I had another great overnight date with Tony this past weekend. Instead of going out we ended up starting off with sex before he even had a drink in his hand. He talked dirty. A lot. We opened a vintage 2003 Dom Perignon for no reason other than I felt like it. We shared sexual fantasies and I learned more about his sexual history.
I cooked him breakfast and we watched a sporting event together. In bathrobes and slippers.
Now, as I ponder my party on Friday, I realize I don’t want to have him meet all my friends just to have it end a few weeks later. Some still ask about Johnny Id.
I need to know whether he’s made a decision about his ex-wife. Obviously I need to know what that decision is. I can’t live in limbo anymore. I need a declaration from him – first about his ex-wife, and second about me. Pondering in the shower this morning I realized if he doesn’t even think of me as his girlfriend, than what the hell am I?
My willingness to wait for a declaration about me is evaporating.
My insecurity over this is exacerbated by the fact that we haven’t been going out in the evenings. Granted, brunches and lazy mornings and conversation have been awesome, but I want to go out and do stuff – and while I think he’s like this too and has just had some rough weeks and needs relaxing hangout times, I can’t help but wonder if it’s a sign of something else.
If I had to bet I would say I’m overthinking that piece (shock!) but it’s there, bouncing around in my brain like an untamed superball.
So. It’s Monday. My party is Friday. He’s working for three days the latter part of this week, which means his evenings are up in the air. I think I need to ask him if he can come by tonight. I hope he can.