To the blogger who said for sure I would see Tony more than twice before my trip, you were right.
I was supposed to go back to work today, after three days at a friends country place. When I looked at my meetings I decided to work from home. Given the news I just received I’m feeling an overwhelming desire to be at home and see more of Liam, which I can do when I don’t have to commute to work.
On the phone with Tony yesterday, I mentioned I was going to work from home. He said “oh really” in a way that made me inquire as to what he was thinking. He said he had to be near my neighborhood and he could swing by. Of course that sounded like a great plan. I knew Liam would be out with our nanny so Tony and I would have a chance to be alone.
Later yesterday night Tony called me and asked if he could come over that night. He said he missed me, wanted to see me, and would appreciate the stress release I would provide. I was so happy to have him proactively suggest seeing me, out of the blue. Unfortunately, work got the better of him and he had to cancel. But I was okay with it. The intention was there. I settled in, quite content, to watch Mad Men from the start of the series (I still have Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad on my list, but I’m pacing myself).
There was still today for Tony. He confirmed that yes, even though we have a date set for Friday (“Friday is Ann night”, he said to me once) he still wanted to see me today. This morning, my meetings started to drop out of my calendar. They were cancelled or rescheduled. Until I found myself down to one and suspected I didn’t really need to attend.
Well…to be perfectly honest, I was the one who cancelled one of the meetings and declined the other. I wanted to not work. I was having one of those days. There wasn’t much critical I had to do (if there was, I would have been all over it). I stayed in my pyjamas and was looking forward to greeting Tony at the door in my slip.
Until he called me, stuck in traffic and hungry. We revised our plans. I got dressed (at 11am, such a sacrifice) and went out to get sushi.
I am hoping it’s not just seeing what I want to see, but I’m noticing small changes in what he says and how he interacts with me. My gut tells me he’s let go of his anxiety and guilt; that he’s opened himself to how he feels.
I’m also trying to talk myself out of this belief because I don’t want to get hurt.
But it’s the little things, like saying over sushi he was thinking about seeing me all morning, that he didn’t have me for three days and couldn’t wait to get to my place. That he was so frustrated when things went sideways for his work, because it meant he reduced his time window with me. It’s him looking at me the whole time we have sex. Trying new things he knows I would like. It’s him saying he “loved” the post-coital spooning we did, dozing in and out of sleep.
The spooning was awesome. His arms wrapped around me, my head in the crook of his shoulder. His strong hands on me. The sunlight coming in through my french doors. It was bliss.
I really hope that it doesn’t end.