There’s good and bad in my life right now. And as I’m busy getting my shit in order, I’m not writing. The thoughts are just roaming around in my head, aimlessly.
A brief update for those who care:
The Party & The Comedian
- The party on Friday night was great fun. I hadn’t heard from the Comedian and figured he wouldn’t show up. But he did. Out of the blue. It was a nice time with him, and weird to be with someone who other guests (and their children) immediately recognized.
- The Comedian decided to leave a little early. After he gave me a hug and the kind of kiss that meets delightfully partially on ones lips, my drunken friend the host pushed me out the door after him, insisting – out loud – that he must simply make out with me on her porch. He muttered something to me about his life being up in the air, and walked away.
- In some ways I’m glad he didn’t try to kiss me, because I had planned to tell him about Tony. But on the other hand, I was irritated that there was obviously something going on with him and he didn’t tell me about it. Nor has he contacted me since.
My Body & My Job
- According to my company, the reason they gave me six months to find a new job (instead of just letting me go right away) was they want me to find a role with them. My HR contact’s advice was wait three months and then start looking externally. So I’m a bit more relaxed about the job, at least for the moment.
- It’s amazing what stress does to the body and the metabolism. In a few short weeks, some of my clothes don’t fit. This is completely unacceptable.
- I successfully managed to limit my sugar, carbs, and alcohol content since last Wednesday, and also got my ass in the gym (twice!!).
- I’ve made good use of my current no-meeting schedule. It will not last for long. I’ve dealt with stuff around the house, and hung out with Liam. Finished the taxes in the two countries I need to submit taxes for. Got sporting and arts tickets. Got my teeth cleaned. Started to fill in my April and May calendar with bookings with friends.
- On the weekend I went to visit a famous painter who lives in my city. I’ve been to one of his parties before and I was visiting him with a friend, who works for him.
- The painter is over seventy and gay and recently single. His friends are arts patrons, famous writers, and the elite. We talked about his art, dating, and he told me he had a man who would be “just perfect for me”. I was tickled. He was serious.
- Not a word. Not one f*cking word since he left, 6 days ago.
- It’s like he’s not even in my life at all.
- Since I’ve been filling my time (see above) I’ve also realized it’s okay to not have him in my life. I hate to write that, but it’s true. I won’t go so far to say he consumes my thoughts, but he’s regularly present. I’ve thought about him and how he’s been and how I feel.
- Bottom line is I feel he isn’t in a place where he’s willing to make an effort for me. He’s in a selfish place. I understand it, but I don’t want to be on the receiving end of it. At least right now, in this moment, I think I need to tell him I’m letting him go. If he decides he wants me, he’ll come back. Or fight for me.
At least that’s how I feel today.