My infamous party.

For almost a decade I have had a theme party every winter. It was the one social event that Will and I hosted.

I continued the tradition in my new house. I also took advantage of my new-found freedom to have a party a quarter, with varying themes (and no, I don’t mean costumes…they are things like “sausage and nuts” or “summer wine”). I love to entertain, love to be a great host.

This party has played a part in two of my past relationships, and will hopefully be part of a third.

Naked Ironing Man’s last-minute cancellation helped spawn my first breakup with him.  I was so looking forward to his meeting my friends, and vice versa. While I knew he wasn’t the right guy for me, an unwillingness to participate at all in my life was a non-starter.

The second man to attend one of these parties was Johnny Id. I actually timed the party based on when he came to visit. I thought it was important for him to get a taste of my friends and I definitely wanted them to meet him as well. Trying to explain our relationship to one of my best friends was what prompted me to tell her I was a blogger…because otherwise it was difficult to understand.

While Johnny was admittedly not a lover of parties, he was willing to do it for me. He wrote a post about it which I just re-read (there are three parts) and love it as much as the first time I read it. My friends met him and they all had a great time.

Which brings us to Tony.

My party is an upcoming Friday. As you know if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, Friday is the night my Mom has Liam (my son) overnight. Now that Will is away in a different country, it is my only free night. So, that’s the party night.

A few weeks ago I told Tony about the party and mentioned I would love it if he could attend. I have not had to cajole him to come. In fact, he mentioned, unsolicited, that he is eager to meet my friends and see if his mental images of them reflect reality.

I am excited to have him attend, and I really hope it works out for his schedule.

And yes, given recent discussions, it has occurred to me to tell him I want space prior to my party. To ask him to take some time to make a decision about his marriage. Attending will be just one more thing that cements how I feel about him.

But I’m not going to do that. I leave two days later for my sunny vacation. I’m going to have him come, meet my friends, see what I’m like and what they are like. And see how they respond to him.

And after that, I will just hope that everything works out for the best.

0 thoughts on “My infamous party.

  1. If he doesn’t respond well to your friends, or ends up not working out for whatever reason, you could re-use your “sausage and nuts” theme party and turn it into that gangbang you’ve been wanting! At any rate, I’m sure your friends will love Tony and a great time will be had by all!

    • I don’t know enough (any!) single men, so their wives might mind the change of theme 🙂

      I do hope it all goes well. I’m at the moment very frustrated with a 12 absence of any response from him to a rather important text I sent…so the impulsive side of me wants to tell him to just take a f*cking break already. Lol. I’m sure I will get over it at some point.

      • I’m sure the wives would get a little huffy if they come over expecting cocktails and appetizers and end up with a gang bang instead. Probably best to stick to the planned theme this year.
        Ugh, I hate unanswered texts… Especially when they normally respond to benign ones, but then ignore the important ones.

  2. No need for hoping Ann. Everything WILL work out for the best. It’s just that the best is sometimes not what we wish it to be 🙂
    I love to host parties too. Like you, most were themed parties, indian buffet, chinese new year and so on. I haven’t had the time, the energy or the space (my new house is much smaller!) to throw a party at my new house yet. I was aiming for NYE, but we all know how that ended 🙂
    Maybe later, when the weather is nicer, we can open the windows and use the outdoor area for a barbecue or similar!
    I hope you have fun Friday night.

      • Well, it’s funny, I haven’t had a part since I split from the ex. He’s the non-social one, the one who told me not to invite so and so because their idea of fun was different from his or simply because he didn’t want to try and get to know them.
        Yet I haven’t felt like throwing a party since. One day I’ll heal enough that I’ll want to do it again 🙂
        Enjoy your Friday night!

        • I think it’s interesting we have that in common as well about our exes.

          Healing is good! Parties are good! Look forward to hearing about it when you get to a place that you want to have one again.

