A unicorn walks into a swingers club…2

For Part One, click here.

What I failed to mention in my previous post was while in the afternoon, I was now scheduled to meet a couple “in the lifestyle”, that morning was my son Liam’s birthday party.

I’m sure I’m not the only one to feel this way, but I find the dichotomy striking between my sex life and being a mom and an executive in a really conservative profession. In moments at my son’s party, I found myself thinking “here I am, being a Mom, doing all the good Mom things, and this afternoon I may get f*cked by some new people. Multiple people. But right now, I’m handing out loot bags.”

Really weird.

I got home from the party (Liam was with his Dad) and had a few hours to kill before it was time for me to go. I texted Jason back and forth to confirm I was indeed, not chickening out. I did laundry. I figured out what I was going to wear. I did some planting on my balcony.

I definitely did things far more mundane than what could be considered appropriate pre-swingers club preparation.

But I was scared shitless. Several times I contemplated bailing. But I had texted the couple already and confirmed. I wanted to do it.

What was I afraid of? That they wouldn’t be attracted to me. That nobody else would be interested in f*cking me. That I wouldn’t find anyone I was interested in. That the extra weight around my middle was a problem. That I’d be seen as the chubby girl there. That nobody would talk to me.

I wasn’t actually nervous about potentially having a sexual encounter with a woman. Or having sex in a swingers / sex club. I’d done it before. Or even having sex with a stranger. I was worried about being rejected, I suppose. Or being overdressed.

I decided on wearing just a bathing suit bottom for the patio. And I had a short cover up dress if needed. While I knew they sometimes gave out sexy outfits for women to wear at the club, I brought a dress and heels that matched the theme of the evening’s event. Remembered some makeup, in case I sweated it all off and wanted more. And that was that.

I had forgotten to eat and I needed a little bit of liquid courage. I also realized I hadn’t shaved. Ack! Body parts attended to, I made myself a power shake and chased it down with a cocktail. I was running late. Grabbed a taxi and off I went.


They were lovely at the welcome desk, it was a similar experience to the other club I went to with Ariel. But I was cracking bad jokes and talking too much – a result of being nervous. Then I got my locker key, they had Jason’s name for when he arrived later (there were no single men allowed that night), I’d paid for us as a couple, and off I went. I was so nervous she had to tell me twice where to find the locker room. And unfortunately, the couple I was there to meet wasn’t there yet.

I was wearing a gold necklace with a unicorn pendant that my Grandmother gave me when I was a young girl. It made me smirk, and gave me strength.

As I was getting undressed in the unisex locker room, a woman came in and got undressed a few feet from me. She had tattoos everywhere, a fantastic ass, and some of the biggest breasts I’d ever seen – obviously fake, defying gravity, with the scars to prove it. I know this, because as I was carefully putting on a bathing suit bottom, folding things neatly in the locker, and finding a towel, she, quickly naked, told me she loved my shoes and asked where I got them. I had the opportunity to see them up close…but I tried not to stare.

She wandered off completely nude. It inspired me to not put on my cover up but I found a towel and clutched it to my middle.

I had no other delay tactics at my disposal. Given it was early afternoon, the club was pretty empty. I decided to wander around to get my bearings. There was a woman lazily giving her partner a hand job in one room, watching me steadily as I wandered by. Other than that, there was nobody I could see. To the deck I went.

As luck would have it, I ran into the male half of the couple, Dale, as I was making my way there. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, explained that Lisa (his wife) was getting undressed but would be out in a few minutes. He was warm and welcoming. As I walked to the pool, a few of the couples there turned and smiled. I wasn’t the only solo female – my big breasted friend was there as well.

Once I had Lisa to talk to, I started to relax. Dale was flitting about talking to the various couples who were there. Lisa and I chatted about everything and anything. She is several years older than I am, but is also a professional women in an industry that was dominated by men when she started out.

She was in a bathrobe, and I sat, naked from the waist up. I was definitely not the largest woman there, by a long shot. That helped me feel better, as did the broad smiles I received from some of the people that were there.

While Dale had been a bit flirty, there was nothing to suggest anything was going to happen. I don’t know the swingers protocol. But at some point after an hour or so, Dale and Lisa ditched their bathrobes and invited me to get closer.

I really didn’t know what was going to happen next.Β 

Part Three

To read about my first swingers club experience, read this post.

0 thoughts on “A unicorn walks into a swingers club…2

  1. I only have experienced one swingers club but went there a few times. As I am reading this, it is that club I am imagining. Can’t wait for part three!!

