I’m tired of this.

I am tired of justifying neglectful behavior. Parsing what-if’s like it makes a difference.

Thinking maybe he didn’t get in until midnight. Maybe he’s taking his kid to school this morning. Maybe he’s still asleep since he’s a few hours hours behind. Maybe he’s not sure how to contact me because he’s going to break up with me. Knowing he always thought he’d wake me up by texting me late, forgetting my phone goes into silent mode. Knowing he rarely texted me in the morning.


I’m furious. More angry than hurt, but the hurt is there too.

Until this morning, I was willing to give Tony a chance, as it’s quite possible he was simply inconsiderate – and while not good, it could be addressed. But this is ridiculous. He told me he was arriving yesterday. And now it’s today, albeit still early, and I’ve heard nothing.

What possible reasonable reason could there be?

0 thoughts on “I’m tired of this.

  1. I appreciate your attempt to vent your anger, Ann.
    Just be sure to hold onto some of it when Tony tries to justify his behavior, which I feel he will. You’ve done all you can do.
    Time to move onto someone who will appreciate you for the beautiful soul you really are.

  2. I am going to be blunt here: I think you are tormenting yourself emotionally to no beneficial end.

    Live your life, as you see fit on your terms. Why set yourself up in a position that your life has to revolve around his emotional whims? It is unhealthy. Don’t allow Tony to define your emotional state.

    • Thank you Vic. I don’t want to be with anyone who can’t support me on even a basic level. I shouldn’t have to worry about this kind of stuff, with someone I’ve been dating for four months. It’s ridiculous.

  3. This is no way to justify this behavior. Enough. He needs to know that YOU must not be treated this way. You have been amazing throughout this, giving him chance after chance. You have been gentle and understanding and he has not responded to your requests for communication – very appropriate communication. How are you not the first thing he thinks of when he awakes, the last when he is about to fade? If I was dating and had someone that I cared about, I would be contacting her, if only just to tell her how much I think about her.

  4. Just be who you are.
    You should never have to justify someone’s behavior. Not to others (us), not to yourself.
    Hugs, though, as the next phase may nit be easy for you.

  5. I’ve been following your blog for awhile, and an frankly relieved that I’m not the only person who thinks this way. When I meet someone I genuinely really like (which is rare), I try to give them the benefit of the doubt but it can turn into torture when they don’t seem to give my time the same respect I give theirs. I’ve found comfort in deleting their phone number and feeling powerful on my end, without the temptation of getting in touch. The next step is up to him, and you can take complete confidence in the fact that you’re ready to move on unless he gives you a hell of a reason not to, and proves it.

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment!

      After four months, I’m not going to do a slow fade away. when we talk, I’m going to tell him how I feel and break up with him – certainly if he can get his shit in order, he is welcome to get back in touch. I like him that much, but can’t deal with someone who can’t be there for me at all.

  6. Well, maybe this helps explain me to me. I am too soft, too understanding, too forgiving. I made the mistake of reading the comments first this time Ann. It looks like I am the last hold out for the benefit of doubt. I completely understand exactly how frustrated you are, believe me, I do, and maybe I have been giving you suggestions that are so personally me that would steer you in the completely wrong direction and you are right. You are right you know, your feelings I mean. Either way you have a wonderful support base here, and I sincerely hope you find that helpful.

    • I find it extraordinarily helpful, especially because many of my comments do not hesitate to tell me when they think I am astray.

      There’s a part of me that hopes, too. I haven’t heard from him at all today and now I suspect when he told me the date he was coming back, he had it wrong. I can’t bring myself to believe he just isn’t contacting me. So there’s an hopeful person inside the angry person today πŸ™‚

  7. Right trying to say something smart.
    I got a bottle of red wine uncorked and breathing. Bottoms up?
    Got something stronger to. 25 year old scotch because these youngster got a kick that goes down smooth. Grin.
    Big hugs Ann. No need for words.
    Sorry to hear this is happening

  8. You deserve more from someone you are dating. You and Tony are still in the honeymoon phase of dating when everything is supposed to be fun, exciting, romantic and engaging. I think that it is good that he showed his true self so early so you can move on to somebody that better suits your needs. I know you will find him out there and have fun until you do πŸ™‚

    • Exactly!! We’re supposed to not be able to get enough of each other right now… and it’s very much the opposite.

      Thanks for the support – I don’t like the thought of going back online but when I’m ready (could be tomorrow!!) I certainly will.

    • Sigh. Yeah… and now I’m stuck wondering if maybe he gave me the wrong date of his return and he’s not back yet. Or of course he’s just going silent…but that doesn’t feel right.

  9. my opinion is how hard is it to send a text saying thinking of you, miss you, my plane landed safely whatever – even if you are on “vacation” I mean even if it’s right before you go to sleep good night the fact that he didn’t I think speaks volumes about your priority in his life

    you deserve someone who at least can put forth that much effort

    • Exactly. I’m not asking for long conversations every day, or even contact every day!! I *do* understand a need to ‘get a way from it all’ but I didn’t think it was too much to expect at least a couple brief texts saying he was thinking about me and hoping I was doing alright.

  10. Anne I totally support you in letting Tony go. I think you will create the space to draw a much better possibility into your life. I understand your anger and I think you need it to create boundaries. However my read on this scenario is that Tony’s just in a really different place than you. It’s not that he’s not into, I think he genuinely likes you, but he’s holding bAck cause he’s feeling so ambivalent about his ex wife. Tony may be a cool guy but I’ve never gotten the sense that he was that great for you. I think his unavailability only made him seem more enticing than he warrants. You’ll move on to something better. In the short term you’ll get the sex binge you’ve been needing with Jason πŸ˜‰

    • Thanks hon, that’s my take on it as well. This isn’t so much someone who’s gone silent because he doesn’t like me, or is off banging some other woman, or anything like that. I know he likes me. He just doesn’t have enough of his other shit sorted out. Or at least he didn’t the last time I talked to him πŸ˜›

      And yes, I will move on (barring something really extraordinary when he does get in touch) and will get some good sex from Jason and will go back online (sigh) and dive back in again.

  11. If you bought a car and it couldn’t or wouldn’t do the things you expect and deserve it to do, would you take it back?

    You have answered your own question, haven’t you?

    • Yes, my squeaky brakes are still squeaking even though they say they are okay, so I’m going back to the dealership.

      Oh, I know what you mean πŸ˜‰

      And yes, I hear you.

  12. I think he needs to be released from your heart and emotions too. He had shown where his feelings are by not contacting you for the entire time he is gone (which never even made sense to me. Something quick is entirely possible). And now? Not contacting you at all? Ugh. Let him go.

    • Thanks Lily. I need to set him free and see what happens. Depending on what he’s like when we finally talk, I may hold out hope that he could come back. A faint hope, but a hope nonetheless.

      But admittedly, I know that’s a long shot.

  13. You know how desperately I want to believe in the “what-ifs” but he has really done himself in this time. You have been clear and direct and above all patient (which he probably has no clue about). I wish I could give you the strength you need to let go of the hope. I think we all cheered for Tony, but he not only dropped the ball but lost the game.

What do you think?