  3. Ann,

    I can imagine what fun your parties must be and how much if a gracious hostess you are. It is funny that Savannah and I have never had a party surrounding a theme (other than the Superbowl) and the idea sounds fun..that is until I realize that parties don’t seem to be my forte’. I’d rather attend someone else’s rather than my own…but that is a subject for a blog post that I don’t want to write.

    I am redoing my entire landscape this season and I see an outdoor entertaining space as a significant piece of dedicated use:

    I am sure that Tony will enjoy your friends and have a good time at your party. The only thing that I see coming is that *IF* Tony does find himself making a decision, you are only continuing to make it increasingly difficult for him.

    • The party that I’ve had every year was really just an excuse to have a party, and it gave the guests something to discuss when they arrived. Same with the “sausage and nuts”… people brought meat or nuts and we joked they could also bring a human version. Just a way to be fun. I’m not an intense host who slaves in the kitchen for hours making perfect hors d’oeuvres. I like to have fun and be relaxed and have that translate to my guests as well.

      I do miss having an outdoor space like you mention, but I never ended up using it as much as I thought I would anyway.

      The bitchy and cynical part of me says I don’t care if I’m making it hard for him – I know he doesn’t really want to go back to his ex, per se – so he should see what life can be like with someone else 🙂

      Of course my other side tempers that opinion lol…

      • I do like the sausage and nuts theme…I’d prefer it to be a little bit more vegetarian…say, melons and buns? Ok, that was bad.

        I’ll admit to being a bit of “guy” in that I don’t slave over hors d’oeuvres, but every once in awhile, I see something that I want to try to make. Otherwise, I’d rather have good veggies and chips (and the hummus!!) and so that I/we can join in the conversation rather than be focusing on food service.

        I am glad that you aren’t concerning yourself over his difficulties in deciding. The pressure this places on you really shouldn’t be there, but that is another topic to discuss at a later date. This is hardly bitchy or cynicism. It is absolutely good and fine to be selfish with Tony. It wasn’t as if you went out and found a married man and are now pushing him to decide.

  4. I predict he will not only attend, but he will enjoy himself. Your sunny vacation is well timed, allowing you the “time” and the “space” you seem to be inclined to believe will help lead to some sort of conclusion. It will give you some great memory making time with your son, and well deserved R&R.. Didn’t you say he was going on a trip as well? But not leaving till after you return? My guess is this part will be more trying for you. You at home, without the distraction of your vacation. Remember, he just went through the same thing with you, only you got the vacation part first. With all that in mind, I bet he will be very anxious and happy to see you when he returns.

    • I’m very much looking forward to my vacation, for the reasons you mentioned. A great trip with friends and my son.

      I don’t think my trip will give me any conclusion. Yes, Tony is also going away for 10 days, leaving the day I come back. He’s going solo and while there is no guarantee he will come to any conclusion, it’s more that I’m taking that opportunity to tell him, since he’s got a few weeks of distance, it would be great if he could return with a decision regarding his marriage.

      If he doesn’t return with that clarity, then I’m going to tell him either I’m saying goodbye (and he’s welcome to call me if / when he decides he’s staying on his own), OR I’m going to start seeing other people. I don’t think I can do the latter, but I’m pondering my options.

  5. I like this plan. I think it is good to get this time together in front of your friends to see how well everyone interacts. A huge step towards building something together. Granted it doesn’t always work out, but better to do this now and not a year or more down the road. Also, I agree to the “break” afterwards for you both to gather your thoughts post party. I realize it isn’t really a break, but the separation of vacationing and Tony’s trip will allow time to consider the party, friends’ reaction, and the melding of your worlds. Simply going about your day won’t necessarily allow that. Will any conclusions be made? Who knows, but the pondering can’t likely be avoided and that’s a great way to continue the discussion. I hope the party is wonderful and enjoyed by all, especially you. 😉

    • I just wrote another comment who saw what I’m doing as a test. It’s not, in the negative sense. I want to be with someone who is social and willing to meet my friends and be a part of my life. It’s that simple. Of course, it’s nice to see them get along with my friends, but that’s a bonus 🙂

      And yes, I need to get some decision from him and I know that part of the reason he’s looking forward to his trip is to do some soul searching – about a few different things.

