ask Tony if he’s interested in joining us with his son, but if not, it’s his loss. I went ahead and booked tickets without waiting to ask him.
It might seem like a small thing, and it is, but it’s a tangible example of how I’m moving ahead, deciding what I want to do, and not waiting on someone else. I can set the tone of what I want to do, and when I want to do it.
It’s truly habit forming.