I’m convincing myself the love is due to Oxytocin

It’s just the sex chemicals, I keep telling myself.

Tony and I had a perfect date on Saturday, including sex that left me truly satisfied for the first time ever with him. Sex that was rough and tender at varying times.

At one point, looking into the eyes staring intently down at me, before I even was aware of it “he’s picked me” popped into my head. I immediately chastised myself for such a ridiculous thought.

But he was fully present and focused on me. He gave me his mind and his body. He had chosen me, at least then.

At least I was able to shove that thought deep enough that it didn’t come back.

But also that morning, another thought was in high rotation in the playlist in my brain. It just happened at some random moment and there it was, front and centre. My internal voice said “Ann, you love him“. I immediately wrote it off as the Oxytocin speaking. Each time it sneaked back in, I shoved it down.

The thought is still here, after the Oxytocin has faded. It was here before, if I’m honest with myself. It was here, over an over again, in the three-hour car ride I took with my son today to get to a friend’s country house. My dad made me a playlist of 1,000 songs all about relationships, which playing on an iPod on shuffle.

The first two songs to play? “I think I love you” by the Partridge Family and “I do I do I do I do I do” by ABBA. Really, universe? REALLY??

cannot be in love with this man who is possibly going to tell me any day now he’s going back to his ex.

I just can’t.

0 thoughts on “I’m convincing myself the love is due to Oxytocin

  1. It may be the sex Chemicals. Oxytocin effects last for two weeks, I thought. I have seen the dramatic changes of interest in women from within that two week period and then after that

      • From what Ann has shared with me, her father and I would get along fantastically with our music taste. Ann and I have been comparing interests and expanding our musical horizons because of it.

        Ann, you really should commit more time sharing your musical interests – it is one of those ways that people connect that defies explanation.

  2. Oh, honey. Thinking of you and the conundrum you’re in. This is going to sound so sappy, but have faith in the universe and enjoy the journey! Whatever happens, you will have grown for it!

  3. Oh Ann… I can so relate, as you know. I had that voice in my head over the weekend too. Though, for me, I try to really convince myself it was the reaction to sex, the fact there were so many firsts and… but I can’t hel myself and think all these firsts would have been awful with anyone else, someone who didn’t take such good care of me :-/
    For me, it’s all so new though, the relationship is barely a month old, so it is easier to think it’s just my crazy brain at play again.
    But I must say, I reached SpaceFreedomLove’s conclusion myself. I don’t care what happens, I don’t care what my heart tells me. All I know is that this is something beautiful that is happening to me. And whatever happens down the line, I won’t regret any of it.
    Still, I’m hoping for you his heart is telling him the same thing over the 2 or 3 weeks’ break from you.

  4. If I may be so bold–and if you’ll please forgive me–you are in love with him because there’s a distinct possibility that, any day now, he’s going back to his ex. Desiring what’s unavailable is as old as the human race. You can’t fight a genetic predisposition. I would go so far as to say you might not be thinking these thoughts if the path was clear. If that were the case, you might be humming this chestnut from Peter Allen:

    “How I wished for you and now you’re here
    Now I wish that I could disappear and go away”

  5. I’ve found that the universe only gives us that which we can handle. It makes us stronger and gives us opportunity to prove to ourselves that we are the person for the job. I’m not saying that any of your fleeting thoughts are the end all, just that you will find yourself at some point wondering why you couldn’t see where you were going all along. None of us can. Not even Tony. That’s between you and the universe. You got this!

  6. oops.

    I thought I saw this coming, but didn’t feel like I knew you well enough to say it. You know, trying to remain polite and all as I still feel like company at your home.

    • Yeah Julie…you called that one 🙂

      And you are welcome to say whatever’s on your mind. I guess I don’t see alternate opinions as impolite…as long as they aren’t impolite 😉

      • I try to always be polite, it’s just hard to tell sometimes with only words. You can read “I don’t care” and it can be good or bad. or “it doesn’t matter”. I just don’t want to piss anyone off.

  7. Chocolate and ice cream will get rid of the feeling. If not, then have some more chocolate and ice cream to perpetuate the feeling. 🙂

    Or just embrace it. And the chocolate too. And the ice cream.

    If not, just give it to me.

    The chocolate and the ice cream.

  8. Uuuuggghhhhhh!

    Oh and by the way after you told me about an ex breaking up via blog and it getting ugly – my boyfriend started attacking me on my blog as he was texting me insults. I am now moderating all my comments, and no longer giving any info on my blog to future dates, boyfriends, or sex buddies. It wasn’t fun. And I hate having to censor myself.

    So… you’re in love!

    • Oh Marie that’s terrible! I’m sorry to hear that. In my case he was a fellow blogger so our break up and subsequent meltdowns were well documented on both sides. It wasn’t pretty.

      And yeah. It would appear that way.

What do you think?