      • If my message seemed to imply you were testing him, I apologize. I saw more as being similar to bring a boy home to meet your parents. As an adult. it is often your friends that you keep closest and are your most trusted advisors. Even if they don’t give a verbal opinion, the way they interact with Tony will give you more feedback than you could ever ask for in words. In theory. Best of luck.

        • No worries at all!! I also realized I’m missing a few words in that first sentence. I didn’t think you implied the test, but what I meant to say is my response to that other person talked about what WAS important to me in having him to come to the party.

          And yes, I completely agree. It took me a long time to realize that this kind of this is important, and it’s not a frivolous “want”.

          • I don’t know if I’ve ever written about this, but I spent a lot of time after I met Will convincing myself that I needed the challenge he presented… because the “nice guys” I’d dated before were boring.

            So things like being social seemed frivolous in comparison to finding someone who was very intelligent and had a good sense of humor.

            I know now that it’s not the case. It was a hard lesson to learn.

  6. Women place too much emphasis on the friends test. Very rarely does it go well. It can’t , because it’s laced with pressure and is unnatural. Friends will always err on the side of caution, especially female friends. Men endure this test like a Herculean task, for it is a test of their affection for the woman. Any man who bails is just not that into her.

    • Appreciate as always your broad statements about women 😉

      Here’s where I’M coming from. I spent 15 years with a relatively anti-social partner. He could fake it, but he was not interested in making new friends or social engagements. He once said “I’m not taking any new friend applications”.

      When I discovered this, I wrote my needs off as frivolous and unimportant, but over time I realized how important it is to me. Will wouldn’t stop me from doing things (some people like him do) but I wanted to be with someone who had similar social interests.

      So for me, this isn’t some “friends test” in the way you assume.

      This is about me wanting to have a partner in my life who doesn’t feel that attending a party is unnatural. Who is genuinely interested in my life and my friends (and my family). Who is willing to attend parties even if they don’t know anyone there. Who enjoys getting to know new people. Who will host a dinner party because they are fun.

      That’s why this matters to me.

      • So it’s still a test.

        Introverts feel exhausted by social gatherings, while extroverts feel energised.

        I’ve told you a million times that I don’t exaggerate when it comes to my broad, sweeping statements.

        • If you insist on calling it a test, then I will say he already passed.

          It’s not about me calling up all my friends after the party and asking how he did. I do think sometimes they see things I may not, so I’m interested in peoples opinions, but it’s no more than that.

          And yes, I do know that extroverts get their energy from being with others and it’s the opposite for introverts. I’m an extrovert but not an extreme one. I also need my time for quiet and to be alone. Put me around people all the time and I really don’t like it. Tony seems rather similar, so we are a good match in that regard.

        • Well, even if it still is a test, then I guess it’s an important one. Because if parties are difficult for someone as an introvert, then they are probably not best matched with someone who is an extrovert. And vice-versa. It’s not only about Tony being a match for Ann or not. It works both ways. And better to recognize that early enough, I feel!

      • Wow! This, this is just exactly what I am looking for too!
        I need someone who will enjoy meeting new people, who will enjoy a party, whether it’s me throwing it or we are invited to one.
        I need someone who likes to dance too. This is important to me.
        I would rather they were able to be friends with my friends, but the ultimate goal of such a party would be to see if they have a similar idea of what a party should be like… and who wouldn’t be afraid of hosting one with or without me.
        I totally get all that you wrote here!

    • I promise to write about it next week. I’ll have time on an airplane if all else fails!!

      The party theme is a wine tasting. Everyone brings a bottle, we mark who brings what, and proceed to drink. There’s no formal tastings but it gives people who don’t know each other an excuse to have a conversation starter.

      In the summer I do one that focuses on white, rose, and sparkling wines!

What do you think?