Just before noon yesterday, I reached my breaking point. I sent a text:
Hi Tony. Have you made it back home?
No response. Three hours later, I called him. No response. I didn’t bother leaving a message; I know he just looks at missed calls.
I would have bet a lot of money that he wasn’t just going silent in some attempt to break up with me. Trying to come up with an explanation, I posited perhaps he misspoke when he told me his return date. Perhaps he was getting home Tuesday instead of Monday.
I had an extraordinarily good meeting with one of my mentors, and then an extraordinarily shitty meeting with a former boss. The good with the bad.
Happy to escape, I met a close friend for a couple events after work – the first where I had a nice chat with the owner of a very popular jeans company, and the second was the book signing where we ran into another close friend and other literary luminaries.
Over shared plates of meatballs, fois gras, kale caesar salad, and butternut squash gratin, she shared her wonderful dating situation, and I lamented the lack of communication from Tony.
Then shortly after 9pm, my phone rang. I didn’t hear it but saw I missed a call and a voicemail. It was him. I wasn’t about to call back. She and I debated the appropriate response. I texted:
Hi! Glad you’re back. Just out for dinner – want to connect later?
To which he immediately replied:
Of course, call me when your home. Only one question – where did you go for dinner?
She and I discussed my response. I told him where we were and that she said he should join us. He said:
Lol I knew you would say that and I would love to see you. Not presentable to be in public or meet her. Probably not worth seeing me tonight – I will be out quickly. Can we settle on tomorrow for dinner?
I said yes, and that I would call him later. In the taxi on my way home, we had a 15 minute phone conversation. He did get home on Monday, which meant he waited 24 hours to contact me. I let it go, for the moment. He said he got home to over 500 emails and a shit show with a job he needed to wrap up. There was conflict with his brother on the trip. It sounded like it didn’t go as planned.
And you don’t need to say it – that’s no excuse for him not contacting me.
We’ve had another call today and I said lightheartedly that I was surprised it took him 24 hours to contact me, and also told him he was in the doghouse.
I’m thinking about how to tell him what I need to say. It will include that I was disappointed and hurt he didn’t respond to my email in Cuba, find a way to see me one of the two nights before he left, contact me during his vacation, and that it took him 24 hours to even let me know he was home. I will also tell him that I need him to be there for me, to have me be a consideration, and I don’t think he’s capable of those things right now.
Who knows how it will go. My suspicion is he will be passive and simply let me go. I don’t think he will fight for me.
But I would dearly like to be wrong.