  2. I must say you are very brave! I would probably not have wandered into a club by myself.
    Which is why I’m glad my second experience will be with the Dancer again. I need to have this trust that someone is there for me, and will protect me. And it also gives me the confidence that I won’t be totally rejected (I totally get what you’re saying!). I mean, if he used me just to get through the door and not pay any attention to me once there, the man would be a jerk, and I made sure it wasn’t the case before we went the first time, by having long preparatory discussions about the what ifs and such.
    But to go alone? I think I would have preferred to meet someone outside first and go together.
    So You Go Girl!
    And I can’t wait to read about part three.
    And I must say I can’t wait to write about my next experience either πŸ˜‰

    • Thanks Maggie!!

      I’ve been meaning to write about my (now) two therapy sessions. One thing we talked about was breaking habits. When I told her about refusing to let Tony “hang out” with me if we weren’t actually commited, that was a pattern breaker. Same with not going back online to the dating sites to feel better. It feels good to not do the things I would normally do.

      And yes, being willing to go to the club on my own was one of those things. I have a tattoo that reminds me to not squander the decision I made to be single. So I try to step outside my comfort zone on a regular basis πŸ™‚

  3. Wow. I am completely fascinated. I can’t see myself ever going to a place like that, it’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean I am not completely enthralled. My guess is you are going to end up with the lady with the boobs and tatoos… I guess you will tell us soon.

  4. For us it’s typically like you describe and if you are interested in someone, then you simply ask “Would you like to party?” and off you go πŸ™‚

    Sounds like so far you are handling it well. The first time is kind of stressful as you don’t know what to expect and it’s always good if you have a couple to lead you through the process.

    Can’t wait to hear the next chapter!

    • While it wasn’t my first time at a club, it was the first time showing up solo and having someone specific to meet there. The former made it worse and the latter made it better.

      My first experience, we didn’t talk to anyone and only had fun on our own. It was obvious to me that most of the people there knew one another (and it was a holiday weekend so a much smaller crowd).

      This time, I was worried that I wouldn’t feel / be wanted. Turns out I didn’t have anything to worry about.

  5. Still impressed you did it alone to start…I would never have the courage for sure! Can’t wait for the next part!

  6. I’m seriously trying not to laugh at you… but I’ve always wondered about that dichotomy too, when I was working my ass off, married, raising children on one hand but swinging (and other sexual activities) like Tarzan on the other; the two things always seemed to be incompatible but I eventually figured it out.

    What I would have given to see you when you walked into the place…

    • I have come to realize they are all just part of who I am…and I share all parts of me with some (like here on this blog) but not many.

      I’m pretty sure I walked in looking confident. I can fake it when needed πŸ™‚

      • Yeah, I get it – walk in like you own the joint… but the way you wrote this, well, I just wanted to laugh (I haven’t yet but wait for it) because you seemed anything but confident. You had some of the same fears I’ve seen when swinging and mainly that “fear” of rejection, that no one will want to do you – people can be so petty when it comes to sex in the life, can’t they? If you walk in the door with any “fears” on your mind, in my opinion, you just defeat the purpose for being there in the first place any time you wind up putting up barriers that, eventually, won’t get you laid – pretty sure people don’t go to these functions because they don’t have anything better to do.

        Can’t wait to read what else happened…

        • It’s probably true what you write here. But sometimes, especially when you are trying to start a new habit, you need to go past some serious barriers that you put against yourself. Walking in there with the air that you are cool is already much better than walking in there looking like you are questioning why you even bothered coming in the first place, and way better than to stay home because you convinced yourself that no one will want you… So I think we need to recognize that courage in Ann, and accept that next time, she will probably own the place, not just pretend she does πŸ˜‰

  7. Ooh! One thing I forgot to comment about: I am like you, often amazed at the dichotomy of my life. Just earlier, I was tired, working and there was this person talking to me and I was thinking “If you only knew what I was up to last night, and it looks like I’m going to do it again tonight, but with a different guy!”
    That’s why I made sure that the evening I’m spending at the swingers club is at a date when I don’t have my kids. I don’t think I could face having that experience and then go on to take care of my kids the next day.

    • I read somewhere about a woman who didn’t have any pictures of her children in her bedroom. Because it was just too weird to be doing crazy sexy things and looking up and seeing your child’s face.

      I have one, which I’ve put away on some occasions. But it’s for that same reason – while I embrace both sides, it’s a bit odd when they come too close to one another.

What do you think?